Username: bangdaejong

Story Title (&link): Love You, Mr. Ex-Bodyguard

Main Characters (+pairings): Jongup & Daehyun

Genre(s): Fluff, Angst and Romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 50

Rated?: No

Reviewer: Jaekkae

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  3/5

I think the title would be better it is a little shorter. And it's not really creative either, it just gets straight to the point.

Poster/Background;  3/5

I find that your poster and BG is a bit lacking (no offense to the designer). I am a designer myself so I actually focus a lot on these things. It does give off a fluffy feeling, but the color isn’t smooth or as mellow. It also gives off an Angsty feeling.

Description & Foreword;  4/10

The short description doesn’t really draw me in. The last sentence confused me but I understood it. And you really didn’t need to put that many characters there. Maybe just the main and the ones that pops up nearly in every chapter.

Your Foreword is long and a bit messy. Maybe clean it up a little; make the posters a bit smaller and place them side by side. It will be a little more organized.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality; 3/5

I can’t really say this is original since many other has already thought of the ‘I am the person that fell in love with my bodyguard’ plotline, you know? But it is pretty unique since the characters are not the ones you normally see.

Plot;  11/20

I think I saw a lot of things coming before it actually happened. So I guess, it's either I read too much fanfics with the similar plot or the plot line is too obvious.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;  10/15

The way you use your words are not bad but sometimes it confuses me. There was a few mistake in the first chapter but nothing big. And sometimes the verb tenses and the wording is slightly awkward for me to read.
The one below is a bit awkward, but can’t really say it’s wrong so I just revised it.

original: … You know I’m waiting for it so long right? Aish, I don’t know what takes them like forever to fulfill my order….

suggestion: … You know I’m still waiting for the game and it’s been so long since I ordered it, right? Aish, I don’t know what is taking them so long to fulfill my order....

I revised a few awkward sentences in the first 3 chapters. I can send it to you if you’d like, just comment below. Though, I’d suggest you to get a beta reader or proofread before you post the chapters so you can fix up those little careless mistakes that you’ve made. And sometimes, Jongup called Himchan ‘Jae hyung’, and that needs to be fixed up because I was so confused.

Characterization;   8/15

I didn't really like your characters. Jongup is loved by nearly everyone and it makes me want to shave his head (sorry). Plus, I think Himchan and Youngjae are too over protective if they want to get Jongup a bodyguard. He doesn't actually need one though, he is old enough to handle himself if he just become more mature.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  4/5

I feel that the chapter titles are based on the character's thoughts and actions. It isn’t bad but you can be more creative.

Flow; 5/10

The flow is going a little too slowly, and a little too quickly at the same time. I'm talking about Daehyun's thought of falling in love with Jongup... He noticed it after his heartbeat became faster and butterflies in his stomach? Um, that always happen to me during an exam so... I'm in love with the exam? Just kidding but it happened too quickly.

Writing Style (format + your style);  7/10

The chapters looks very normal. Nothing fancy like an layout or anything so it’s okay. The font size is good and the color doesn’t sting my eyes. And you don’t have silly neon highlights that I dislike very much.

Your writing style is okay but it isn’t the style that I’d usually read. Your one is in between a lot of talking and kinda descriptive. In nearly every paragraph of your chapters, there is always someone speaking. It isn’t bad but I’d like to have a small pause or gap so I can read about what’s going on in there head, something like what they'd do or think, nothing too exaggerated or dramatic (eg: something without many of ! and ?). And does the Moon family live in a mansion or just a big house? Is it that big that they need to hire a maid to do work in there? I actually have no idea of what the house looks like because you never described it to the readers. You can develop your style a bit more if you try.

Extra & Notes;

I read the first 10 chapters since we're kinda busy but I didn’t particularly enjoyed the story. Mainly because the writing style doesn’t suit me. If this is somewhat harsh to you, I apologize for my rudeness. But it is just a single review and my own opinion, I’m sure everyone’s opinion is different.

Total Score; ♡

58!