Username: donbaekwood

Story Title (&link): Wanted: Dr. Zhang

Main Characters (+pairings): Zhang Yixing, Byun Baekhyun, OC, Oh Sehun, Park Chanyeol

Genre(s): Angst, drama, romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 33

Rated?: Yes

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

    It's the reason I chose it, because of the name. It looked interesting and it suits the story very well anyways since he's a main character. Plus, I now have to know why he's wanted and what happens!
 

Poster/Background;  1/5

    The poster isn't my favorite. I have to hate on posters since I'm not an expert, but they are the face of the story. The giant X in front of the title throws me off (and would anyone), since it's such a distraction. The X's on the two characters aren't bad, but their eyes are out and that's another thing I don't like. Why are they marked out? If their names are there and we see them... don't mark out the eyes unless... well, I have no example for "unless".

    I think the poster would look better refreshed and have not so many blinding elements that distract you, you know? I like the bottom, but the top is a mess and distracting.

    As for the background, in a smaller size window, the gun looks to me pointing from in between the body of the story and the columns to the left, so it looks... awkward. A solid background would do justice for the already-busy poster.

Description & Foreword;  6/10

    The description is so simple, and if it wasn't so absorbing, I would tell you to add on. But this gets to the point, doesn't reveal too much, and is a good cliffhanger/dead-end for the story to begin at.

    FOREWORD:
    The Foreword has grammar problems, so I'll help.

    "Sometimes, we find life very amusing. You want something to happen, but you get something else instead. You rise up, you fall down. You get hurt, you get cured. It repeats the same cycle either way. Everyday.

    You kill people, you save them. | You run away, you come back. | You're stuck in the past, you anticipate the future. | You fall in love, you get hurt. | They say two people who are in love must have something in common. | They do. | They only have one thing in  common... they both want to kill each other."

    So, you get your past/present/future tenses mixed up. Compared to the originally written Foreword of this, I fixed "you got something else" to "you get something else" because 'got' is past, and this particular tense setting isn't past, but present. And you get that mixed up; most is present, except for some general words I see a lot of people mess up on. Got, have, will, did. All those and more. Just Google in the past/present/future tenses if you ever get too stuck, or as a friend, or even think hard to yourself and read things aloud. The tenses are a hard thing to kept imprinted on the mind, and after some time they fade or you get mixed up. Just always have a set tense on the mind and try to figure out which goes where. ^^

    Also, for the Foreword, I feel like the first part is very repeated. Though I like the first paragraph, after that you start to nearly repeat ideas and it gets laggy. You need to delete or re-edit what you have because it's just... tiring. And what you have in bold, you can keep, so maybe try working around that?

    The excerpt was great for a Prologue. It gave the perfect glimpse and showed us hurting emotions just in the first moment of meeting our characters. That's a good thing to have on hand and be able to display right off the bat!

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality; 4/5

    It's not the first time I've seen an idea like this, but it's the first time in a long time and with one done to where I really enjoyed it! You make Seyeon real and not contradicted. You make her emotions come alive and you show us that she respects and loves her job, and does whatever for it. You show us a character that is seen typically but she is more relatable now. 

    I think with the overall idea and concept, however, it surprised me in a way. I did expect repeats and lots of mishaps and nothing I'd enjoy. I tend to judge stories by their covers and descriptions - even though I'm a reviewer. But I am happy to say this was a fun read and I loved not having to wait for updates!
 

Plot;  9/20

    The plot is something I've seen a looot. The whole 'assassin falls for target' thing. And it happens, so that was predictable. And then the revenge. And the . I mean, for anyone who hasn't read these types, they'd really enjoy how refreshing it is to have such a strong leading pair who have to both go for one another. But this also reminds me of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie-Pitt. Except different, of course. But this story had so many elements that have been overused... it saddens me to say, honestly. Because I enjoyed it, but it's not something I'd go crazy over.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   10/15

    Grammar is your main problem. I explained that in the Foreword part. Aside from that giant pain (trust me, I know the feeling), there are minor typos. I am seriously giddy over your detailing job! You make me feel the heat of the moment or the chill of fear; that's what readers crave when it comes to stories! They expect a thrill, or some sensation that draws them in deeper. And as the author, it's your job, and I like how you did it!

    Another problem I want to address is the . This section is my detailing part, too, and that's the part of I want to refer to at the moment. When it comes to stories and , people use the same technique, and many writers go for the same moments to display and the moans and groans to happen too fast - I'm only telling you this because I'm very picky with AFF's performance. I don't like rereading the same action over and over, which I witnessed. And maybe give some more feelings in the mix instead of and panting and crying out. There's more to even just a quickie than that. After effects, silly little mishaps- you did show the nerves Seyeon got at one point and I'm like "yes, real person feels!" which is what I like to refer to as my happiness for realism. Bravo for that. This is not hating, because I greatly enjoyed reading through this, but I'm just suggesting, because, that's my job. ^^

Characterization;   9/15

    Seyeon was one that saddened me at one point because she was real, but then again her character was so stereotypical and predictable. She falls for Yixing, he falls for her, and thanks to that awfully predictable subplot... I fell out of love for both characters. But, in my opinion, I really didn't like Yixing to begin with. Not at your fault, just as a reader. I pick characters to dislike (like villians in the story, you know?) So, I typically rooted against him and Seyeon.

    Baekhyun was interesting in this, too. I thought maybe, in a weird way, something would come up for him and a spark would happen. Not romantically (and Seyeon is his sis) but like... he'd get some dynamite scene or dramatic moment, you know?

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  3/5

    I enjoy how they fit so well, but at points I felt like they just... repeated in the idea, not hte word itself.

Flow;  5/10

     The flow was great... until we hits bumps where we needed to see more story and detail and less... whatever was in place at the time. You end up skipping faster than needbe to each exciting part. I'm not saying at boring parts, but add comments from narrator's perspective or how things are or how the place feels- anything. Just don't skip too fast because it not only looks bad, but you get readers hella confused.

Writing Style (format + your style);  8/10

    This story is fairly good, with some things I'd rather not see, but everyone has their own likes and dislikes. I do feel happy with your writing style and how you've done all of it.

    I don't like the A/N colors though. My eyes-

Extra & Notes; (+5)

And before I end this, I'm going to focus on the final chapters:
    I loved the twist on how Seyeon gets shot. I don't love that Yixing actually hesitated and Kris had to do it. I'd rather Yixing do it, regret it, then Kris go for the gun and be all, "Let's shoot her more" or something and he die from Yixing there. And I died (not in a good way) as we watched Yixing carry her to his car and they make it to the hospital in little to no time - albeit from the woods - and then wait for surgery even though she's shot in the chest? Please don't hit me for this, but you don't live that long if you are shot in the chest. I know a kid, from my school, who was shot in the shoulder and he died in less than thirty minutes. And that was not near the heart. I understand it taking time to drive and she won't die immedietly, but she can't wait on surgery, dumbf-- doctors. I'm moreso yelling at characters mentally than you. Even with this current event of her dying in the moment, we skip too fast for my liking and it's like one second we are driving from abandoned woods to next second "hi doc my gf is dyin". If Yixing ran over someone, I wouldn't be surprised.

   I just... don't like Yixing, can't understand how the guys didn't choose a place too far from a hospital so they can make sure Seyeon doesn't live, and then... I'm nearly rooting for her to die because of the twisted mess.

Total Score; ♡

75

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

Thanks for the opportunity and don't hate me too much. >_<