Username: lissamary

Story Title (&link): Hurt Me Tomorrow

 Main Characters (+pairings): Taeyeon, Kai, Kyungsoo

Genre(s): Romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): Thirteen

Rated?: No

Reviewer: choops

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title; 5/5

On first impression, I can tell that this story is about a heartbreak or breaking a heart- specifically Taeyeon’s considering that she’s one of the main characters by either Kai or Kyungsoo or both. I find no fault with it- but this is as far as first impressions go. Good job though! You nailed it perfectly.

Aesthetics (Poster, Background, Font, Layout); 4/5

Your poster is perfect. I am a er for beautiful posters, and I love the ones with pastel hues. It doesn’t look overdone and it doesn’t give away the story so much. The background you used is also lovely- it doesn’t hurt the eyes, and it’s soothing to the eye. However, I felt that your default font and size was a bit small and hard to read (this is my personal opinion though, cause I like Arial size 10/11 the best) and I don’t know if my eyes are deceiving me, but it seems that the font appears slightly lighter? It’s probably due to the background. As for the layout, I feel that it’s a smart idea to name the chapter title according to its respective POV. It’s clean, it’s not cluttered, and it’s easy to refer to in the case of someone forgetting whose POV he/she is reading. However, I noticed that there is a flashback in the second chapter? It’s advisable that you distinguish flashbacks from the current setting, especially if they’re two very contrasting scenes. I was utterly confused- will talk more about this in the Flow section.

Description and Foreword; 4/5

I feel that your description doesn’t give too much of the story away, and I love it. It’s like a sneak peek at its right amount, and it gives the readers a hint of what to expect from you- in this story being a heartbreak. I have to applaud you on this cause I at poetic things (lol) and I wouldn’t be able to sum up something so poetic and beautiful, so kudos for that!

And I love that your story is inspired by Jodi Picoult’s novels! That already sets the bar high for me (cause um Jodi’s kinda amazing???) and it speaks something about you as an author when you mentioned references to Jodi Picoult.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Characterisation; 17/20

After several chapters into the story, I think I can draw distinctive lines between your three characters. I love that Taeyeon’s not your usual heroine- she’s a bad , she knows it, and she loves being one but at the same time, she carries a familial pain that causes her to get into these notorious acts in school. However, in Chapter 4, you did mention that Taeyeon is socially awkward. In my humble opinion, she is not socially awkward- just merely an outcast due to her extravagant ways. Kyungsoo on the other hand is just like the Kyungsoos I’ve read in fics- blunt, stoic Kyungsoo (the other version of Kyungsoo would be squishy but evil Kyungsoo lols). However, I see that your take on Kai’s character is refreshing, mainly because it’s so common to see a cold hearted, mysterious Kai in fanfics nowadays. Eventhough Kai has that element in your story, I feel that it’s not overdone, and that it has some realistic characteristics of the Kai we know (I’m so sorry I’m extra critical when it comes to my bbkai T_T)

I’m deducting several marks here more because of the flow of characterisation between your three characters. I know that Taeyeon, Kyungsoo and Kai have changed throughout the years- that is pretty much crystal clear in this story. However, I still do not know how much have they changed and what caused the change, and this gradually affects the flow of characterisation. I understand that Jodi Picoult has a similar style of writing (the habit of moving from a past to present point of view), and I can clearly see that you have a good grasp on characterisation. However, my suggestion would be to have a clear comparison of your character’s traits in between the past and current time setting, and then spend some time to link these changes in your writing.

Plot; 12/15 

I understand that your plot has got to do with heartbreaks and love triangles, but apart from that- I don’t really see a substantial plot. A plot is important to be distinguished in the earliest parts of the story, and as I was reading through Chapters 1 and 2, I was still utterly confused with what’s going on in the story. After reading more chapters, I then realised that the story circulates around Taeyeon and her family problems and her bullying case… I felt that it was a bit slow for me. In my opinion, you would’ve added more spice in this story if the plot’s faster paced, perhaps?

Grammar; 27/30

 Firstly, I love love love your vocabulary. It’s extensive and mature, and it shows that you know what you’re doing. In terms of descriptive writing, I would say that you’re not as well versed in it just yet because sometimes I would be left confused as to what I’m reading (and I know that with a little help in descriptions, I would understand it much better). However, I felt that your monologues are wonderful- that contributes a lot to your character development and quite frankly, that is how I learn of your characters. Your dialogues are also good- I mean, I didn’t get to the point where I don’t know who is speaking what. Your grammatical errors are still there, but most probably not noticeable for a non-picky reader. I suggest getting a beta reader just to review your work before you upload it onto the site. A good beta reader can do wonders!

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Flow/Detail; 7/10 

Marks deducted here mainly because of the flashback and current setting jump! In the first chapter where Taeyeon met Kyungsoo, I was pretty sure that he wasn’t blind, and in the opening of the second chapter when you described him with a trainer dog, I was utterly confused because I didn’t know what was going on! Then I realised that you were describing a flashback. Distinguishing flashbacks and current setting is very, very important- especially if they are two vastly different scenarios and your characters are basically two different people in those two scenes. A good example of distinguishing flashbacks would be indents, or italics. Sometimes writers also create borders with the title Flashback, and I know it’s not *pro* or whatever, but that distinguishes flashbacks from current settings. I would prefer having that as a reader rather than not seeing a flow in between scenes.

Creativity/Originality; 8/10

Your story is not one of the common ones I’ve read so far- in terms of theme, plot, character pairings, and choice of words. Kudos! However, I somewhat feel that something about the story (maybe the plot?) is a bit… stale for me? I don’t know- I feel that this is another remake of a Jodi Picoult novel, and I know you’re inspired by her (same goes to my fic- it’s inspired by TFIOS and I am having the exact same problem), but I suggest searching or brainstorming for a plot that has little similarities with any of Jodi’s stories.  

Extra & Notes;

I really like this story! I feel like it’s not one of the common stories I’ve read so far, and I feel that it has a lot of potential to grow. I hope you don’t take my criticism to heart though! I would seriously love to see this fic grow, and I know that you’d make more than miracles as a writer! Feel free to PM me regarding any questions about this review… or anything else, really! I love messages!

Total Score;

84/100