Username: yugyeom-ssi

Story Title (&link): But I'm Here

Main Characters (+pairings): Kim Yugyeom (Got7), Baek Hyunju (OC), Mark (mentioned)

Genre(s): Romance, Angst(?)

Current Length (No. of Chapters): Oneshot

Rated?: No.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title; 4/5

At first glance, it is one of those titles that don't particularly stand out from the crowd. It's one that, if you are a romantic (like the story's genre), then yeah... you may pick it up because of that title line. "But I'm Here" sounds like someone longing to be recognized as the one who truly loves the other, and the description describes just that. It's the point, straight to it, and for a oneshot piece, I do think it works very well. And it is the main point given, so that's that.

Poster/Background;  5/5

Gray-themed, which is ultimately one of my favorite colors for things. And since you have a gray background that matches the poster, it makes me happy! I like simplistic backgrounds that fit the theme of the poster. And the poster itself is really well made. I think the fact you added the characters, 'GTN7 Series', and the genres was a unique aspect for it altogether. But the tinier, Arial Narrow-like font just turns me away from it, honestly. I like the other fonts for it, and the more narrow font works for the written and art credit portion. Overall, I do love it though. It shows that the story is Yugyeom-centric.

Description & Foreword;  8/10

   The poster and the first thing you read tells you the basic theme of this oneshot: "I'll be your umbrella if he's the rain."
   This dude is in love with a chick who is in love with another guy. Obvious plotline but that doesn't mean I'm turning away yet. I like the fact it says in fine print that he doesn't actually stand her loving some other guy-- he speaks out against it. I mean, that's a plotline for a lot of stories like this, but the description is short, blunt, and I'm hoping it isn't some down-the-drain concept I see all too much. You know?

Foreword:
     The first part was actually really interesting because I'm genuinely curious of author's other stories. And since it said it was a part of a series, it really made me curious. And I'm glad you finally linked the series at the bottom.
     For the small snippet: it's cute. Although I'm not a fluff or too cute person, I like this. It's sweet romance at it's finest, from the heart of a guy who is trying his hardest. And even from that she is so oblivious. Also! I like the information provided in this. Though some only want a Prologue in the Foreword, I do like when someone adds the word count, genre, characters, and things like that. Especially word counts. It's gives me a length to expect.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  2.5/5

    It's a story that I've seen a lot, even this scene, but I like the cuteness we see. Yugyeom confesses, Hyunju is stunned but falls, and Mark is soon forgotten about. It's all something to expect, but with this oneshot in particular, it isn't about what to expect, it's about how to capture the love from Yugyeom and to see Hyunju's blind eyes refocus on the reality in front of her. I think for oneshots based on a pair like this, people expect to see gooey, mushy, and delicately written things such as this. Even with the small burst of hate towards Mark, it still is centric on Yugyeom and his noona. I think that some unexpected element to this would be ideal, but then again for those who only want to see Yugyeom confessing, then this is their oneshot.

Plot;  6/20

  I nearly by-passed this and gave it to another reviewer because I don't dig fluffy, romantic stories. And though this is listed just under romance, this is fluff as well. ^^

  The plot is very short-lived and we don't see much or even a -- the is the confession, but I don't know if it counts all too much towards that anyways since we see it coming like a freight train, you know? And then the conclusion is adorable, but I still wish there was some fresh air to this plotline instead of just the overly rich perfume of romance. Especially since I now love your writing! I think with this oneshot, you could add on and do much more with this. But you mentined it is a part of a series, so I don't know what actually to expect behind the meaning of that. Maybe this ties in or maybe it's just a small scene of lust. I probably won't know until I find out. But for now, the plot is one seen quite a bit, and that's all I can really say, Dear.
 

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   13/15

I see no errors, really. "Yugyeom's sudden question made her froze-" should have 'froze' as a past tense ('freeze'), however. And then the thought after that paragraph - "What if he this up?" - should also be changed to a past tense such as follows: "What if he ed this up?" But also, who are you talking about? Or who is the one thinking this? Is it about Mark or Yugyeom here? Because it says 'he' and I got confused for a moment...

Paragraph starting with "Forget it,":    "forgotten that she was supposed to wait for Mark" = "forgetting that she was supposed to wait for Mark" || Forgotten shouldn't be used as an action. It's more of an adverb/past participle type thing. Forgetting is an action that is happening. Forgotten is an action that has happened. The same paragraph, at the end, should have a semi-colon on the last sentence; after 'floor' and before 'she', where the comma is.

I won't continue because I like people to learn. ^^ Your main difficulty here was past tense. I found a few more past tense errors along the way, but you can reread and see for yourself. If you get confused, ask me in the comments below. But that is the only problem I see. No other errors such as typos, wrong grammar, or even lack of vocab skills. I'm impressed with such a well-detailed, yet short story such as this. You did well!

Characterization;   6/15

Three characters filled this oneshot: Hyunju, Yugyeom, and Mark.
Hyunju is the main girl; the one that Yugyeom is head-over-heels for. She likes Mark.
Mark is the boyfriend who doesn't deliver or treat Hyunju with respect. We see from the little detail that he isn't worth much and doesn't give Hyunju what she deserves, and Yugyeom thinks he can treat her better than Mark ever could.
Yugyeom is the guy waiting for Hyunju to see the light and it takes her a bit, and a kiss, to see it.

Hyunju is like most girls who are the love interest in these types of stories: she loves another guy or flocks after him, and is oblivious to her closest friend's love for her. I wish there could be a longer version with more element to her so I could know how to judge her better. From this small POV, I see her as delicate and a bit sidetracked with her current boyfriend to notice the real world. But if she was with Mark, I'm sure there's a good reason.

I'd also love to see more of Yugyeom's reactions to Mark such as scenes together. This is why I'm mentally thinking of what a full-length story would be like for the trio. Mark and Yugyeom would probably heads and Hyunju would side with Mark - that's a bit cliche though, huh?

My main point is that I do enjoy the sweetness of this scene and the two characters mixed with the small fury of Yugyeom's we get to see here. But this only makes me wish to see more of the three in a wider frame than just this.

 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  -/5
Oneshot.

Flow;  3/10

For oneshots, I don't want them too long or too short. If it is short, much like this one, I think it better be listed as a "drabble" or something more befitting than the "oneshot" genre we have. But that isn't saying much since a lot of people write itty bitty oneshots anymore.

For the flow here, we live through 3rd POV eyes in a cafe, in a small scene, where a guy confesses and the girl accepts. The reason I'm a bit sad for the flow is because this is a short oneshot and we don't get a buildup whatsoever for the confession. We get to witness the birds-eye-view of Yugyeom's feelings for her, but it isn't some intense passion like we maybe could see if it's drawn out more. And we have no idea how Hyunju may see Yugyeom, who is in fact her hoobae here. I like to see the depth with those relationships. We usually see girls lusting after guys, but here it is the younger guy going for his noona. I want to see how they react to one another, not just the confession and her mentioning her boyfriend. So, to me, this could be more drawn out in sorts. The flow hits us fast, and I think you should have it listed as a drabble because of the smaller amount of words written.

Writing Style (format + your style);  6/10

I've been hit-
   I think you caught me and dragged down in to the depths of this oneshot right in the very fiirst paragraph. "Even before she got together with that son of a , named Mark." This. This is gold. "So maybe you could accompany me?" '.' I just-- It isn't like I have a thing for curse words, but that brings the emotion behind Yugyeom's character in to the voice of the story. It shows his hate, his passion, his thoughts. And it's 3rd POV, so it is your voice telling the story- or the voice you want to portray. But it's your style of writing and just within the first first parts, I'm smiling. I like your style!

Extra & Notes;
  Your writing style is great. Please keep that in mind out of all the things I said! ^^; I do think this would be better written with more length and depth to it. Imagine it as a 4D box, and not the 2D paper we see. I think if it were like that, we'd get to love Yugyeom more and hate Mark for Hyunju.

  And on a small note, please don't take my opinion too harshly! >< Remember, I'm only one opinion and your writing should only matter to you. But I thank you much and with love for requesting from our shop! If you ever want to come back, you can. Or if you want to hit me, that's okay too. ^^

Total Score; ♡

53.5

  <3