Username: Flower-of-May

Story Title (&link): I Smell Rain

Main Characters (+pairings): Taemin and Sulli, Kai, Krystal, Naeun.

Genre(s): Romance, mystery, crime, angst

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 4 + Preface

Rated?: Yes - for violence and language.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

    At first, "I Smell Rain" reminds me of both sadness and happiness and the contrast of both; Rain always seems to make people one or the other, so anymore I think of that.
    After reading what you have, rain is such a common ground for this story and such a big thing that it's nearly perfect to have it titled such. Although, I'm sure any other reviewer could and would say "you could do better", I feel as if the title is the cherry on top.
 

Poster/Background;  5/5

    I really like the effects on the poster, though it does just look like Taemin's picture with lines and words on it. Which it is, but that's not my point. I think thanks to the line effects made on top of everything along with the title is what makes it okay to be like it is. It's simple, and the color scheme goes along through the entire front page, including the description and so on. So, I really like that. And the feel just fits with the title, so that's a great thing (as well as it fits the overall theme.)

Description & Foreword;  9/10

    I really visually love the description and how it looks like a book cover. Except the Rated M thing, which usually is seen on games, but whatever. I love it! Although, I'm one who hates that particular font used for "Is that song about me?" and the other sentence, but I'm kindly looking over that and just paying attention to the content.

    "As hard as it could be, Taemin must forget his fears and his old self, and return to the man he used to be." This right here confused me oh so much! If he's forgetting who he used to be, then why is he going back to who he was? That's what the writing style right there implies and I'm downright confused. Other than that, the description and the preview of him and Sulli (I'm assuming, right?) is really well done and it shows a good idea of the romance kindling right there and I'm sure that romance burns on through the story - or not, I'm not there yet.
    Also, the two character photos are just like the poster, so I love the effect there, too! And thank goodness you kept the black and white style up because I have seen writer's forget or care less with the color scheme's flow and I'm just... so happy with the visual pleasure here! I can't get over the description's poster! Ahah. And yes, the writing and idea presented is just as great!

    FOREWORD:
    The quote given is for insight, so from this I'll expect betrayal and lies and most likely between our two main leads: Taemin and Sulli. And I happen to really like the guy you quoted, so I'm smiling over that, too. But aside from that, the Foreword's quote brings in another element, so all together from the front page I'm expecting lies, betrayal, love, going back to old times, and some more. Hopefully, from this on it doesn't contradict, because I could see a possibility there, but from what I see, I want to read on.

 

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality; 5/5

    I've seen some doozies, but oh wow. This is off-track what I see anymore and in such a brilliant way! It's psychological, and it's a mystery, and it's so in-depth because we aren't sure who Taemin truly is even though he says he's bad and no-good and a sin. It's refreshing to see a work like this and I'm glad I'm getting to read along and see how this fic takes off because I haven't read a story in sooo long that's got me on the edge of my seat wondering what's his problem and if Sulli finds out; and if he relapses. That's my main question and wonder at the moment.
 

Plot;  20/20

    I went from reading your other story about Taemin being a tour guide and all that, now I'm reading of a murderer who falls swiftly in love with a cafe singer whose name is Jinri. He's unique, she's his type, he murderer his last and only true love, he was the weird one of the family, he should've had a happy life, he never sees good, his only friend is a "not pretty" girl named Soojung. Though I've read a fair share of murder mysteries, this is different in the aspect that we see his murder on the first page and then we go along with his tale from his release six years later, and we get to see the true guy behind the mad eyes of Lee Taemin. I think having such a dark character, who is still real and has emotions, is great, because you're not sugar-coating him and saying he's purely innocent! He knows he did wrong, and he's still off-kilter, and we don't know why or what's his deal. And the world around his falls in to perfect place for the story because we see basic scenes from a dark kid's perspective.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   9/15

    Even though every writer has their own thing with writing, I notice the runon sentences a bit, but they're separated by commas. Which could seem like a totally acceptable thing, but for me... I'm against any form of runons.
    In the preface is where I first noticed it:
    "Staggering, he looked around him on the pavements with dim eyes, his heart was cold as steel tonight, he was just emotionless and sick."
    FIX: Staggering, he looked around him on the pavements with dim eyes. His heart was as cold as steel tonight; he was just emotionless and sick.
    At the end of 'eyes', is where the first period needs to go. It ends the sentence with a complete thought. The next sentence should go on from there, starting another description, still focused on Taemin. And for this sentence, instead of stopping with a period, you can add a semi-colon. It completes the thought, but also keeps the description of his sort of going, you know? Plus, it think it looks better that way than just making three entirely separate sentences. I added 'as cold as steel' too, because those comparisons should consist of two as's, even though a lot of people use only one.
    Your main bump in the road seems almost like a writer's styling; it's the runon sentences. Because I see them everywhere. You use commas to pause, but that's not enough. You either have to change some of the wording to make a complete sentence with no runon, or make two separate sentences. Aside from this... I don't see any problems except a few grammatical errors and a typo or two.

    "She thinks I'm crazy," his voice was a shuddering whisper, causing her to panic and choke on her own breaths. "And sick." || Think needed to be altered, since 'think' should only be used for 'I, you, they, we' etc. Then we need to recognize 'choke'. Choke is what you do - choking on something, such as breaths. Chock is a wedge for a door, like a doorstop. I see a lot of people use chock instead of choke, and I'm sure it's a common misunderstanding, but I have even seen a friend of mine use it and... the words are close, so I see how. But there's that info: choke not chock. Then the next thing on the sentence is 'breaths' because you put 'breathes' which could make since, but not as much as 'breaths'. Breathes is a thing you do, breath is the thing you breathe. See? Heh. So there are more examples only for the Preface, and I'll leave you do re-examine or re-edit, even though you don't have to if you don't want to. ^^

Out of sudden = All of a sudden.
Groin, not groins.
Why you do that to me = why did you do that to me
rolling at the ground - rolling on the ground
 

Ch. 01:
Life is a series of continued disappointment, that's how Taemin saw it.

    I decided to actually stop there. Maybe having a beta or someone come help to weed through grammar and whatnot could help. Because there are quite a few mishaps but that doesn't completely throw a reader off track to the point of not reading. I'm just informing you of how many there are. ^^
 

Characterization;   15/15

    So, only five chapters so far and there's already a good sense of most characters present. Taemin, our leading guy, is crazy. Naeun is right, in that sense. But we don't actually know what's wrong with Taemin and why he was like he was. And even now, as the story progresses, it just makes you wonder more and more. I like how you haven't revealed so much right away. Because having Taemin show his bad side on the Preface and then his release and how he has a thing where he hates himself and hates speaking - it's a perfect way to start a character, so flawed, and I'm expecting such a great progression!

    Naeun, we see only glimpses of, and from Taemin's perspective. She hated rain, she was pretty, and she loved Taemin. But they were both flawed. And I hope to see more of her as this goes on. And our other main girl that's talked about is now Sulli, who is pretty, and has a pretty voice, and pretty eyes, and likes dancing in the rain. Taemin falls for her all too quickly, but that's okay. Sulli is charming, for sure, and yet she still has a mystical aura about her and feels so... surreal.

    The parents are great, too, and I hope to see more of the brother throughout this to see how Taemin handles him and how life continues between just that family and the sibling hatred. Soojung is another character I'm excited to see expand because she's motherly, and she is described as not beautiful, and she's captivating as a character in general. She's a good friend and is someone I'll love to see help Taemin in the end.

    I just, overall, love how the characters are shown so far in the story and I love how Taemin is and who you make him out to be, even if he's a bit... different. He's mysterious and alluring, yet bad in the terms of actually being bad and not some facade. I love his character fully right now, even though we've seen so little.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

    The titles are themed, so I like that and how it fits overall with the story's way of being themed.

Flow;  10/10

     The Preface is my favorite preface and prologue ever. I kid you not! On the very front, where we see the description and just the simple quote, we're left wondering what's to come and what to expect from this story. All the elements tid together and placed with a bow could not prepare me for such a capturing and wonderfully written scene as the preface! You show us Taemin at his worst, and you show us Naeun's death, and you sew it all together with angst and hatred for Taemin right then. From then on, we're seen at his release, which I feel is the perfect way to start off the story. From there we scan days and even though Taemin falls too fast for Sulli, it's who he is, I think, and even though anyone else would've done it and I would've cringed - your character is so different and weird and he falls too fast and he's flawed and he's obsessive. The flow fits and even though I feel like I should be more critical, I like the pace because if you would stand too long on a certain scene, we'd get bored or we'd see things that we don't care to see. So, bravo!

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

    I already liked your style, but this... this story has got me hooked. Your style here is repetitive, but in such a harmonious way that I am smiling so wide in pleasure! Your words melt together to create an alluring story that pulls anyone in, and even though I have noted your numerous grammatical errors, that doesn't stop me from reading! I love this story, for your tremendously well done writing and what you've painted out of those words! I can't tell you enough how much I love your style!

Extra & Notes; (+10)

I'm so pissed off because I have to wait for updates. That's the thing about reviewing: I usually rarely find stories I get a grip on and get so in to... and now I have found one and I'm suffering the life of most on AFF: waiting for updates.
    And you only posted this the 17th, so I need to shut up and appreciate it. /rolls away
 

Total Score; ♡

103

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

Thanks for the opportunity! <3