Username: Ahri_Storm

Story Title (&link): Loving You

Main Characters (+pairings): Kim Taehyung, Jung Hoseok, Jeon Jungkook.

Featuring: BTS

Genre(s): , Trigger (Bullying, signs of depression of character), Romance, 

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 19

Rated?: In Rated category, but no rated scenes yet except bullying.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
Note; From lovely_ninja_monkey, to Ahri_Storm; a review type of gift for "Loving You". Happy Name-Day~! ^-^ 

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

 "Loving You" is a common title that's seen around, but there are so many things regarding someone loving another person and I feel it does fit. It's a representation of what the story basically is. 

Poster/Background;  5/5

    Actually, scrolling down I widened my eyes because I haven't seen a deeper shade of pink used like that and work so well! I was surprised how it softens the images of the boys, but at the same time it isn't cutesy or overly girly! And the title font... perfection tied up with a bow. Usually people either do the title in one whole font (most times a special font and it overdoes it), or they mix it up and make the poster look bad. But your crafting skills with graphics is great and so is your eye for design and aesthetics~! 
    And the background compliments it just right - I think it sets off a more... bright tone than some of the elements presented in this piece, but it's lovely and I think it fits well with the poster.

Description & Foreword;  9/10

   
   The first line tells us all we need to know of the overall idea that was supposed to take place through the story: a bet. Started by Jimin. And then Hoseok jokes to Jungkook he'll lose. 
   "A simple bet, that is going to connect three souls in more than one way." - this goes with the overall romantic vibe that is set aside; fate, romance, love, something more than the three themselves. It's a common theme, sure, but as I don't read all too much, I am hoping to see this go well. Not that is any different, but it's three guys and guys portray different emotions than girl on the surface. 
    Although in that specific sentence, you don't need the comma after 'bet'. 
    "Regret...Love...Suffering...Revenge..." - Although I'm not a fan of sentences like this, the only other way I could see it is if you'd single spae between them, but it's all the same. Maybe space after the ellipsis after each word? They look crowded otherwise. Maybe it's just me that thinks that... 
     For that specific line we get another general feel of the story point: regret, love, suffering, revenge. Maybe that's the plotline, too, because it seems like those describe substantial plot points for the story. Regret, from the bet, maybe? Love, something they didn't expect. Suffering, again, from the bet...? Revenge - that is the most interesting word of the four, because you kind of expect the other three, but with the word "revenge" being thrown in, I now have a higher expectation that this will either have a twist in it or the revenge will be great - not just a word. 
     "What would you do, if you fell in love with the one, you hurt the most?" - now, I hate to say this, but this line is very cliche for this particular outline of a plot. No need to delete it, I'm just telling you what may already be obvious. And to me, the question both seems like "then don't do anything drastic otherwise you'll just hurt them more?" but then there's also the whole "love is extreme, so imagine trying to fix what you did... how would that go?" It's something that will go either way, and it's both interesting and at the same time, there could be some other cliffhanger available there to draw readers in. 

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  5/5

    Stories regarding bets never end well - unless it's one of the few gems that let the plotline go and expand out and actually make a good go of things. With the way you made this story, I actually enjoyed it. And since I'm not a reader, because the stories either amplify or wrong things or are badly done, I was surprised at all the emotions displayed (and they were a bit overly done, but hey, some characters are the emotional type, right?) and I got the feels from everyone in the story, whether it be love, adoration, anger, irritation, etc. I just love what you made of the story and how things are with it. And your small additions to it made me giggle because you did so well! Your writing is so good and so is your creativity for any story line. 

Plot;  20/20

     I, at first, didn't like the idea of bet because the last few bet stories I read weren't the best... I thoroughly enjoyed how the plotline sits and what comes of it and even down to the small things. The difference between the characters is fun, and when it comes to the bullying topic... it's not an easy topic to get through and create, but yours was the usual and how you displayed the thoughts of not only the relatable and genuine Taehyung, the thoughts of others was showing us things that helped with the plot and even the tiny and few subplots I saw. 
    I'm glad you took a plotline, which is almsot common, and you turned it into a fun, relatable, sad, and well done story. I wanted to hug them, or yell, or question things or tell them not to pick on Taehyung. My only dislike of this story was the fact out of a whole school, no one cared. And though it's not your fault, it's my general reader side that feels so bad for Taehyung. And it makes me hate the s who ignored him and hurt him.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   14/15

      In the first chapter, though the writing is pretty damn well done, you get to 'were' and I'm here to help fix it. "Were" is past tense, and though it sounds like "where", which is the word you were looking for. You said your first language isn't English, which is totally fine and I'm not going to punish you (I've had a reviewer blatantly tell me I don't speak English when it's my first language, so I'm not one to be mean with languages. English is hard, bro. And it's my native tongue!) .. But back to my point. Where is the word you were aiming for - see my example and point? Eheh. uwu Were is past tense and passive, as well as a word that's commonplace is within questions. That's how you remember 'were' better than anything; 'were you doing that?', 'where were they the other night?', 'were it anyone else-', etc. 
     Other than that, you did have typos and left out some words at points, but that is nothing. And in all honesty, I must say that even though you have another language as your native tongue, don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't type or speak well in English. You did phenomenal at your writing and that's why I'm raving so much. Because your writing is too delicious and I eat it up! I'm so happy when I see great writing, especially for stories I didn't really think would be the best for me to review. <3
     

Characterization;   10/15

    I'm not going to review all characters, just the main ones. 
    Taehyung is exciting to me because he is all alone, has secrets, and is so special because he sees the world as is, in shining colors, and since I relate in a way, I am so warmed by it. This is bias, I know, but I still think you did wonderful! And the twists I saw... brilliantly done.
    For Hoseok and Jungkook, I found Jungkook in specific was too connected from the beginning, when he actually shouldn't be. But that makes him... well, him. But I do feel he got connected to quickly. And his secrets and past life is an interesting topic, but for some reason, as a reader, I felt weird about Jungkook from the start. 
    As for Hoseok, I liked his playful attitude and how he tries to win at every moment and winds up getting frustrated that Taehyung basically rejects him as much as he can. It's two different types of boys fighting for Taehyung, and though they are basic stereotypes, I loved how they were throughout. Although, I still don't ship either of the boys with Taehyung whatsoever, and that's only because even though it was a bet and apologies could be considered and love should conquer all... I would like Taehyung to move on in life and the other boys and he find someone else. You never know; even ending up with one or the other (because he could switch like a girl changes shoes ;) i'm referencing your quote), he could grow up and realize there is someone out there much better. 
     As for the other boys noted, I particularly loved Yoongi the most. Jin was dramatic and definitely a shocker that I couldn't help but want more of. Yoongi was a heart-warmer. The rest felt like obvious fillers with good points and good spots when they were present. And the random girls wanting attention from their kingka oppas and trying to pry them away from "the freak" were adorably funny because I imagined it in my head and laughed a bit too much. 
     All in all, I found your characters well-done, but some had flaws where they were either over-cliche, too stereotyped, or done something too soon or un-character-like. That's my only downside to the characters I see. 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles; 5/5

Simple chapters, which I actually think suit this story.

Flow;  10/10

    The flow is great, honestly. But I'm putting this here because I need to. In the first chapter, you have all that amazingness going on, then you go to "Loving You by Ahri_Storm...Chapter 1" - you said in your author's note that you named it a prologue... and that's what it is. But with that being said, I think it'd fit better if you had it a chapter in front of it, titled as Prologue, because it is definitely an intense intro but the prologue should be separated from the beginning of the actual story. Even with AFF, you can create a new chapter and move it in front of the actual chapter. I feel that would be a better option than separating it like so. 

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

    I mentioned all my love for your writing multiple times, but I'll say it again and again: your writing is great. You describe things generously and almost in a sense like Taehyung, so he reminds me of you thanks to the writing - I feel a connection, you know?
    Your format had one little downside: putting "[your story's title] + [by you] + the chapter number" isn't necessary. In a book, they do that, but it's a different format. I just feel it isn't needed for your story. Everything else is fantastic! 
    

Extra & Notes; (+10)

  Facts about me: I rarely read unless it's amazingly written. I judge cliched stories. I never like the romance-y type stories that focus solely on love.
   Facts about me after reading this: This story made me ship couples (I'm all about the gay, but I feel some authors ruin it and go for their fantasies, you didn't not whatsoever). You made this story come alive and shown us true, brutual truths of life and though it has many cliche moments, I felt the warmth in me. I saw lots of love throughout - not just falling in love type of love, but many sorts; friendship, love of someone you can't have, forbidden love, masked love, hurtful love, obsessive love. And with that, I read on because you weren't making this story another generic type... you were making it personal, attractive, and gave feels to all BTS fans, I'm sure! ^^

Total Score; 103 ♡