Username: bubbleteacups

Story Title (&link): Little Pup

Main Characters (+pairings): Kris, Kai, Tao, Sehun, Baekhyun; KrisKai, KaiRis, Taoris, Sebaek.

Genre(s): Abuse, , omegaverse, , romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 4

Rated?: Yes ; involved, , abuse, trigger

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  2.5/5

    I instantly think of a wolf pack and the omega of that said pack. So, seeing that it technically is an omegaverse and this is going to be alpha and omega pairing - I'm not surprised, but I'm sure with that anyone clicking to it would be pleased. However, I really don't think the title does any justice; it stands for Kai's position and it seems so... simple and cute, when I can tell from the description and tags that this isn't a cute story.
 

Poster/Background;  2.5/5

    Now, I like the background pictures for sure. It's Kai and Kris and cuteness and subtle looks between the two. I don't like the bottom pic so merged with the little glimpse of the two just under the title... It throws anyone off. And as I said for the title... even the poster makes it look cute because of the top's facial expressions, you know? I get that they'll be mates and some sweetness like this might be there, but I just don't like how it represents the story....

    The background though, I like the color and how it has pawprints and whatnot. Still feels so unrepresentative... sorry. If this story had a different feel, I'd probably be all for the bg and poster, perhaps.

    Side Note: I get that "Little Pup" represents Jongin, but even so, I feel like with the story so far, and the intended storyline you gave us, it's a little bit...confusing. I like the title, but then again... I just don't know what to think of it. >_<

Description & Foreword;  5/10

    Through just the description, I'm torn. I like knowing upfront what's the deal and how things are, but then again a tiny bit of me is all, "It seems like too much revealed." So, I'm tore! I like knowing that Jongin is so young and unable to be the apple of Kris's eye, and then Kris going behind his back "ing beta Tao". It's drama already! But, I'm confused. I know omegaverse well, and I went to google it and see some stuff extra just for this story - and I see the whole Alpha/Beta/Omega pairings. Then I scroll down and read more, and even though I don't expect all this info to be in your story, it helps knowing more of the omegaverse and whatnot. So, I think either in the description or the Foreword you could add a bit more info in to their world. That or, I guess, just place the info in the story to explain. [I also ruined my eyes by acidentally reading the Jensen/Jared omegaverse knotting example on a page and i-- ughgh;hno. lmao.]

   Alright, back to the description though. My confusion still lies upon how Kris's omega is secretly in love with him, but aren't they mates? Or is this idea flipped? Also, for the A/N mentioned under that, maybe move it down to the Foreword, or make sure to say it's an A/N and bold it?

    FOREWORD:
    I don't know if I really care for the Foreword.... I mean, we can guess it's Kai, getting a talking from Kris, and we see the difference and how he treats him, but I'd like a little more... pull from the Foreword. To get myself more in to it and it would help capture readers' attention more! Like... tell about Kai's feelings or a dramatic scene between the two or even Kris, Kai and Tao or another character! Add some effect to it or make a cliffhanger!

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  3.5/5

    I left EXO's giant fandom as soon as lots of scandals and things happened, so needless to say I didn't read the wolf!aus and all that. So, this is my firest wolf-type fic of EXO's in a looong while. BUT! Just from the first little insight on the first chapter, I smiled to myself, happy to see some struggle just in the first few paragraphs. It's nice to be welcomed in to a good literature with some well-done entry to this !verse.
 

Plot;  14/20

    At first I was expecting more and romance between Tao and Kris in front of Jongin, but I only saw - what? - two encounters? And in the description it's about Jongin falling for Kris, even when the lustful nights between the alpha and beta happen. I expected more story in to that side plot and the rhythm is so fast with this that I instantly see the changing nature and the scenes flip so fast... where's the balanced line?

    I feel like the plot is confusing here, mainly because the story is so crammed together. And otherwise, I really enjoy the story at hand. I feel the emotion and smile at the sweetness that thrives in such good moments. And the characters... my, my. The mixture we see is so precious and lovely that I want to gobble them up!

    However, I feel like the story needs widened, even though the first intentions were a oneshot. You have a following, and I definitely see why. So, maybe add more? This story has the most potential I've seen in such a long while that I'm basically jumping in my chair!

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   12/15

[chap. 1, para 3.] D.O patted the boy's head rather awkwardly, choosing not to voice out his own wants and hopes, because what was the point when he couldn't even act on them, when he wasn't powerful enough yet to even protect the little omega? There was a million things he could've said, but instead he said, "Your alpha will protect you well," it tasted so foul in his mouth that he would spit it out if he could. He hoped it didn't sound as repulsive in the younger's ears but from the way Jongin's body curled into himself even further without actually bending down, he knew it did.

[FIX] D.O patted the boy's head rather awkwardly, choosing not to voice out his own wants and hopes. Only because... what was the point when he couldn't even act on them? What was the point when he wasn't powerful enough yet to even protect his- no, this little omega? There was a million things he couldn't said, but instead he let out, "Your alpha will protect you well." It tasted so foul in his mouth that he would spit it out if he could. He hoped it didn't sound as repulsive in the younger's ears; the way Jongin's body curled into his even further without actually bending down... he knew that it did sound as repulsive to him as it felt to D.O.

    For that, you did marvelous on the writing! I'm so happy with the detail and the way youtell the story and emotions going on. I only changed a bit because your sentences ran on in the paragraph a lot. It's better when you reread, if you see a long sentence, say it aloud and think, "How can I change this or make it less of a mouthful?" Because otherwise, the reader may get confused or skip over it entirely. Run-on sentences aren't fun, and they happen a lot with people, so check for those mainly. Everything else seems great to me and I'm so thrilled that the writing is so... submerging and wraps me up like a warm, cozy blanket!

Characterization;   13/15

    I love getting to experience a mean character who stays mean and has no small detachment from it when he sees his new mate. Because that's all you ever see sometimes! And how it went in the beginning held me so hard that I fell in love with the cruelty that seeped from Kris. And Kai.... man, oh man. I never see Kai innocent and scared. Maybe I'm missing out on a few fics, or maybe it's just me, but I adore these characters so much just after the first chapter. It's bloody brilliant! I applaud so much because... I feel the emotion and their character!

    Kris, this strong, cool demeanored guy with a passion for a beta named Tao, and a new omega - he's intimidating! But... then we see some sympathy so fast... I don't know if I'm for the quick edged sympathy yet or if it should be delayed. I mean, we see Kris already so fierce and not liking this, and having his crack for even a millisecond... it reminds me of so many other fics and how... this character is contradicting itself all too fast.

    Jongin, the omega, is so little and fearful. I love seeing that, honestly. It's fresh for me and a delight to see him be so scared of an alpha, and still be afraid to be away from his old life with another alpha who wasn't his. His character stays in place, which is absolutely great for a first chapter, and he even questions things, which is something you'd expect. I mean, I understand the different of the two with charater development and all, but I think Kris should be so easy to change or crack, whereas Jongin could, but not so quick either.

   Now, Sehun and Baekhyun. We are introduced to them in the second chapter and I'm not familiar with this pairing, so it's new to me. Baekhyun seems sweet, as usual and is definitely a perfect fit as an omega. And the backstory of the two is so... precious to me. We learn, in a way, through Baekhyun (I feel it's more from him than the narrator, you know?) that Sehun is only angry and so... far fetched from life because of how his own childhood through then was torment. And torment creates a creature so vile sometimes, or one so scared. And we see that perfectly through the descriptions. And we also see Baekhyun being so caring, yet the details of his cranky attitude during heats - it's lovely work here. I promise you that. I haven't seen sure a mixture of character that show in plain sight how they are and that they aren't spread too thin or mixed too much.

    Tao. Beta freaking Tao. I have this urge to hate him, but then he's compassionate towards Jongin and I want to punch his ing face! It's like he's fake, but real, but so twisted and I love that. He's a character I want to hate, and I like those characters being brought in. ^^

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

    The chapter titles follow the Greek lettering system for the whole "Alpha, Beta, Omega" - but is the 4th just an "A" or is it for "lamda" or-? I really like that element!

Flow;  5/10

 "Nope," I said quietly to the story at points; the flow went a bit too fast and days rushed by so quickly that I thought I missed a month, when in perspective, it was merely a week.

   I shall stop the overdramatized monologue of myself - I'm beyond weird with it, but here: I love this story. I love how you create the scenes, but I feel it goes too fast at points and leaves me wondering what happened during the gaps. I want to see the small moments or even let the story not surpass itself so quickly while it's unfolding. The feelings can happen fast, so you technically don't have to pace over weeks at a time or so. So, don't rush it, please. This is a story that can unfold so quickly and leave a remarkable imprint.

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

    I laugh quietly because I don't know where to put this, so I shall put it here.

 "But would Jongin survive the fall when Kris wasn't available to catch him? Because from the way Baekhyun saw it, Jongin was falling, and falling hard."

    This is golden. I almost rip apart because the thing with omegaverse or anything relating to marking, they fall fast and I hate it, but it's there and it's an important element for this story. And Baekhyun is the one fearing Jongin's fall, and I see the friendship as clear as day. This is your writing that I hold close to my chest at the moment. This writing makes me giddy to read on and to feel the emotions and see the world - which I do! Am I spazzing to much...? Dear me... but I just love how even though I think it goes a bit fast, I can still experience the fall and the quirks shown through this story.

Extra & Notes; (+10)

    Even though I knew it was coming, I still cursed Tao in my mind when he and Kris got in that bed and poor Jongin was left on the floor, torn and hurt. I love that even that tiny element can engage such feelings. Bravo! Oh and your end of chapter notes... so cute. I always make those and react to my own writing, so seeing someone else do it, too. Can I squeeze you? I know a lot of reviewers hate with a burning passion the A/N's that take up some space at the end, but even seeing how a writer can write things that tear them in two... I like it.

Total Score; ♡

82.5

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

I'm never for . Not for a long time, honestly. And certainly haven't read any Sebaek or KrisKai before, so this is a whole new adventure for me. But it's a really great one and I thank you so much for the request! Why didn't I read it sooner? ;-; I shall sub and upvote and I hope to see more updates soon, love! xo