Username: nightStar
Story Title (&link): I'm On My Way
Main Characters (+pairings): HunHan - Sehun and Luhan
Genre(s): Oneshot, Romance(?)
Current Length (No. of Chapters): 1 - Oneshot
Rated?: No
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
 

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

The title sounds like something sweet between people, which I think fits this well. Anymore I have been seeing people either overdo titles or have really cliche ones, and for some reason I really like this one. But my only advice regarding titles is to just make sure it either relates to the story or isn't so off topic it confuses people. But yours is the first one. So, good job.
 

Poster/Background;  5/5

Movie-like poster and I hate to be playing a favoritism card, but those types of posters are my favorite. The way the poster is done is really good and from it, it seems to be about HunHan (obviously) and seems to imply the nature between the two characters.
    The way the title is done here is also something I like. Though I would say they should make the title lighter on bottom as to not take away from the actually, right facing title above it. But I still like how it is mirrored and then separated by a small line that gives insight into the story itself. Overall, I enjoy viewing this poster and think it represents the story well!

/No background - didn't deduct, because I don't care about them much.

Description & Foreword;  6/10

In the description is something I have a love-hate relationship for: character information. I love it because you see who exactly is in the story beforehand and who they are, which I like for the fact I can judge if I want to read or like how the characters are (and checking to see if they aren't stereotypes or overused ideals). The hate part is the fact it just goes and shows you upfront who is there and who they are. I like to meet characters through the story, with descriptions and their characters info, background and/or development throughout. I'd take that over character charts any day.

    The advice for the characters info is as follows:
Don't double space it all. Or if you do, give it more detail. For no double spacing, click enter + shift. You could also apply a format style like "name, age, role, etc." or even go get a character chart done for you, which gives just as much insight.
    And even though adding the picture of HunHan (fanpics, no less) is a good way to portray the HunHan thing through images, I just don't like it. They are fantaken and I just feel it doesn't go. Though you did credit the original ower of the photos, can you believe some people leave it out? Which is no biggie, honestly, but I always like people doing that.

Foreword:
Now for the first picture, I'm fine with it. It says "HunHan" in giant font and displays them together, as implied. I don't know why exactly, but I like this version of pictures included than the one in the description area. Also! Here you need to either apply the "enter + shift" method to take out those pesky double spaces or just delete it all. Try not to add the extra questions marks, too. Even though each writer is entitled to his/her own writing style, I don't like it. Back to the format of the foreword - Putting the first two lines closer is more advised. Like for example: Center it and then enter + shift and add the second line under the first. I wouldn't take out anything you have written here because I think it is all a good representation of what to expect and what to display to the audience firsthand. I say you can format however you want, but I don't like the double spacings. It gives too large of gaps and throws me off entirely.
 

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  4/5

I do like how you started off with the breakup. Lots of stories start with the first meeting (I'm tired of that, honestly), and then breakup halfway through only to fall into each other's arms by the end of it. So starting off with a breakup is a fresh thing, which I like a lot.

I also enjoy how you portray the boys and their characters, though I found some of their attitude rude (not talking like a reviewer right now, it feels) and they were being this way to a friend! Like- why, guys? You are supposed to go against what the guy's ex said, not agree. Haha! I liked that element in the character's very much. It made me smile at best.

Even though there are scenes written out that are used a lot throughout fanfiction, I did enjoy your own style of writing the scenes in your head. The punch, the lost love between the two and regaining it; I liked it.

Plot;  14/20

A very widely seen plot, maybe because I've read so much fanfiction, but how Luhan acts and some of the characters personas and attitudes towards the situations at play were what made it your own. I liked the plot for that alone. Though it is hard to pull your own plot out, even if you think it is your own, I always see resemblances between stories. But I did like your story nonetheless.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   8/15 - took off for lack of detail and vocab.

 I do not mean this in a bad way, I swear, but is English your native language? If not, that is fine. If so, please don't take offense. I just want to do this for help and critique. So here we go!

  I saw no mistakes in the foreword, but the story however... lots. Not spelling, really. Just punctuation, grammar, and not adding enough detail. There are some stories that do fine with so much dialogue, but those are generally like adaptions of plays or a TV show. For stories, I like detail, which everyone should. Detail helps you understand a character, who they are, how their environment around them is, and so on and so forth. Without this detail, you usually just imagine the characters in the same place throughout the story, only having other characters enter through an unknown hole in the wall. This is why detail is great! And even if you say where they are or give a small input to how they are feeling, that still isn't enough. You need to describe more! If they kiss, what do they feel? What's happening around them? Why not have a flashback at this time to show how the kisses have changed? And if the characters act like they do here, where I see Chanyeol as some cocky guy who does tell the truth but is a bit rude about it... why not describe how Sehun takes his words, or how Chanyeol is actually thinking at this time. Detail is always great, so please use more of it!

    As for the grammar, I didn't see anything too bad, only tiny things here and there. Like when you stutter (and this isn't technically grammar, moreso spelling), use "W-W-W-Where" or "H-How". Don't just add extra letters to the front, like how people do at the end to show they are drawing the word out. Because that is wrong, too. Only those forms of writing should be used in texts, please note. Back to grammar though. You can look up a thesaurus online to find similar words for basic usage of other words. Because seeing the same way of "reply" used or "thought" gets boring after a while. So try finding a synonym for that word and use it, okay? You'll learn more words this way and it helps you learn a wider variety of synonyms for future reference. ^^
 

Characterization;   11/15

 I didn't really see character development, which saddens me. We got to meet the characters in the foreword and then throughout the story, but we didn't get to see who they really are or how light or dark their hair is, or what flaws they have, and more. It's always good to get to know your characters through a story, even if it is a oneshot. I think the only time it is deemed appropriate to not know the characters personal info or anything is if the oneshot is tiny, but even then I see characters change or we see more of them. This is what I want to see. Especially since Sehun was just broken up with by Luhan, and why Chanyeol is like he is, why Baekhyun is Baekhyun, and why Xiumin is so.. Xiumin. Even adding why Luhan is doing what he is doing is a good way to show us who Luhan is internally and not keep us strangers with him throughout.

Just a small extra note though - without the details of how a character's mind works or how they are in general, you don't understand why they act a certain way. And whilst reading this, I kept getting confused as to why Luhan would act how he is mainly. He got so confusing at parts because he loved Sehun, but then said he cheated with Xiumin, and then they say he didn't cheat, but Xiumin kissed him - now is a good time to explain Luhan's actions in detail and not leave a reader hanging. Haha.
 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

Oneshot, so I don't count this.

Flow;  4/10

I think it went a bit fast at points. I told you I liked the beginning, and I did like the end, too. But I feel since there wasn't enough detail to actually be acceptable for so few scenes, it made it speed up and soon enough you are done with the oneshot. Sometimes this isn't the case, but here I think it's the lack of detail that makes it run through quickly.

Writing Style (format + your style);  9/10

I do like how you write, promise. I like who you created and the small tidbits of info you typed about in this story. How the characters talk is also a form of how you write, and I found their dialogue to be interesting, to say the least, so this gives me insight into your mind as well as how you write things down in story form.

The formatting was fine.
 

Extra & Notes; (+5)

I did enjoy "I'm On My Way", but I did get confused at points and the lack of detail always gets me right off the bat. I hate not seeing more of a character or knowing more about what's going on in the scenes besides people talking.

I think your only problems lie within grammar, vocab, double spacing, and just... no insight. You have good ideas for things and have such a unique way of showing the idea you have for stories. So, that's always great for someone! You have potential to be so good at writing, and I always wish you the best, lovely~!

Total Score; ♡

71

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

You have good ideas, you just need to execute them better. I hope I'm not too harsh in this because I mean no offense whatsoever. I enjoy your ideas and know you will be a very good writer as time goes by. ^^