Username: Angel110 & Evelyn-Chan

Story Title (&link): Through the Storm

Main Characters (+pairings): Lee Sungmin, Lee Donghae, Lee Eunhyuk, Cho Kyuhyun ;; Hyukmin, Kyumin, Haehyuk

Genre(s): Angst,

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 1

Rated?: Yes ; , mature content

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

    "Through the Storm" starts off with the impression of angst, drama, and rough times. It's a title that screams angst, to me, and I chose it for the reason I knew something good was going to come out of reading it. It drew me to it by giving a feeling of wanting to know what happened, what was happening, and what will happen. I think it even fits really well with the story - the sequeal, anyways. From "Under the Rain" to "Through the Storm", I can tell there has been drama, and maybe some terribly awful things happen, or heart break, or loss.
 

Poster/Background;  5/5

    The poster is really well done! It displays all four characters, grim expressions, and a dark aura thanks to the color scheme. It truly matches the overall concept and aura the story gives off and it pairs the four in to the two matches they made, fatefully, and even Sungmin's face shows his true emotion for the entire event. I love it!

    For the background, it's just the poster, and it honestly doesn't bother me, but I don't think the poster should be feautred as the background, because it does take away from the main image on the title screen.

Description & Foreword;  9/10

    The description shows the main focal point of the entire thing - the summary. I'm glad, because some leave out things or write things that don't always fall under the claim of "description"... And with such a problematic thing going on or Sungmin, you tell us the overall idea and even leave us with a somewhat cliffhanger. Basically, you did your job, and you did it exceptionally.

    The Foreword here is dedication and small bits of info - which I'm glad you told this was a sequel, because I'll gladly go and read the first part to this! And you appropriately added in the word count, which makes me beyond ecstatic for because it shows us how much to expect and is here; though not necessary and barely used by authors, I still love it there because I like to see how many words there will be and whether or not this will be a serious, sit down read, or a light one.

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  2.5/5

    Now... I'm saying this because it's true for me, and personally I am such an anti person with this... but car crashes... They are common in real life, I know, but I see so so so many of them go on during a story and I loathe them! Everyone decides to use them. Everyone always adds in the pivotal moments between "life and death" of the character(s) involved, and it bugs me. We can find something a little different to happen and ensue during such a time - maybe some odd thing that caused the crash or a different accident. Anything, please. And this isn't aimed directly at you, but it's a thing I always rant on, and I'm sorry for that. It is just getting so unoriginal for me.

    Otherwise, the way you did this was so precious! I loved the bonding, the jealously, and how it went, but even the ending was predictable to me.
 

Plot;  12/20

    Sungmin and Kyuhyun end up together, after such a storm, and even though in the beginning Sungmin was lusting after Eunhyuk, the HaeHyuk couple prevail and Sungmin finds his love in Kyuhyun to be stronger than ever.

    It's common, but precious, and a good read. The events that take place help set in the characters and have them shown to readers in a good way, even for a sequel. Some sequels throw them in and expect the reader to already know them, but you showed us them again, so very well!

    The plot, and even subplot I found, was a bit too... simple? I don't know. But it's expected because it's a dramatic, jealousy fic.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   10/15

    One little typo featured in the description.

    "Lee Donghae, his beloved boyfriend had just asked him to marry him!"

    FIX: Lee Donghae, his beloved boyfriend, had just asked him to marry him! || Separation between Donghae's name, "his beloved boyfriend", and the rest of the sentence. Otherwise it is sloppy and it sounds like Lee Donghae's beloved boyfriend asked him to marry him. Which is odd, considering what we are reading... Heh. But commas are important to writing - it's said everywhere and usually people make jokes about it. But the serious note is: commas are fun, so use them wisely, or else sentences the ones that look odd come out as full-on weird- sentences maybe like this one.

   Now for vocab! You do quite well on both vocab and grammar; detail is one thing I see and love! But here's a quick fix to a lot of problems, because your writing reminds me of how mine has been forever... you can't find synonyms to fit. Your mind comes up with the right words, but repeated things such as "more, too, almost, though" and other verbs or adjectives, can get a bit tiresome. So, my advice for this particular thing is to go to an online dictionary or more appropriately: thesaurus. It's my Bible. Here's some examples of your work:

    "After some more seconds of just staring, his lips finally moved, almost alone without him having to think too much about it.

"Yes," he whispered, then louder."

    NEW: After what seemed like eons to him, his lips moved subconsciously, letting out the one syllable that they both seemingly couldn't hear quick enough: "Yes."

    It's tiny inputs like that that can turn simple writing into something more... emotional, I guess. This is a pivotal moment for both men and it's important to input the strong, yet anxious emotions both have. Not only their emotions, but the surroundings and even the side text over who-knows-what. Though you show us the reaction of another main character, I'm focusing on the right-then moment of EunHae. Or HaeHyuk, so be it. It's simplistic and cute, showing us quite a bit of a reaction from Eunhyuk, which is great. But some spiced up detail, switching words out, will make it even better, I promise!

    And with that in mind, for Eunhyuk's rather loud reply after the whisper, instead of adding a bunch of exclamation points, try using an adjective to represent his passion and exuberant showing of emotions.

Characterization;   8/15

    I think since this is a sequal, it's mainly living up to the characters on display in the last story, but also, over this period, showing who they are and if they change at all. Each character is going through a lot, even for one chapter. Eunhyuk and Donghae are experiencing some wonderful news and an emotion no adjective could describe.

   To me, the characters almost felt alike in a lot of ways, and that's disappointing to me - it's easy to combine some emotions of characters and  traits, but when they feel to alike and blend together, I get bored and tired. They do have differences, I'll give you that, but I experienced them so genuinely alike in parts... Kyuhyun was a softie crying, Sungmin was a softie, but hurt and crying, Eunhyuk was weeping- yeah. And maybe it's the way they were written, but they have no differences in some reactions and it's too... repeat

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  -/5

No actual chapters yet or at all- Just the title, so no scoring.

Flow;  6/10

   Though I didn't read the first one, I have to judge off how this oneshot sequel went. For me, it went A-OK, but skipping so far ahead into dramatic scenes is predictable. When some writers skip ahead, you can automatically tell some tragic thing or important part is coming, and that kinda takes off for the surprise or suspense trying to be inputted. It saddens me sometimes. But the flow is great! So don't doubt yourself. I just think the way the skipping ahead leads to drama is predictable.

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

    First thing's first: at the beginning of a story or chapter, if it has no character point-of-view, then don' say that. It will automatically be deemed 3rd POV. If it has a specific POV other than third, you can title it that, but otherwise... just don't. Even for 1st POV, you don't have to necessarily say who it is, because eventually the reader picks up on whose POV it is.

Extra & Notes; (+10)

    Details, no "No one's POV" unless it is someone's POV, try to not skip so far ahead, and more details. :) I loved how it went and though it was really predictable to me, I think it's adorable and well-done. Any shippers or fans would love it!

Total Score; ♡

77.5

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

Thank you for the chance to review this! <3