Username: peejrin

Story Title (&link): Your Sky Is Sorrowful

Main Characters (+pairings): Jungkook, Hyemi (OC)
Featuring: V, Krystal, Azra (OC), Himchan, Zelo, Sehun, Kai, Chanyeol, and OCs.

Genre(s): RomCom, Supernatural, Angst

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 9

Rated?: No.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
PLOT:
Hyemi was now a ghost, not knowing why was she not at the so promised so called the 'Other Side' that god prepared for the dead. But then she meets Azra, a blunt cat and Jungkook, a cold teenager that helps her to answer that question. And so she knew that the only solution to go back to that promised place is to make her boyfriend (now ex) and friends' sorrows that caused by her death upside down. Therefore, she asked Jungkook for help. 

Notes: “English is not my first language so please give me tips on how to improve it and you don’t coz I'm changing them, still waiting for my request for graphics to be finished. Please don't be harsh on me.. I'm still learning”

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

I think the title is really beautiful – in the way it is. And you say it connected to a song (right?)… I love it. It fits and it’s so… soft and even though it’s supposed to be angsty and “sorrowful”, it fits right in a perfect mix.

Poster/Background;  5/5
Pshh… you said no judging, but I am, only because you’ve changed since then!
The first poster (with the lighter tones and the girl in the BG – it’s beautiful, honestly.
The second, the main image now, it’s more vibrant and attractive. It draws your eyes to it immediately! Mainly from the red and blue.
The third, the one featured in the lovely layout creation… I love it, too. This one makes it feel like a RomCom, a Kdrama, and just some cheeky story. So, I feel three different vibes from three different posters. And also, I’ll be judging every other graphic element present.

The trailer we see first: The screen clip looks sci-fi. Haha. But geez… it’s so beautiful and you WANT to read the story! I love trailers, but judge harshly on them. This trailer defines what beauty is for this story, and for this moment. I haven’t seen such an astounding trailer in so long… I had to sit here… watching, holding my breath. I hvaen’t watched KPOP videos in a long time and it got me. My internal feelings are priceless. Kudos, so much, to the maker of it! I see this as the story. And though you say some don’t fit, I see it. I feel it and anticipate it. Jungkook is brilliantly displayed, as it our OC, and the lovely Himchan. The text is well-worded and delightful. FEELS.

The second trailer: Light and fluffy. Sweet, though. Because it relates, even though it’s anime! The Japanese vibe (even though we’re dealing with Korean characters) is so enjoyable to watch and see. It’s like a RomCom, much like the RomCom looking poster I mentioned. I love the other one better, no doubt, but this is so cute!

BG: Gentle mood – it’s not overwhelming, so I’m happy of that!

Chapter 8 Trailer: The music is so dramatic and I love it. It’s also in a sense, romantic to the ears because it reminds me of a romance story. It’s beautiful though, so kudos to you, darling.

Description & Foreword;  10/10
I first had some things written out to correct, but my stuff got erased. But now, what do I see?
Still the brilliance and the most intriguing starter line I’ve seen in ages! “Why live when we’re all going to die in the end?” It’s so darn depressing, yet true and can overwhelm the mind with questions and uncertainty.

I see you’ve corrected a lot. Due to other reviewers, maybe? I’m sorry I’m so late!

But the description is so wonderfully written and it tells us the main idea. Hyemi dies, there’s a kid named Jungkook and a cat named Azra who decide to help her, “but instead they found more problems.” Great outline to imagine!

The lyrics, also, are so… okay, imagine a flower in the palm of your hand – the beauty of it and the delicate demeanor it has. It’s beautiful, yet dying since it’s been picked. It’s lovely yet tragically so. I feel like that defines this story and that interpretation defines your description for us.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  4.5/5
Realistic. Fun. Creative. Overemotional characters. Daring words. Though it’s not the most original story I’ve seen, it’s still brilliant with it’s main characters and the dialogue you give them! The dialogue… bless your soul, it’s so wonderful to read! I love hearing their thoughts and seeing how they react to scenes. That’s what makes it yours. And I see a fine imprint of you marked in the story.
 

Plot;  15/20
I love the general idea and how you make it work. Hyemi is comfy being dead, yet is frustrated by not knowing how to do everything. Understandable and great to read about! And the extra, though lacking, are nice to see. I like focusing on Hyemi, Azra, Jungkook, and Himchan, however. And the subplots you bring in need more development (such as main reasoning and adventure or the privilege to know more about it) and yet… I still liked reading this. It lacks, but that’s okay! I figure anyone could read this and enjoy it and the plot!

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   12/15
I had a bunch of corrections here, and lost them. So restart!

In chap one: Blind-sighted. || When we’re talking of her getting blinded from the light, it’s blind-sighted. Not sided.

In the second paragraph after the line:
“-and when I did change my mind.” Though you’re speaking in past tense here, the characters words can have two outcomes: I changed, I did change. Both mean past tense, though ‘did change’ looks present. Tenses are no fun, and that’s an issue I saw early on, and now with changes (seriously did you or am I dreaming have you edited I feel crazy lmao).

From you request to seeing how the story developed… tenses, such as past, present, and future, are your only main concern. Everything else is neatly done and you even have words in there that spice up the reading. No simple adjectives or verbs, so I’m pleased to a point.

My only demand, which I will repeat later on, is that there be more detail and insight in to the scenes, not just the characters’ minds. I love seeing their thoughts, especially our protagonist’s, but I would like to feel the air of the scene and see the world through the eyes of the characters and narrator. That’s your job! Give me more details and more adjectives to describe where we are, how the world is around us, and the main reason they’re there. Bring in weirdness, if need be. Bring in a tinge of happiness or mad moments or fun moments they get lost in. Help us envision the world much more.

Characterization;   10/15
Please let me squeal for a moment! /squeals for hours
I absolutely adore your OC, Hyemi. She’s not an idiot, but she feels like it. Her dialogue is so cute, yet logical at times. She wants to understand, she wants to adventure, she wants to give her loved ones peace. And from the beginning, we see her questioning, yet understanding certain aspects. That’s the right thing to do with a ghost character. They won’t understand it all immediately. And I’m so grateful you got that down to par! Heh. But Hyemi… though I can see why some would dislike her for her endless banter of her life ending, I find it refreshing on different terms. She’s at peace with dying. Because she was suicidal! And I know that feeling. I know a lot of people do! And the death should give her ease, to which I see, but she still regrets leaving her family and friends to suffer. I’m proud to see that here.
And the FC I see… Choi Jongmi. She’s precious, but also makes me feel really clichéd since she’s cute and acts cute and that’s actually a lot of characters’ displays in fanfics… It saddens me… Yet, we do see so many FCs in the posters and video… so… I actually would rather see one of them. Like in Chapter 5, I love the face for her there in the Character Chart.

Jungkook, who is supposed to be cold (and is), seems so annoyed with seeing dead people. But he fights and decides to help. It’s  a character to work with and have on display. You show that, but I expect his character development to be intact and well done by the end of this. And I expected Jungkook to have this type of feeling for Hyemi eventually. But I love the sibling-like acting between them. Even though it’s probably supposed to be flirty or for an upcoming love, I feel like they’re becoming friendlier and- he’s even younger than her. Which is no biggie, but it’s still something to note.

V and Krystal, the Taker and the Sender. Krystal seems dark and devilishly gorgeous, while V seems chilled and ready at any moment. It almost reminds me of the good versus evil on yours shoulders, you know?

Ahra seems sweet, but very emotional to read about. And that gets me. I understand all the emotion in this, but you’ve made every extra character enter by sadness, and not everyone cries for death. Ahra and Hyemi were close, yet see could easily hide her feeling, you know? And Himchan, his feelings are strong, too. I’d feel better if not everyone cried on cue from the death. It feels too expected and raw. I’d like to see different emotions taking place from people; anger, being idle about it, feeling emotionless, feeling too upset, depression, happiness (what), guilt, confused emotions- things like that. You’re mixing the characters together, which is common for a lot of them. But now you have to focus on who’s who and who has what traits or things that stand out differently. Like Hyemi is cute, seemingly dumb at times, and has an aura of sadness, but only shows it at freak moments. Jungkook was cold, and still is, always wears a straight face, but is mushy on the inside, which is overused. But I see his smirk, and hear the daring words and I like that. Azra is demanding, but loving – in her own way – to Hyemi. Though I think the connection seemed so sudden, I like how she’s there for Hyemi, yet always has the crowd’s reaction to events that occur. She’s the a reader inside the story almost.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5
I LOVE THE CONCEPT HERE. I absolutely love how you played with the chapter titles!
 

Flow;  7/10
The flow is raelly good for this story. It’s not too fast, though we skip hours. You show us the main scenes and even show insights into ones that are more detailed and aligned with Hyemi’s problems. But I feel you need more detail so it doesn’t seem so loose.
 

Writing Style (format + your style);  9/10
I love how you wrote this story, but wise words: don’t use author notes between scenes or in the middle of the page. It throws anyone off. You can simply change it to general narrator text or put it at the bottom. The added A/N isn’t something to be placed mid-story.

Other than that, honestly, I love how you’ve written this piece. It makes me love Hyemi, it makes me question Jungkook and his childish motives, it makes me want to meet Azra; I want to feel for Himchan and see the world through Hyemi. I’m in adoration.
 

Extra & Notes;
Little notes for you~!
Chapter 5 is golden. I love the parts near the end and Hyemi’s POV.

I really dislike middle A/N’s during a chapter, but on the chapter where you have Krystal talk to you, basically, I thought it was adorable. I’ve had writers do that (cough my close buddy) and it lightens the mood of the story. But, my advice is don’t do the added a/ns often, just add in stuff like the Krystal thing near the end. It’s cheeky and I like it, honestly.

ALSOOO~
I like these: [just noting that bc I like them and want to keep them and stare at bc of the quote.]

Total Score; 82.5 ♡