Username: Kaylalovestar

Story Title (&link): Forbidden

Main Characters (+pairings): Luhan, Choo Hei Ran, Kim Woo Bin

Genre(s): Romance, Historical

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 2

Rated? No

Reviewer: Rin

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title: 1/5

From at first sight, it is gorgeous but is over used and probably may not be able to attract masses of readers. And if you added ‘love’ at the end won’t even change that fact so I suggest you find a better title or another word to replace ‘forbidden’. In my opinion, HeiRan’s and Luhan’s love is not necessarily be called forbidden… in my opinion.

Poster/Background: 2/5

The poster is messed with layers and textures – the color is also… quite dull and it seems, to me, rather boring. And Hei Ran from the poster, despite the hair, looked like Himchan from B.A.P. I laughed so hard when comparing their picture together! Did you notice that? But anyway, I do love the characters’ look in the poster. It suits the story.

Description & Foreword: 10/10

I love everything about your description. I love how you describe what was actually going on in your story. But the ‘or worse, the…,’ should have been ‘Or worse, the…’ And the ‘“and I thought my fate couldn't get crueler than it already is..”’ is supposed to be ‘“And I thought my fate couldn’t get crueler than it already is…”’ Other than that is fine.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality: 4/5

I think its original enough but it is what, a bit cliché. I could find a similar story but with different characters and positions. Arranged marriage and so, I find it boring. It needs a little bit of a twist.

Plot:  18/20

There’s a princess who is adore by many and is forced to marry a prince, really common, and her mother is dying. She’s probably forced to marry because there were no sons in the family and the country needed a king (?) but then which you haven’t updated the next chapter, probably according to your description, she did a mistake and was thrown to a cell having her meet a prisoner (who is quite handsome ehem) and fell in love with him, I think. Well, your story, right now only consist 2 chapters so… ^^

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar:  15/15

I don’t see a lot of grammar errors but I see a good use of vocabulary. There are few spelling mistakes (for example: ‘My apologize’ it is supposed to be ‘My apologies’) and caps lock problems but it’s probably just you being inept. Haha! Well done!

Characterization:  -/15

I won’t mark this for the lack of chapters you updated. I won’t know how your characterization goes without a story, can I?

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles: 5/5

I love the Cinderella reference so much! I hope you keep this up!

Flow: 10/10

For now, your flow is good. I hope you keep that up for further updates!

Writing Style (format + your style): 10/10

I love it. But I really don’t like that your story in one chapter is short, it’s making the readers impatient (including me). J

Extra & Notes:

Please do ask for another review when you have more chapters to read like, above 15 or so… But I think your story will have a bright future so do not ever give up writing!

Total Score: 90/100