Author: juniorarmy

Story title: My Ex and The Annoying Boy

Main pairings: Taehyung X OC X B.I

Genres: Rom-com

Current length: 8 chapters

Rated: No

Reviewer: Rin

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title: 2/5

If you’re asking for a review then you’re asking for honesty to perfecting your story, to make it better so readers could enjoy it. And a title for a story is important to attract anonymous readers to read your story. To be honest, from reading your title, half of me want to read for the characters (one of my favorite is B.I) and my other half didn’t want so for your title is common-like and too obvious on giving a clue to what your story is. I could tell just by your title that the OC meets an annoying boy after her ex and love soon to blossom but her ex is making it difficult – so you have to avoid giving obvious hints. And the word 'Boy' in the end, to me, it doesn't appeal very well. You have to make the people curious about your title and so decide to read the insides for clearer understanding, understand? But yeah, it suits the story and I hope your story doesn’t go away from the main point of the title.

Poster and Background: 1/5

It’s too simple. And the color tones of the characters are different from each other – it doesn’t suit with the color green too. The title font is okay, cute and simple. Only that the background and poster are too simple and does not match with the story that’s genre is rom-com – I couldn’t feel the romantic and comedy-like feeling from them.

Description and Foreword: 4/10

I could spot lots of grammar mistakes but let’s put that aside for the SVG later on. So, okay… um… Imagine that your story is now made as a book and is sold at one of the bookstores in Berlin (or any country haha). Then a customer came by checking the shelves and noticed your book. The first thing he would do is reading the description at the back of the book. If you’re a bookworm or nerd (like me), you would realize that most bestselling books in the world have short descriptions but yet it gives an intriguing, curious feeling making you want to buy it and read it as you walk back home. What I’m trying to say is your description is long and overly detailed. You were like giving a big hint for your story and this may bother the readers for they want to feel curious by just reading your description, are we clear? Just think of the customer before, would he buy yours after reading a long, boring, hint-full description?

Next, if you want to introduce your characters, you should give at least two or three words to describe their personalities. That way, people would love your description more.

Your foreword is not marked for you only put your own words and appreciation. But I’d suggest a trailer if you can. I just love trailers.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity and Originality: 2/5

No story is original but how the author working out to make it hers is important. And how was it for you? Well, honestly, your story is common to me and probably that’s one of the reasons why I could tell how the story goes just by reading the title. To make it yours, you have to add some scenes that one doesn’t expect to happen. Taehyung (let’s call him Tae) suddenly entering the room when B.I was on top of Hani? And then Hani went to kiss B.I in front of Tae? Scenes like that always happen in many stories like in Japanese comic books or even in K-drama.

Plot: 12/20

It’s clear but too clear, too common and needs a bit of a twist. Just like what I said before, you have to add some scenes that one doesn’t expect to happen. It’s not creative enough to add Hani’s cousin in the story, making out with Tae. And add a field trip. That’s too common-like. But I guess I was a bit impressed knowing that the girl making out with Tae is Hani’s cousin.

Spelling, Vocab and Grammar: 4/15

It’s hard to tell you how bad you’re at this and I could tell that English is not your first language but don’t worry, English is my second language and not my first. I am an author before too, you know? And it’s hard, yes. But for the sake of writing, I decided to study this language by using the internet or books or at class. (Yes, I am what you call a nerd)

Like what I have said before in the description, you don’t have to make it long and it is preferable for authors to not use ‘You’ and ‘I’ in their description.

Spelling? I could see some typos here and there.

Vocab? There were no large words which makes a reader bore in reading your story. You need to have a thesaurus to find some bigger words to use. And for grammar, since you now have a beta-reader, I think it is alright. But still, I could see lots and lots of grammar mistakes that needed to be fixed. You made me confused by using both present and past tense in one story – that is a very big problem. And also you have to add more adjectives and describe the places in the story, the scenes more. It’s dull when a reader does not know where a character is and what the character feels, you know.

I know QuickScope is good beta-reader but she’s 13 – I know her, okay? So you shouldn’t trust 100% on her beta-reading. You sometimes have to act on your own.

Characterization: 7/15

I do not hate Hani but I just dislike how she acts and thinks at some circumstances like how she suddenly kisses B.I, attitude to her own mother, when Tae enters the room she angered… She’s beginning to like B.I, that I can tell, but she also still likes Tae. It’s so difficult. You have to tell her what she feels to the readers more often. Only telling what happens right now is not enough, making Hani’s character unclear.

Tae is also unclear. You made him look bad by having cheating on Hani. But is it really logic for a cheater to kill himself for her girlfriend that he cheated on dumped him? Would that actually happen in real life? Then why when Hani dumped him for the second time when Tae entered the room and saw B.I with her didn’t try suicide again? And that reminds me, how could he suddenly enter a house without permission? You need to explain that in your story or otherwise, readers couldn’t understand it just how I am right now.

And the same goes for B.I. I couldn’t tell whether he likes Hani or not. If he doesn’t, he should have been angry when Hani kissed him. And if he does, I couldn’t tell because of the lack of B.I’s side in your story. You need to tell his feelings too, at least, give a hint – not a too obvious hint.

There a more errors in characterization but I’ll just take the three of them.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles: 5/5

There’s nothing to say here for your chapter titles are only numbered.

Flow: 6/10

A little bit too fast, I assume. Sometimes I figure to myself as I was reading, when be this and when was that… Why suddenly end of school? Why not writing a little bit a scenes when Hani is at school, after all, it’s a rom-com which means that should have been lots of comedy occurring in one chapter and also adding romance. Why suddenly a field trip? How did it turned out to be holiday? Where are the lovey-dovey scenes with B.I? You have to think of those.

Writing Style: 5/10

I love the spacing and font but not so with the [flash back] interruptions and the [skip to the end of school] thingy. Readers dislike interruptions when they are reading especially readers who are really focus (like me haha). Not many read the author’s notes at the end, so after reading half-way, they would just go to the next page to continue reading instead. So there are some ways on having them read your notes that is by adding another chapter (but this way is disturbing) or by making some silly dialogs between characters and you or just characters themselves. Psst, I just told you a secret haha.

Extra and Notes: +3

I don’t want to let you down with the marks given so I gave you some points to encourage you to do better. I hope my words don’t look harsh because I am not trying to be harsh. I am trying to be kind and honest, honest!

Total Score: 51 〆