My inspitation...is draining ><

“I’m not depressed…”

“Yoon Ji ah you might have not notice this but not wanting to know if you’re carrying twins is already signs of depression. I want you to know that you are not the only one in this world who is like this. I have had patients similar to you, losing their baby the moment they were brought to this world, many being their first baby. When they got pregnant again, they were afraid, afraid that they were going to lose their baby again just like their first child. Although their case and yours is different in a sense where you didn’t want to know if you had twins again while they had rather normal pregnancy, going for scans regularly to see how their child is doing but when they are due, it almost turned fatal.”

“What happened?” Yoon Shik oppa asked.

“Even when they are in pain and the frequencies of their contractions are increasing, they refuse to let the baby come out. They were afraid that once the baby leaves the mom, the baby would die. But there was no way you could refrain the delivery no matter how much the mother suffers. A prolonged labour exposes both the mother and the baby at risk to several complications, including infections if the water break and birth doesn’t follow as the water act as a protective barrier. I want you to know that as compared to a single birth, twins or more, which we call multiple pregnancies is, in the first place, more prone to pregnancy-related complications such as low birth weight, which you have already experienced once. I don’t want to see that happen to you or you to experience it again my dear.”

“That dangerous?” I heard Jiyong oppa said while Jamie unnie gave him a nod.

“Jiyong-ssi I believe neither do you want anything to happen to Yoon Ji nor your child again. It’s not new news that depression is actually bad and harmful to the person who is suffering from it but very little knows how dangerous it is to both the mother and baby if the mother was to suffer from depression during delivery.”

“What should we do then?” Jiyong oppa asked but Jamie unnie turned and face me instead.

“I need you to open to the fact that you might be having twins. Remember the first time you were carrying Hoon and his hyung? Do you remember what the cause of you losing the other one is?” Jamie unnie said making me close my eyes. Although it has been two years but it was something that I still am not willing to face.

“She--” I suppose Yoon Shik oppa wanted to help me answer but was stopped by Jamie unnie.

“Yoon Shik let her answer. If she isn’t willing to face the reality, there is nothing we can do to help her to get out of this depression eh?” Jamie unnie said and just then I felt a huge hand wrapping mine. I do not need to open my eyes to know who those hands belong to.

“The reason why you lose him was because you were inexperience and you didn’t take care of yourself well isn’t it? Hmmmm?” She said, prompting me to reply, which I manage to give her a nod before she continues. “But right now aren’t you taking a good care of yourself? Every time you come by for your check-ups, it’s always good isn’t it? Besides don’t you have Jiyong by your side now?” Jamie unnie said and I felt Jiyong oppa giving me a tight squeeze as if to tell me that he was going to be there with me no matter what.

“I know it’s hard for you to let it go. I can’t give you the best advice for I do not experience this personally but I just want you to know that everyone is supporting you. You’ve already lost one you don’t want to lose anymore angels in you right?” Jamie unnie said as she caresses my big belly. “I know time is what you need right now so let’s take things one step at a time alright? And I believe that Jiyong’s presence would be of great help in helping you overcome everything. Jiyong-ssi what Yoon Ji needs right now is your care, love and support. Pregnancy is a tiring process so you would need a lot of patience, understanding and attentiveness. If you do good, not only would the babies grow up healthy, but at the same time it would strengthen your relationship with Yoon Ji.”

“I understand.” Jiyong oppa said making Jamie unnie nod.

“Alright I think it’s time your check up with omma~”

“Thank you for the advice Jamie.” Jiyong oppa said as we left her consultation room.

“That’s my job. Anyway here’s my name card. If there’s something that you would like to know or ask, feel free to contact me.”

“Sure.” Jiyong oppa said as he receives the name card and the both of them shared a handshake before we head downstairs.

“Yoon Ji-ssi Mrs Kim has been expecting you. This way please.” Nurse Lee said upon us reaching and lead us immediately to omma Kim’s consultation room.

“Yoon Shik aren’t you coming in?” Jiyong oppa asked making Yoon Shik oppa shake his head.

“It’s alright hyung you head in. After all I was accompanying her before because you weren’t by her. Now that you’re here you should fulfil your responsibility as a husband and father.”

“Thanks Shik”

“Oh yes hyung before you go in~” Yoon Shik oppa said as he fish out a packet of tissue from Hoon’s bag and handed it to Jiyong oppa. “Just in case. Believe me hyung you would need it~” Yoon Shik took Hoon’s hand, whom he was carrying, and made a fighting gesture at Jiyong oppa before he push Jiyong oppa to join me in the room.

“Hey sweetie you’re here~” omma Kim got up from her seat and welcome me in with a hug. “And you are?”

“I’m Kwon Ji Yong.” Jiyong oppa greeted omma Kim with his signature 90 degree bow.

“Well in fact I know who you are but your role today…you’re the guy who caused this?” omma Kim said as she rubs my belly.

“I…I guess so?” Jiyong oppa said shyly while rubbing his palm against his nape making omma Kim laughs.

“Yah you’re going to hurt our poor Yoon Ji’s heart if you put it that way! Be proud and confidently introduce yourself as her handsome husband. I finally see where Hoon got those genes from. Come on in and take a sit.” Omma Kim said. “Before we proceed with the ultrasound, Yoon Ji ah how have you been?”

“I’m doing fine as always~”

“Anything you would like to raise up to me?” omma Kim ask making me shake my head. “Alright Jiyong can you then help Yoon Ji get on the bed for the ultrasound?”

Once I’m settled on the bed, omma Kim help cover my bottom with a blanket before pulling my top up so that only my huge belly was exposed. As always, since if you recall that I’m against knowing whatever that is happening in my belly other than if the child is healthy or not, Kim omma would always turn the machine so that it would only be showing to her and that I wouldn’t be able to see anything. At the same time she had an earpiece that she connects to the ultrasound machine cause by listening to the baby/s heartbeat one can derive if it’s a solo or twin baby, which I’m not interested to find out as well. However omma couldn’t totally turn off the sound as she would need to hear if the baby has regular and healthy heartbeat or not so she’s instead using an earpiece

“It’s going to be cold. Bear with it.” Omma Kim announced before she rub lubricating jelly against my skin.

While omma was focusing on moving the probe around my tummy and at the screen for the image of what’s happening inside, I notice how Jiyong oppa looks really nervous and while giving me his support at the side, he was trying hard to peek at the image and deciphering it. When he notice that I was looking at him, he gave me a smile although I could see him rubbing his hands together trying to ease that nervousness and anticipation in seeing his very first ultrasound.

“Baby is healthy. Heart beat is loud and strong; I think it may be because baby knows that papa is here finally, it seems so excited. Baby is growing well and I’m foreseeing the healthiest baby ever to be born in the world!” omma Kim said making me laugh at how she always tries to give off positive vibes during the check-up.

“Omma~”  

“What?!! I’m speaking the truth!” omma Kim exclaimed making me smile and I notice how she turned her attention to Jiyong oppa who was at the side. “Hey son your kids are fine~ Aren’t you happy to hear that?” and it was then did I notice how Jiyong oppa seems to have something in mind.

“O-oh yeah I’m fine~” He said giving us a smile.

“I guess the truth hasn’t sunk in although you can see how big she is now right? You know what every father to be or even second time third time fathers tell me the first time they see their babies on the ultrasound?” omma Kim asked.

“Thank you?” Jiyong oppa tried his luck but his answer earned laughter from omma. 

“Why thank me when you guys are the reason why babies exist?” Omma said making Jiyong oppa nod softly in agreement. “They say this to me “I can’t believe this. Is that really my baby?” before they put on their best smiles and just stare at the screen. Don’t worry I’ve recorded them for record purpose. If you’re really interested and if Yoon Ji trust that you will not tell her anything in regards to the baby, stay back and we can go over it.” Omma Kim said as she wipes those jelly off my belly.

“Aniyo Mrs Kim it’s alright. I’ll watch it with Yoon Ji when she’s ready. I believe we should share the joy together.” Jiyong oppa said giving me a smile as he help me get up from the bed.

“I respect your decision then. Oh and call me omma or mama Kim like they do. Since you’re the husband of our daughter Yoon Ji you naturally become my son too.”

“Neh omma Kim.”

“As always I’m going to say take good care of your body, have regular meals and if you are experiencing anything unusual like cramps to even bad appetite just give me a call or drop by anytime alright? Keep yourself active, move around and keep a positive mind set. During pregnancy, what you do, feel and even see affects your child in a way or another, which is why people tend to keep pictures of cute babies in their room. People believe that by looking at those photos it would influence your own baby in the process of growing and they would come out really cute too. Although there isn’t any scientific reasoning behind it but it’s somehow true.”

“Really?” Jiyong oppa said and he was looking at me as if saying with his eyes that as soon as we leave the hospital.

“And when you’re angst most of the time during pregnancy, they would grow up to be kids with bad temper.” Omma Kim chuckled before she held onto my hand. “Lessen those worries in your head, stay positive and not only would it benefit your baby but it also helps you feel better alright? Jiyong ah can I entrust Yoon Ji to you?” 

“Count on me omma Kim!”

“If there’s nothing else you guys can go back and rest. But before that do stop by the reception to arrange for another check up with me alright Yoon Ji?”

“Neh omma~ We’ll be leaving now.” I said as we share a hug before Jiyong oppa lead me out of the room.