Username: exob1a4baro

Story Title (&link): My Star

Main Characters (+pairings): Jimin + Jungkook

Genre(s):  Tragedy and Angst

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 2

Rated?: No

Reviewer: Jaekkae

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title; 4/5

It fits the story just fine. The 'star' refers to Jungkook and it is actually quite beautiful. Though it is kind of common and overused to me.

Poster/Background; 5/5

The poster and background are beautiful.

Description & Foreword; 5/10

I found your description quite lacking. There is quite a few errors there also.

Original: Didn't you realized? That night,I was actually telling you why I loved you"

Revised: "Didn't you realized? That night, I was actually telling you why I loved you."

And it was just a single quote. I think you should add a summary as well.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Plot;  20/25

It was a lovely plot. I liked it very much. The ending was a little too sad though. Poor Jungkook, he must have been heart broken as well.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   13/15

Your main problem is punctuation. It is very messy to read with punctuation errors.

Original: The room they shared fell silent.Jimin faked a laugh to break the tension as he pat the younger's head."I'm just joking" he said as he forced the most realistic smile he can put on his face.He turn around and walk off as sadness started to cover his face.

Revised: The room they shared fell silent. Jimin faked a laugh to break the tension as he pat the younger's head. "I'm just joking," he said as he forced the most realistic smile he can put on his face. He turn around and walk off as sadness started to cover his face.

I have little to no complaint with your grammar and vocab. Just reread everything once or twice in the future, then edit and you'll be fine. And oh, you forget to use capital letters sometimes.

Characterization;   13/15

I like the characters. Jimin is the heartbroken guy and Jungkook is the oblivious heartbreaker. It makes sense. They're pretty different and I guess that's why I liked them so much.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles; 4/5

The main subject of each chapter is the title and I really liked it. It's simple.

Flow;  8/10

The flow is smooth. You didn't just decide to kill him in the middle of the chapter so I think it's good.

Writing Style;  7/10

I find the paragraphs a little crowded. I suggest you to skip a line once in a while. I edited a few lines since they were wrong. ^^;

Original: Jungkook followed jimin's action as he stared at jimin's face that was shone by the moonlight,the older feels jungkook's gaze on him so he looks at the younger only to see his face covered with red blush.Jimin let out a small chuckle and point at the sky "jungkook-ah,look up" he said as jungkook avert his attention from the other to the sky.It was beautiful.Beyond beautiful,to be exact.The sky was splattered with stars everwhere.It was twinkling every once in awhile.Jungkook totally was awestrucked by the sight."Whenever there's too much in my head that i cant handle,i will look up and gaze at the stars for hours just to calm myself.As for me,stars are really beautiful,it warms my heart whenever i see one,and the way they twinkle...it was so hard to keep myself not to admire it.Stars also make your wish came true" jimin said as he looks at jungkook with loving eyes."How did you know it really grants your wishes?" the black haired boy asked as his eyes never leaving the sky."Because it has granted mine" the shorter said as he reach for jungkook's hand and holds it tightly."Really? What's your wish hyung?" He asked as he scoot his body closer to jimin."For you to love me back" jimin said kissing the top of the other's head.They fell silent as jungkook slowly wrap his arms around jimin's torso as he mumble "then i wish...for us to be forever" Jimin smile softly as he couldn't hold his tears with the words that just slip out the younger's mouth.

Revised: Jungkook followed Jimin's action as he stared at Jimin's face that the moonlight shone on. The older feels Jungkook's gaze on him so he looks at the younger only to see his face covered with red blush. Jimin let out a small chuckle and point at the sky. "Jungkook-ah, look up," he said as jungkook avert his attention from the other to the sky.

It was beautiful. Beyond beautiful, to be exact. The sky was splattered with stars everywhere. It was twinkling every once in awhile. The sight left Jungkook in awestruck.

"Whenever there's too much in my head that I can't handle, I will look up and gaze at the stars for hours just to calm myself. As for me, stars are really beautiful, it warms my heart whenever I see one, and the way they twinkle... it was so hard to keep myself not to admire it. Stars also make your wish came true," Jimin said as he looks at jungkook with loving eyes.

"How did you know it really grants your wishes?" the black haired boy asked as his eyes never leaving the sky.

"Because it has granted mine," the shorter said as he reach for jungkook's hand and holds it tightly.

"Really? What's your wish hyung?" he asked as he scoot his body closer to jimin.

"For you to love me back," Jimin said kissing the top of the other's head.

They fell silent as Jungkook slowly wrap his arms around Jimin's torso as he mumble, "Then I wish...for us to be forever." Jimin smile softly as he couldn't hold his tears with the words that just slip out the younger's mouth.

Your writing style is also perfectly fine. I didn't get tired from reading it. I enjoyed it very much! Maybe just fix the punctuation and add in the capital letters when you need to... and you’ll be all fine.

Extra & Notes;

I hope that I didn't sound harsh in any way as this is only my opinion.

Total Score; ♡

79/100