Username: Moony_Kat
Story Title (&link): Nocturne
Main Characters (+pairings): EXO’s Kris, Kai, Lay, Sehun, Chanyeol, Tao & OC
Genre(s): Fantasy, Angst, Fantasy, Romance
Current Length (No. of Chapters): 12; (+)
Rated?: No, but has warnings(?)
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
 

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  4/5

Nocturne, first off, reminds me of nighttime and whatnot. That’s the first sense of what it might be about, so of course, I’m curious.
Nocturne actually fits the story, so far,  I think.

Poster/Background;  4.5/5

I like the coloring on the poster; how it’s done overall is something I really like and it’s pleasing to the eye! And I adore the wolf at the bottom. It makes me wonder what is going to take place involving the wolf, and the two in the poster.

Bg; simple, fitting to the poster.

Description & Foreword;  9/10

Description; There’s a link there, so first off, anyone would click it. It leads to what I’m guessing is the song that fits this (the title, I mean- and the point, but I don’t read Spanish all too well.)
And I really liked how the description was worded; it definietely made me curious as to what’s going to happen, who the six boys are, and what the heck is goingto take place on this little adventure they didn’t imagine they’d have!

Foreword; I really like how you have it worded “teasers” for the snippet of the story. I giggled throughout the dialogue there because it made me start to like those characters – their words, what they say altogether it just.. humorous and enjoyable, you know?
And the phrase in red… very interesting and intriguing.
And the trailer. I have such a weakness for trailers for fanfictions because it gives you an idea of the story, the plot altogether, the characters at hand, and so much more! So, kudos to that! <3

And I’d like to add that the codingwas well done and fit the entire story really well!   

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  4/5

I’m putting this here because.. it is yours and your creativity making me smile!

“I chased your memory from my mind,” the voice echoes in the darkness of the forest, making the fireflies turn off their lights above the lake.

That is the first sentence anyone reads of the story and I already know this is something I’m going to enjoy. Why? Because I like your style right from the beginning! And as I keep reading, I just enjoy it more. It’s simple, but fresh and worded quite well in my opinion. Singing, in the forest, making fireflies stop glowing cannot be put better.

I also love how you add things in here that no one expects (or that I didn’t expect tbh). The way you have that down to par, I like. Honestly, throughout what you have written so far, I didn’t expect it. The stories, the things that go on, the random moments, the giants, the bewitching, everything! Creative. ^^

Plot;  18/20

 I haven’t quite figured out the plot for this. I understand the ideas put into it, the scenes, the stories and how things kind of mesh together to form something. But I don’t think you’re entirely wanting everyone to figure it right off, you know? And that’s good! Because it leaves readers wondering and questioning what’s going to happen next, does this relate to that, what does that mean and so on.

I really like the setting and the themes brought into this though. The stories and lessons tell of true things that can be applied to our real lives and it goes so well throughout the story! It’s just.. confusing a bit. Which is good, and bad.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   13/15

 May I just start off by saying.. “hullabaloo”. Gosh, I haven’t heard that word in so long! But beside the point – I really enjoyed your grammatical style, the vocab words that actually fit better than typical ones, and your spelling was almost up to par! I say almost, because there are a few typos and words that can be changed in tenses. I’d have to go back and find them; they are so minute that it’s hard to pinpoint off the top of my head where they were.

Other than that, you did quite well in this area! I’m pleased!

The way you worded things, the phrases, the overall arrangement of your story.. so good!

And even though I know I’m praising, there are some tiny kinks in the story I think need fixed. Now, I know some people talk differently. I get it. And trust me, it fits the character I have in mind for the Romani, but some things just.. maybe could be revised a tiny bit.

Chap 04;

“What’s he for you?”
^ That can throw a person off because the tense of the sentence and the way it’s formed isn’t the best – it doesn’t get the point out.
“What’s he to you?” could be a better formed version.

“Why are you so such about this?”
^ Needs rephrased.
“Why are you so such she won’t have us all killed while keeping our eyes closed?”
^ Same. I think you meant to say ‘why are you so sure-‘

The main things is the tense and the typos throughout. Otherwise, you’re doing wonderful!

Characterization;   13/15

 I’m going to comment on the characters themselves because.. there are things to say! And go ahead and skip, if you want. Just some notes~

Tao, “you prideful brat”, as Kris said – he is a joy to follow in this. Him being the driver at the beginning was a bit of a shock to me. I mostly expected Kris or even Lay to be driving, but no, it was Tao. And it was Tao that hit someone. Nice going, Panda. After concluding what I’ve read about this guy, I actually like him quite a lot because he’s normal, but a brat, and he always gets a word in. But his character seems the most human-like and not too rounded.

Kris. So quiet in this. I like the fact how his image does match up to the persona his pictures usually portray. But instead of being the usual, blunt, overly scary man, he’s rather uqiet, reserved and doesn’t speak unless there is something to say.
And boy, when there is something to say, he speaks! He is unpredictable, outspoken, very lively when the time calls for it, but also level headed. In this, he seems younger than Tao, which is quite the opposite in real life, but this is the story, not that. Haha. I like it!

Kai and Sehun. These two are adorable to read about and are so funny. Kai is so childlike and Sehun is much more mature than I’ve read him to be (since my other friend’s fic), but my point is like I like how you have them two in this story. And how they grow, as well as the others. And how their pasts come out chaotically and unexpectedly, leaving you wondering so much about the two.
But let me take a moment to praise the fact Kai has such a weird trait as being obsessed with capes. Having someone so odd, and out there in a story is always something that makes me smile wide and want to hug the author. You always find sooo many characters blending together, sharing too many similar traits, and falling on the borderline of being a Mary Sue or Marty Stu that you can’t really like them, but you have to. I think Kai is in the top number of my favorites here. For that reason alone.

Chanyeol, do we see much of him through the first few chapters? I think so, but he’s like the background image; the scenery, you know? He makes remarks, yes. He comments, yes. But he’s like that dependant character who always has something good to say. And he isn’t overly goofy and falling all over the place or prancing after Baekyeol, which you’ll find in about 99.9% of EXO-based fanfictions.
Although, after things sort of start to take off, Chanyeol comes in a lot more and I’m glad because he’s a good character in this! He’s one of the balanced, good-guy types that is there for Jaelle and there for his friends.

Lay. Quiet, as a mouse, reserved, like Kris, but witty. I like him in this. He’s someone who seems like a total peacemaker and good with easing the atmosphere.
And then after the story he just.. wow.

Una. Goodness. I liked her in the beginning, only if it was for a bit. And the Romani. These people – let’s hsine light on them for a moment to allow myself to wonder all about them. From the name, and how you said they lived there from way back when, I almost expected them to be intimidating and ‘off with their heads’ type of people (and they were almost that way), but they were very welcoming and gentle. And the part with Chanyeol and his comment about eating a horse.. Romani, you are gullible.

Jaelle. She is the magically wonderful center star of this. And your description of her was very well written and I adored how you worded it, ‘black eyes that seemed to be two dying stars on the bottom of an abyss’. I know some think ‘oh wow. Someone trying too hard’ when authors try typing this way, but you know.. it fits!
And in this, she is intriguing at first with her fierce attitude towards them and Lay’s comments about her appearance. But I really did expect her to be that way. Just from how the story was going and how she seemed to me, I did expect her persona.

Now after me bragging so much on my favorite parts and snippets of the characters, I’d like to add that you need to make sure balance them all out. There are seven travelling together in this, halfway through at least, and they all have their chance to shine. But that doesn’t mean overdo it when their part comes, you know what I’m getting at?
Lay’s part came unexpectedly, and even though it made an impact, I see him as someone not just blurting it out, but talking it through. Even as the character portrayal you gave, Lay didn’t seem like the type to just be all ‘I’m --- and ----‘ and whatnot. You know? But that may be how he is.

The characters were good altogether. Me gusta. Keep them growing as people, keep their emotions and actions in check, and let them freak out every so often like they have been. Good character development right there. Haha.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

 They fit the story, highlighting the main point of the chapter. ^^

Flow;  7/10

 It went smoothly, not lagging anywhere and getting to the points. I liked the stories and ‘words of wisdom’ that Jaelle told. Those went well, as well. Haha.^^ So good job on the flow!

The only thing that got me.. was what I just praised though. My token of advice is for the flow of the stories within the story. The ones that Jaelle tells. Now, I had to force myself to read them because, honestly, at points I could care less for some of the dialogue and details put into them. Although I liked the overall main concept and points, I just.. wish they were a bit more-so.. interesting? I don’t know. I just felt like they needed to pull me, as the reader, in more and allow me to wonder and be excited!

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

 Writing style for you is just.. amazing! I always come across authors (on mainly livejournal) that I really adore the writing style, how they portray the story, the plot, how the characters feel and act, even at the darkest moments for them. By the first chapter, I knew I was hooked because wow. I like your style. And it may seem like I’m really boasting or being creepy, but I kid you not, I like your style.  The humor is what I praise most.

Extra & Notes; (+5)

 The only thing that got to me was the beginning. How it was pouring and here and there as they ventured through the woods and into the Romani camp, there was still hints of rain, correct? But everyone acted as if there was none? I’m just.. a bit confused at that. Relating to the story, I wouldn’t like being stuck in the rain, in a conversation, trying to explain myself. Maybe I missed where the rain ends or subsides, I’m just.. confused. Una even says the rain will stop. So are they under a tent and protected from the weather? Because fires can’t burn in rain. /shot
I missed something, didn’t I?

“Where to put that I’m so hungry that I could eat a horse,” Chanyeol ransacked the fire with a stick.
“Oh please, not a horse, young man,” a man approached him with a plate. “We need them!”
Can I just take a moment to praise your humor with this? Because I laughed out loud.

After all this being said and done, I added five points because of how much I have enjoyed this and the fact I am definteley subbing today! <3

Total Score; ♡

 92.5 – A+

>> Reviewer Note; ♡

Excellent score! I probably played favoritism with this because of the genre, the humor, the style of writing and whatnot, but I truly have enjoyed reading this and I wish you lots of love for it! Keep up the good work and thank you for requesting~
I'd also like to apologize if this review was a hell of a bad one. My mind has been all over the place and I don't even think I offered tips or things. So sorry 'bout that. ^^;