May 27, Friday, After School: MUSIC ROOM

You enter the music room with Jongwoon and take the same seats as last time. Henry arrives shortly after.

"Hey hyungs," he greets as he sits down beside you.

"Hi, Henry," Jongwoon waves.

"Hey, Henry," you smile.

"So are you guys ready for the placement auditions?" he asks excitedly.

"Yep! I'm a bit nervous but I'm looking forward to it," Jongwoon says.

I don't think I'll ever be ready for this... Dx

You bite your lip.

"You okay, hyung?" Henry asks.

"I think I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown," you say.

"You'll be fine," he smiles. "Stage fright is normal. But don't worry about Big Mama. She's the loveliest person ever and she won't make you feel bad unlike most other teachers."

You exhale slowly. "Thanks, Henry," you say. But I'm nervous for a reason even Big Mama wouldn't understand...

"Okay, kids, settle down!" Big Mama says as she takes the floor. There is a man with her. He doesn't look Korean. "This is Mr. Bashi," she says, introducing the man to her left. "I told you guys about him last week. He's from Japan and he's in charge of the musicians of this club."

"Konnichiwa," he bows. "I trust that you all came prepared for today's placement auditions."

"All the musicians will have their placement exams here," Big Mama announces. "All vocalists, please follow me."

You, Jongwoon and the other vocalists stand up and follow Big Mama out of the music room.

"Good luck!" Henry waves.

Big Mama leads you to what looks like a small recording studio complete with soundproof walls, controllers, and a microphone behind a glass divider.

I never knew we had this here. o_O I always thought this room was just the janitor's closet or something.

"We will be doing this one by one. The rest of you wait outside. You will be called when your turn is next."

"Yes, Big Mama," you all nod.

"First up, Lee Donggun." A tall skinny guy with glasses steps forward. "You first," Big Mama says. "The rest of you, out out out~"

You go with Jongwoon and the others to wait outside the recording studio. Jongwoon and the other guys practice their songs individually. You overhear a conversation by two of your clubmates. 

"I heard that Big Mama takes her best vocalist trainees out at night to sing with bands."

"No kidding? You mean, bands on the street?"

"Not just that. Legit bands too like the ones who play gigs at 12 Monkeys and Sagihoe."

"Holy $#*% I can't wait! I'd better do good in this placement audition."

"I also heard that she gives private lessons to other people for a high price."

"We're lucky that she's teaching us for free!"

"Yeah, that's true. I heard one of the guys from Shinhwa used to take lessons under her."

Why is this all just making me even more nervous??

After some time, Jongwoon is called. "Wish me luck," he says before going into the room.

When his turn ends, he calls you. "Haneul, you're up. I'm gonna go ahead to the dorms. See ya."

You take a deep breath.

Here goes nothing...

You enter the music room. Big Mama is seated on a high stool. "Hello, sweetheart," she smiles warmly. "Kim Haneul, right? You have a very pretty face."

Gulp.

"Come on, don't be nervous," she motions for you to stand on the X mark on the floor in front of her. "Do you have a minus one?"

You nod. 

"What song will you be singing?" she asks.

"Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder."

"Ooh~ I love that song," she says, writing something on her clipboard. "Let's hear it, dear."

You place the CD in the boombox and press play. You start to sing, keeping in mind to lower your voice. "Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wooonderfuuul..."

Halfway through the song, Big Mama's facial expression changes from warm to serious. "Stop."

You swallow the lump in your throat.

Oh no, has she found me out?

"That's enough," she says. "Haneul, can I talk to you after everyone is finished?"

"O-okay, ma'am..." you lower your head.

"Please call the next person. It's Song Daesung next. Thank you."

You step out feeling crushed.

I don't know if it's because she might have found out my secret or because my singing was so bad... Either way, I feel like dying. Dx

You are in a zombie-like trance as you call the next guy to audition. You sit down at the stairs and wait for time to fly by.

After several more minutes, Big Mama steps out of the room. As she approaches, you stand up.

"Everyone's done now, Haneul," she says. "Why don't you come with me back to the music room?"

You follow her to the empty music room. Everyone has finished their auditions and gone back to the dorms. Big Mama sits down at the piano and pats the empty space beside her. You sit down there. You can feel your heart beating loudly in your chest.

"Look, sweetheart," she starts. "I'm not sure why you're here, what you plan to, and all that jazz. But why are you trying to make your voice lower than it should be?"

"H-huh?" You hope that she really doesn't know you're a girl and she's going to discuss your horrible singing.

"You're not built to be a tenor nor a baritone. I know what you are, Ms. Kim Haneul," she says.

You open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. You can't think of anything to defend yourself. You're worried about what she'll do now that she knows you're a girl.

She reaches into her bag.

What is she getting? Is she gonna call the administration office? Dx

Oh no oh no please no

"What are you so flustered about?" she asks. "Here, this will help you calm your nerves."

She hands you a plate with some things on it.

O_O

*blink blink*

O_O

"What are these?" you ask.

"Mochi, of course!" she laughs. "Go ahead eat some. You need to relax."

Hee~ these are really cute~ :3

You take the panda mochi and nibble on it. It tastes as good as it looks.

"So, would it be okay if you told me your story?" she asks gently.

There's nothing else I can do to hide it so I might as well...

You explain to Big Mama about what happened with your grandpa and your family's situation.

"... and I didn't want you to find out the truth about me," you say. "So I tried to make my voice more like a boy's. I'm sorry."

"Hmm, I see," she nods. "I understand. I thought you were trying to mock the music club when you were singing earlier. Thank you for telling me this."

"Are you going to report me?" D:

"As a teacher, I should do that. But I'm also an understanding human being who has a soft spot for broken little girls, so I won't tell anyone on you." She winks.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, BIG MAMA~!!!" You give her a big hug.

"Aww, it's nothing, sweetheart," she squeezes you back. "But I do have a little request."

"Anything you say, ma'am," you chirp.

"I want you to re-audition but this time sing with your normal voice."

"Re-audition... you mean, right now?"

"That's why we are sitting at the piano, sweetie pie," she says. "What do you want to sing? I'll try accompanying you."

You think of a song that's popular enough that Big Mama knows how to play on the piano.

"Do you know the song 'Byul'?" you ask.

"Yes, which version do you want to sing? The shorter one or the longer one?" Big Mama replies.

"Umm, the shorter one." xD

"Favor," she says. "Think about the story you told me while singing this song and just let the emotions do the trick."

She starts to play the song on the piano and you sing along.

"The wind is shaking the windows, and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count.
The stars reassure my tired self,
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

Don’t be hurt too much... They hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get..."

... I probably won't be able to like ANYONE for that matter...

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

I miss you, haraboji... :( You'd always give me advice about things like this but now that you're gone, I...

My dream is coming. Though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding... It comes down to my shoulder
'Stop being so sad...' It holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug.

You start to tear up in the middle of the song.

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk

though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

You try to blink the tears away and sing your heart out.

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever.

Eventually, your tears start trickling down your cheeks.

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever..."

You continue to sob even as the song is over. Big Mama gives you the warmest hug you've ever had.

"It's okay, sweetie," she says, gently patting your back. "It's okay..."

You wipe the tears falling from your face. In between gasps, you manage to say, "I... *sniff sniff* hate cry-- *sob* ing..."

She chuckles. "A good cry is needed every now and then, little Haneul. I do it a lot too."

"*sniff* Really?" you say, trying to calm yourself down.

"Yes. It's not easy being fat in South Korea. Moreso, a SINGER who is fat. It's unthinkable with the standards today."

"But you've come so far even with that!"

"And so will you," she smiles as she takes your face in her hands and wipes your tears. "By singing this song, you've told me more than the story of your life. You told me the story of your soul. And it's just beautiful, dear. Simply beautiful."

"So... *sniff* Do I pass the auditions?" you ask.

She laughs out loud. "These auditions are just for me to know what level I train you on, honey. But you've got great potential. We just need to smoothen out the edges, and I'm sure there are big things out there waiting for you."

"But I can't... I study in an all-boys school so I'll have to live the rest of my life as a boy... Or at least live quietly without anyone finding out who I am."

"I believe that the universe conspires to bring you to where you want to be and where you are meant to be," she says. "You just need to trust yourself a little more until the pieces fall into place. Just keep making the right decisions." She winks.

You nod in agreement. "Thank you so much, Big Mama~ But how will I be able to train with the others if they shouldn't hear my real voice?"

"Hmm, that's a tough one. But I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. Don't worry. Just trust me, Kim Haneul."

"Trust me, Kim Haneul..." Stupid Flashlight guy still haunts me to this day...

"Run along now," she says. You get up from the piano bench. "You've got other things to take care of. Take care of yourself, dear, and be a good example to the boys."

"I will, Big Mama! Thank you again! And thank you for the mochi!!" you wave.

Dusk: NEAR THE DORMS

As you approach the dorm building, you see a silhouette sitting on the ledge of the rooftop. After squinting, you see that it is Donghae. You decide to go up and talk to him to settle matters once and for all.

Go to the roofdeck.