Username: Faekyr

Story Title (&link): Mind Sync

Main Characters (+pairings): Sehun | OC | other EXO members

Genre(s): angst, drama, romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 32

Rated?: yes

Reviewer: Moony_Kat

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title; 4 /5

It’s an interesting title, definitely original and definitely attracting the readers. However, I didn’t catch the link to the actual story, to be sincere. It could be the way Haeun turns to Sehun and vice-versa, or it could be more. But personally, it doesn’t really relate to the story.

Poster/Background;  4.5/5

The poster is great, but, knowing who the girl used is and knowing she’s actually older than Oh Sehun, triggered me off a bit, you know? And the, I think a different picture of Sehun’s could have been used, one that could have made him look more mature and not a school uniform.

Description & Foreword;  9/10

The description is nice. It sums up the story pretty well without any turn-offs and it describes the situation in which your OC is put before getting down to the actual story. There are two mistakes that I’d like to point out since they have no logic: 1. after  “her luck”, there should be a colon, not a semicolon because what comes after describes her luck and 2. the word “iceman” means something different from what you’re referring to, so it should be changed to a more appropriate phrase… maybe “ice like man” or “ice-prince”.

Now about the foreword: I think you should mention that it’s actually an excerpt from the story and not actually the prologue. Prologue = an introduction or preface, an introductory chapter to a novel/story.

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  3/5

Arranged marriage. A husband that suffers the ice-prince syndrome in the beginning. uality gets overthrown. And of course, the villain.

I could say that there is nothing special or original here since let’s admit, they’re all overused ideas we find in a lot of fanfics written before the EXO era. But it would be slightly unfair towards you as an author, because you gave your own plot twists that kept your readers waiting for updates and you brought your own colours. For that I need to give the proper credits. However, if I were to stumble across your story now, without knowing you are or being a fan of Sehun, I wouldn’t give the story a chance by only reading the foreword and description.

Plot;  15/20

The story definitely follows a well-built plot that follows the couple Sehun/Haeun and their married life, the ups-and-downs they need to confront with, but at the same time, despite being prettily presented and very well-written, I feel that there are parts that are over dramatic and parts that lack consistency and are there only to fill gaps. There are also two major plot holes I haven’t understood back when I read the story and that I didn’t understand now either: 1. Sehun’s uality and change of mind and 2. Haeun’s change of heart. I know it’s a fictional story and all, but, you’re trying to keep the story as real as it can, right? Then these two things don’t change overnight. And let’s say that Haeun could have a change of heart. But for Sehun’s uality that’s something completely different!

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   15/15

Your English is fine, there are some, very few actual language mistakes and typos, but they’re nothing much that could change the meaning or sentence. Good job!

Characterization;   12/15

You portray your characters very well, even though sometimes they come into conflict with their original nature only for the sake of getting where (probably) the readers want to see them or just to get a happy ending.

Oh Sehun - he’s introduced as a major bastard that not only that is not prepared to get married due to various reasons, but also suffers from a rare condition I like to call narcissism mixed with a lot of sadism. He’s mean and evil and cares only for himself. Until BOOM! you get a brand new Sehun that seems to forget that he’s not into ladies… now that was strange for me. I would have prefered him to stay gay (no, I’m not into ), but with him changing, I feel that it was done just for the sake of finding his happiness next to the person he got married to. In real terms, that’s not possible.

Jung Haeun - she’s strong; I like that about her. She’s not the wimpy type of woman and she carried her battles with pride and courage. Cheers to that! But there are times when I feel she’s falling to the Mary Sue side, you know? Times when she’s over dramatic, times when she’s irrational, times when it crystal clear she’s just a fictional character. But, I still like her!

Kris - he’s a push and some sort of frame story in your fic. Although he is connected to Haeun and Sehun and the villain, the chapters with him are more than likely to throw your readers in a completely different universe than that of the actual story. And I find that refreshing! He’s like a breath of fresh air compared to the angsty nature of Sehun.

And then there’s Luhan, who, in my opinion, is the perfect villain. He has no reasoning, he has no consciousness, he acts only on instinct and in his own interest. He lack what normal people have: the power of empathy.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

Nothing wrong with them. And I actually like the quotes or the chapter titles you use right at the beginning of the actual chapter.

Flow;  9.5/10

Almost perfect, I’m telling you! There are some few parts that seem to drag the story a little and toward the end, the story seems rushed, like you wanted to get it done already.

Writing Style (format + your style);  8.5/10

First of all, if I were you, I’d use the standard, black colour for the font. It looks more professional than the reddish brown you’re currently using. Fanfics are not that different from popular novels. And I haven’t seen one written with such a colourful font from what I remember.

Secondly, you use second person in all of the chapters, thing with allows you to help the readers get a closer look to the feelings of your characters. But be careful, sometimes you get lost in long, descriptive paragraphs and the feelings you try to surprise lose their meaning in over pompous words.

Extra & Notes;

Hey there!

Hope my review didn’t sound too harsh or anything like that^^’ You know that as the reader I fangirled over your story pretty much. But as your reviewer I couldn’t overlook the things I pointed out above. I hope you’ll take my observations as helpful for other incredible stories you’ll write in the future and not only as criticism :)

Total Score; 85.5 ♡