Author: DalzRamli

Story Title: Confession

Main Characters (+pairings): Kai X OC X Chanyeol

Genres: Fluff, School Life, Romance and Comedy

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 24

Rated? No

Reviewer: Rin

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title: 5/5

I love it. Even though it is common-like but it suits. After all, the problems began when the heroine confessed to Kai so the title suits it all. However, the title is not attractive which gives a negative result on attracting readers to your story. The title gives off a boring feeling at first sight but as a positive, it also gives a curious thought and brings those who are wishing to know the meaning of your title better. My advice, um, I don’t know actually. I couldn’t even think of a nicer title to replace yours.

Poster/Background: 4/5

Story graphics is something I really love to look at (of course, I only admire looking the pretty ones). Yours are lovely. It gives that romantic feeling and I love the movie-poster-like poster of yours. The color suits it all but the background, unfortunately, does not match the poster – I wonder why. And I also wonder why there is a dog in the poster when in your story, I recall, there’s not even one scene linking that Haneul has a pet dog. I know it’s absurd for me to think of such little things but a poster needs to match with the story as well. There must be a meaning to why there is this, there is that.

Description (& Foreword): 7/10

How to say this… I took quite a while to review your description. It’s too detailed. It was as if you have told half of your story and the other half is for the readers to know it their selves. Reduce it or cut some parts of your description to make it more intriguing for the readers to go on and read the whole story to know the missing parts in it. You could make your description long, fancy but not too long and too much fancy for example for a start;

Haneul misunderstood the pretty face named Kai and confessed her love to him. Kai, too, misunderstood the cute nerd Haneul and plays jokes on her.

This defines their personality and tells what was going on between them. You must describe the story; it is after all a description. Lastly, your foreword is okay, there’s nothing to mark about it. *winks*

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality: 5/5

The chapters so far is what I say ‘unexpected’ and this ‘unexpected’ makes your story original and makes you a creative person. Like for example, Haneul is actually a rich girl – I didn’t, for the first time, stupidly, didn’t see that coming. I cursed myself, actually, thinking how stupid I was to not be able to see that. Haha. I love it how sneaky the character’s plans are. And it gives me the feeling of curious to know what they are actually planning. Well done.

Plot: 20/20

You’ve done this well, my friend. Your plot from having Haneul confessed to the fiancé part was splendid. I love it. Even though some are cliché like the arranged marriage and a love story between a nerd and a popular guy but somehow you made a twist out of them, then you combined them together to make one spinning story. Well done. *claps*

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar: 6/15

You’ve got a lot of spelling errors like;

Slighty – supposed to be ‘slightly’

Angried – supposed to be ‘angered’

Stoff – I don’t know what this is but I think it’s supposed to be ‘stuff’

And if you are serious on writing fictions, you must not add more errors in one word like ‘Lucckkyyyyy’. This is really wrong for a serious author to do. You do use some big words but what a reader really wants is more adjective; more describing about one habitation and a character’s action. Grammar, I understand, is a problem to every author in the world. Let me correct some of your errors;

Getting themselves drunk, flirting with each other…

Getting their selves drunk, flirting with each other…

The Royale Club. Where all the rich kids hang out.

The Royale Club, where all the rich kids hang out… (Add some continuation; you must not leave it hanging)

Ha Neul’s appearance increased Jong In’s friends desire.

Ha Neul’s appearance increased Jong In’s friends’ desire.

I advise you to find a beta-reader or educate your own self. I am also once an author of my own, and English is never my first language but I taught myself grammar and new words my own by going through the internet or read books and dictionaries or so. (I’m a nerd) But I could still understand the whole story even with those errors, so I give you credit for that.

Characterization: 9/15

Haneul is a pretending-to-be-a-nerd kind of rich girl who is a daughter of the CEO of KCorp. She is perfect – to me, is too perfect. She has a crush on the school’s arrogant, pretty face king, Kai – whom she misunderstood to be a great, well-mannered guy. She knew that Kai was trying to dump her, not knowing who she actually is. But she still wants him and did her best to make him fall in love with her. And then!! She hates him after Kai kissed her and embarrassed her and then asked for a challenge – which is something so unexpected and crazy, to me. Then she also got a fiancé, Chanyeol, who came by at the last minute in Chapter 10. And she likes him for making her heart beats so unusually? Somehow, her character hurts my head, sorry but yes it does. I couldn’t understand her well for the lack of reasons for her actions. You have to tell the readers what’s the motive for her actions, tell her clearly why she acts that way.

Kai has this cliché personality of a rich, popular kid in school and misunderstood Haneul for a poor girl in love. He dislikes how Haneul never gives up on him and tries to deny her. He has no clue to who Haenul is until Chanyeol came to the scene. He is also having feelings for Haneul after the increasing of chapters and that’s good.

Chanyeol came by at what you call, last minute. You see, your story is about Kai, Haneul and Chanyeol so the three should have made their appearance at the first chapter, the maximum would be the third chapter. I have never read a story which one of the main characters first appears at the tenth chapter. I was like ‘where’s Chanyeol?’ from the first few chapters and after that, I almost forgot Chanyeol was supposed to be in the story. So I was quite surprise when I read Chanyeol’s sudden appearance in chapter 10. Chanyeol’s character was quite vague. Suddenly being matched with a stranger and haven’t met and get to know each other, Chanyeol has already beginning to fall in love with Haneul. That’s somehow absurd, actually. Beginning to fall in love with a person you don’t know well yet. But I guess it is possible.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles: 5/5

Nothing to mark here for you only numbered the titles.

Flow; 9/10

Great. A bit slow and a bit fast but yeah the part where Chanyeol appears – like what I’ve told you in the characterization section, his appearance was late enough.

Writing Style: 4/10

I don’t like how you put lines to make a gap between your paragraphs. You could just continue and I also dislike the author notes in the middle of the story. It disturbs the reader’s outlook. You should always, always add some describing of time and place and people in your story so that readers could imagine the world of your imagination clearly.

Extra & Notes: +3

You managed to make me smile at some fluffy scenes (especially with Chanyeol’s appearance even though I’m not a fan of him). I enjoyed it and I thank you for that! So I gave you some extra points! Don't forget to credit us!

Total Score: 77 〆