Username: TofuMafia
Story Title (&link): A King in Chains
Main Characters (+pairings): Kim Jaejoong, Kim Hyunjoong, Shim Changmin, Shim Hyeri (OC), Shim Yun (OC)
Featuring: -----
Genre(s): Vampire, Supernatural, Romance, Death, Violence, AU
Current Length (No. of Chapters): 7
Rated?: Yes, for violence and death.
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl



_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5
 "A King in Chains" just sounds alluring. Why is a King in chains, of all things? Which, to me, always holds a depth of symbolism there, but... whatever the reason, I still find the title a great fit. 

Poster/Background;  4/5
    The poster is lovely, but at the same time, I feel the OC's picture could either be faded/erased in spots or have a different image in its place. Same goes for Jaejoong and Hyunjoong... That image looks nice, but they feel too smashed together. Everything else about the poster is great - I just have this... distaste for the images used.
   As for the BG image, I do adore it because it gives a light (pun intentended) and beautiful feel; the thing I hate with those types of pictures as BGs is the repeat option that makes it seem too much. I have dealt with that personally. So, no points off, because I do like the image, but if a reader gets distracted from the repeated lights, I will have warned you.


Description & Foreword;  9/10
   Even the first line is a great draw-in line for this. "In a world where it is rare for noble vampires to have female children-" I automatically have this heightened curiosity and go "WHY?" And although the next line revolves around one of those "overused" engaged before they have a say things... it fits perfectly here, unlike other stories. I'm just really impressed with how well the description draws me in, as a reader. 
   Telling of Hyeri and Yun - their two similar, but different lives that'll ensue - and the vampires they'll be wed to... what an amazing description and even a promising thing to look forward to. 
   However... the last line "When engaged to one person, is it possible to love another?" - this line is cliche, yes. At first it made me uneasy and a bit let down, but thinking it over... this really does call for a story that I'll want  to read and find out more about. And this actual thing is one of the first in a while to have such a cliffhanger-type feel to the description, while also giving us all the info we truly need before we start.

FOREWORD:
    The Foreword is basically their images. And I feel you could resize, or even have a character chart for that, because even if these people are highly charming with their captivating and stunning faces (cries at Jaejoong), it's distracting and takes up unnecessary amounts of room.

   And you have a Soundtrack. I just mentioned in my last review how much I love people for including this feature; though not generally needed, it always gives a feel/vibe to the story that outweighs the words sometimes. So, I'm happy with this. And the choices of song... applause-worthy. 
 

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  5/5
    I am weak-kneed for stories like these. Especially when they have fun characters, great clothing that is actually approriate for the era, and just everything is right and it detailed greatly! I adore it, very much so. I love your writing style - I took the chance as soon as I saw no one was capturing this place to review. The creativity is the thing I love most with you - your pairings are adorable, the family issues are great, the story line is always worth reading. And this is a normal "not Princess falls for a Prince or vice versa" and though I see that with your stuff, it's still original and a fresh outlook because you don't automatically throw the love in the reader's face! You glide easily through the story and show us their true selves. I love that!

Plot;  20/20
     I am screaming in my mind at the fact I haven't held such a desperate need to read on for a lengthy story in WEEKS. Aside from a couple fanfics here and there that I review, yours is one of the ultimate favorites - not only for the amazing plot, but the characters (which I'm so impressed with.)
    The plot here isn't highlighted and show clearly, and that's a perfect move for your story. You give us the subplots and little moments that add on to the story and even paragraphs of what could be. I absolutely am lost at finding words to describe my adoration for how you've created this. You've turned the vampire world back on it's original head (because Twilight shook it up), and you've given strong roles, strong story lines, and surprises that left me baffled! 

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   15/15
    Few grammatical errors and typos. But otherwise, this was well done and no comments against it. Even the detail was panned out greatly.

   i love the details too much and the way you describe it all.
   


Characterization;   15/15
    I don't know where to start... Jaejoong's character is great, but sinister and so harsh but that keeps steady (which is great, because how many stories on AFF mix the characters up?) - then there's Hyunjoong, who wants revenge and to avenge his namesake. And these two are so powerful and determined, yet so opposite and I LOVE IT. 
    Then there's the twins. Hyeri and Yun. Of course, right off the back I side with Yun because I see myself in her (usually readers do that) and I dislike Hyeri a bit. Because those bossy types just... make me dislike them. Yet, I see her love for Yun and how protective she is and I love that... even for tiny girls, they're so mature and whatnot (I'm guessing from vamp genes?) and... when Hyeri got killed, I was so shocked beyond belief. I honestly didn't see it coming and it left me dumbfounded and rereading... But that adds on to the brilliant mind you gave Hyunjoong because he took the one thing Jaejoong was connected to (through marriage) and destroyed it. 
    And then Dana. I love Dana. She's smart, and knows what to do and not to do, and those other people were so... rude to a child, especially Chaerin, though she died, gladly (in my mind, at least. So be it.) But Dana, to me, is a great, almost "motherly" figure in a way. Or a close, older sister type. Like Changmin, she's close to the twins, but I still feel a tight connection to them, as I do reading of Changmin with them.
    And Seunghyun... oh dear. I hope it isn't the worst case scenario, but he sure does stick his foot in his mouth, as Jaejoong chided. And the language of the flowers- SYMBOLISM I AM SO HAPPY SOMEONE WRITES OVER THIS. I love that stuff and knew some of it anyways. So I grinned like some creepy fangirl. But- in my case, I'm really expectant on what's going to happen with Seunghyun's role. Is he bad? Good? In between? 
   And aside from everything, my last note for characterization is just... the way you've written these roles - these amazing characters - has left me so giddy to read on, and have to wait patiently like any reader should... Yun seems to fit better with Jaejoong, compared to the dream she had of him and Hyeri when she was little. And to me, I favor Yun, but is there more to Hyeri's death and mentions of it afterwards? I'd like to see that come about and how Yun gets over it... even Jaejoong. 
    But all-in-all, I adore this story and the charactization as well as development you've already created in such a short story already, but with very well detailed and filled chapters. I can't wait to see more and more!
    

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5
The chapter titles fit well with each scene given in the chapter. And they fit the overall theme of the story, actually.


Flow;  9/10
    The flow is great here. Although with - what was it? - the dream or whatever it was... I got utterly confused, but after reading onward and understanding it wasn't the current moment... I understood. But it was when the chapter starts with Yun going to sleep and BAM they're twenty and Hyeri is following Jaejoong and- I got confused. That was my problem, and I guess that would fit more-so under formatting, but I feel it should go here instead. 
    Otherwise, the pace and flow of the story are beyond wonderful, because you give us the right amounts of detail and hints to what may come. The story is outlined with questions and mystery, like you intended, and you never go off-key with what your story seems to be about. So that's great. 

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10
    I do this a lot, format-wise, but it's an issue I'm going to fix. And don't feel the need to change it, but it is an eyesore for me (even to my own writing which I abuse) - not indenting after you already have with the first paragraph... it bothers me. If you indent there, continue to do so as you move on with your story... don't just space and not pay attention to the lack of indention. 

   Otherwise, I hope you see through this review that I'm now obsessed with your story and it's gonna kill me. Kidding, on that, but I do really hold your writing on a pedestal! You need more subs omg.

Extra & Notes; (+10)
   This is beautiful. I love it a lot, of course. And the entire story and character display is overwhelmingly well done. I love most of the characters and dislike a few, because that's what you show. Your style is ALWAYS GREAT, ALRIGHT. That's something I love about you is the writing. 




Total Score; 107 ♡