Username: Shin_Mika

Fanfiction name: White Paper Cranes

Characters in story: Lee Taemin

Story title: White Paper Cranes

Story theme: Angst, drama

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Title: 5/5

This is more of a meaningful title and goes well with the story. It’s creative and is original.

Poster/Background: 9/10

The poster is really beautiful – in terms I mean both the artwork and how it goes along with the story. The quote in it really fits well, since it is the one quote that gives the main idea to the story and Taemin’s feelings towards his life.

I took off because it did seem a bit too crowded with the bottom picture. Then again, if it wasn’t there it might be too empty.

Description: 2/5

The foreword and description need to be switched around. Go to foreword for the overall judging of both of them :3

Foreword: 2/5

I found the part written in the Foreword would go better in the Description (switching them around). If you would add on some to it, it’d be a really go description of the story. I bet you could even add the two together to make a really great Description.

As for the Foreword, I like to tell people an example of what to do with them: write a short introduction into the story, telling what it is about or what to expect; Give a before story – write a small scene that happened before or one that is super dramatic…in this case, you could’ve written one about Taemin on the roof and about to jump off or something. Write something that could leave a cliffhanger and draw the reader farther in than they already are.

Chapter Names: 4/5

Your chapter names should always be capitalized (ex. “I’m not okay” should be “I’m Not Okay”) and make sure you have spelt everything correctly. Other than that, I think you named the chapters well. ^^

Characterization: 14/15

I love Taemin in the first place, but getting to know him through this story and seeing your idea of his character is really a breath of fresh air and I see him as a great character, no matter how messed up or depressed he seems. By “breath of fresh air” I mean he isn’t one of those “cute” or “super innocent” characters you see in every fic. In this fic, he is an idol, yes, but he is a normal teenage boy who has feeling and thinks of suicide. His character in my opinion is beautiful and portrayed well, and I really enjoy who you made him to be – despite the fact he is suicidal.

Format: 3.5/5

You formatted this well. I really don’t have a lot of comments on this, except for the Foreword and Description – I am not a fan of colors, especially doing them in bright, bright colors. Maybe change that.

Flow/Detail: 8/10

The flow of the story went well. It was set in a short period of time (hence the short amount of chapters) and for that, it was better to rush the story a bit. But overall, the flow of how it went and what it led up to went rather well.

The details in the story could be better and more defined. You did a good job with detailing, don’t get me wrong, but for a shorter story, you need to give as much detail, as much thought, and a lot of information that some wouldn’t expect or think of. Or so, that’s what I think.

Creativity/Plot/Originality: 10/10

This is not the most original idea for a story, as I’ve seen many bullied/suciadal/emotional stories. But you did make it your own by adding the whole ‘paper cranes’ thing and creating the Taemin character (by making him your own type of character).

The plot is really meaningful and beautiful. Some people might read this and think “How could someone who is upset and suicidal and even bullied be beautiful?!”. I only say this because this is a heartfelt story – it shows Taemin’s emotions, his opinion towards his life, how he thinks and more. He is a normal person who is misunderstood.

The paper cranes are a really good idea. It’s creative and an excellent addition to the story. How you left the story when you ended made me a bit mad, since I am not the biggest fan of cliffhangers, and you didn’t really say that he jumped (but I assume he did.)

These type of ending are great, because it can leave the reader with an idea of what could happen and gives them the freewill to let their mind wander and possibly change the ending.

I really like this story and how you created it and made something unique and … phenomenal. And the fact that Taemin isn’t the “cutesy-too-innocent-for-words” type. :3

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 25/30

You had some issues with spelling. I recommend you reread your work and make some corrections.

Grammar and vocab-wise, you did well. Average writing (I’m not being mean by this comment, so please don’t take it the wrong way) and I find that it fits more with the story then adding those super long words that no one understands and those super confusing sentences that everyone hates. So, you pleased me here. ^^

Overall: 74.5/100

Additional Comments:

I actually read this story before and really enjoyed it! I started reading it again and was all: OMO! I LOVE THIS STORY! So, I’m not trying to be biased here, since I do love it, but I honestly reviewed it (with some biased-ness) and thought you did well.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl