“Let me go…Let me go…oppa no…oppa please no…please…let me go…” Her mumbles woke me up as I sat up from the bed, opening my eyes to see sweat forming on her forehead while she was throwing her face from left to right. Her hands were beside both of her head as if she was pinned down by an invisible force.

“Baby? Baby wake up~ it’s just a nightmare. You’ve got to wake up.” I urge her but I’m not sure if it was because of my voice she was shaking even more, tears were now falling and her struggling actions got worst. On top of that Hoon was already woken up by her and was already crying. I was at the point where I didn’t know who to calm down first.

“LET ME GO!!!” She shouted as she sat up really quickly.

Afraid she was going to do something foolish, my arms held her shoulders and I tried to shake her awake, worried that even if she moves she was still in her dreams. However when she immediately jerk away from my hold and retreated backwards, curling into a ball.  How long has this been going on? The last time at Gwangju…even if we were sleeping in the same room and on the same bed, for that one week there wasn’t a time she had such a nightmare.

 “What happen?” Yoon Shik barged into the bedroom and tried to register everything that was happening in the room and that was when his eyes met his shivering sister beside me on the bed. “Hyung did you do something to her?” He asked as he went to the side of his sister but was pushed away.

“Shik you know I wouldn’t do that. She had a nightmare. Can you calm Hoon down first? If you don’t trust me you can leave the door unlocked.” I said, assuring him that it wasn’t me and I would do something about this since it was something I caused. When he saw my sincerity, he left the room with Hoon but didn’t lock the door behind him just in case I change.

“Baby~ it’s just a nightmare. Don’t be scared.” I said as I wrap my arms around her shaking body and as expected she was trying to break free from my hold. “Baby it’s just me…” Wait precisely it’s because of you did she become like that Kwon Ji Yong! “I’m not going to do anything to you again. Baby please you have to wake up and calm down.” I said but it was no use.

“Let me go…let me go…” She kept chanting like a mantra and her cries don’t show signs of stopping.

“Alright I’ll let you go~ I’ll let you go.” I said and despite me really not wanting to do so, I had to. I carefully made my way out to the room to see that Yoon Shik was battling it out with Hoon who was shaking in fear too.

“Hyung~” Yoon Shik said as he ran towards me and peek into the room to see that his sister was still in a terrible mess.

“Why didn’t you tell me she was like that? We could have done something about that.” I said, trying not to sound annoyed. Well I wasn’t annoyed at Yoon Shik for he did nothing wrong but I was angry at myself that not only did my actions hurt her but still haunts her even after such a long time.

“It has been long since she have been having nightmares about that night. Ever since she lost one of the kids, it was most of the time regarding miscarriage and babies dying. The last time when we were back at Gwangju, she didn’t have any nightmares too isn’t it?” He asked.

“She has to see the doctor. I’ll do whatever I can. For now I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be with her nor would it be good if we leave her alone inside. I’ll handle Hoon.” I said making him nod as he hands Hoon over to me while he got inside the room and handle his sister.

I could still hear her scream a little when Yoon Shik got in to comfort her and when she realize it was only Yoon Shik she immediately hug him tight around his throat while the latter tried his best to calm her down and stop her from crying too much. As for me, maybe it was because Hoon recognize me as his appa and it soon later he wasn’t crying anymore. With a little fooling around and tickling, he was back to his cheerful side and was laughing so I decided to take a seat on the couch.

“Hoon ah is omma always like that?” I asked and as if understanding what I was saying, he gave me a few nods. “Do you get scared when omma is like that?” I asked making him nod and following that I saw his expression fell, as if he was worried about him mom. “I’m sorry this is all because of appa. Can Hoon promise appa something? Be a strong boy and protect mommy if I’m not there for her?” I said making him look at me confused. “Just be brave alright? Omma sometimes might have a hard time. Even if you are scared because of omma’s scream, I want Hoon to be brave and not cry so that omma don’t have to worry about you when she isn’t feeling well. Is that alright Hoon?” I asked and although he look at me a few more seconds not knowing what to do, he still nodded.

“Ommmmaaaaa”

“Good boy. Omma loves you so much, and so do appa.” I said as I push his head to rest against my chest and sang him a soft lullaby to put him to sleep.

Since the house was rather quiet in addition to it being midnight, I could clearly hear how Yoon Ji’s cries slowly turn down into sobs and soon it was quiet. Apart from that Yoon Shik was heard comforting Yoon Ji like how he would be there for her and would never let such things happen again. Luckily Yoon Shik is here to calm her down and it took him less than 5 minutes to comfort her. If it was just me alone with Yoon Ji and Hoon I would be so lost as to who to look after first but then again, wasn’t Yoon Shik the only one there when such things happen in the past back in Hawaii?

“Hyung~” Yoon Shik call out to me softly as he took a look into the room once again to make sure that Yoon Ji is alright before he close the door behind him and took a seat beside me.

“How’s Yoon Ji?” I asked immediately.

“She’s sleeping now. She has been crying so much and all that struggling tires her out. Is Hoon alright?” He asked looking at the young one sleeping comfortably against my stomach.

“He’s a good boy. Yoon Ji scares him a little but he promises me that he would be brave in the future.” I said as I caress his cheeks softly.

“Hyung I’m sorry if I’ve doubt you earlier--”

“If I were you I would have beat the out of myself already.” I chuckled.

“Hyung Yoon Ji doesn’t like Hoon to hear those words.”

“My bad.” I said sticking my tongue out and that cause Yoon Shik to laugh too. “Does this happen a lot?” I asked and receive a nod.

“There were many times when she wake up tearing and sweating. She would be mumbling for someone to let go and even screaming like today. That was the starting days when I was with her sharing the hotel room in Hawaii. When we started staying at AJ’s house and were in separate rooms, I didn’t really notice anymore although sometimes I do wake up to hear sobbing. Maybe it was because as time goes by she knows she is safe in Hawaii and also the few sessions that she has gone through with AJ’s psychiatrist sister, she wasn’t screaming but those dreams still haunt her. It got worst again when she lost Hoon’s other half and it leads to serious post natal depression but it was all about the babies. Maybe out of 5 dreams she had one would be the incident.”

“She saw a psychiatrist and the dreams still comes to her?”

“Psychiatrist aren’t God hyung. They can assist her to trust love again or even help with her fears about but that doesn’t mean those dreams would go away. Besides a psychiatrist can only assist to a certain extend for most importantly, the patients have to work hard on their part as well.”

“I know. I’ve been seeing a doctor personally so I know how much one have to put or else all those sessions would be futile.”

“She’s doing a good job. If not it wouldn’t be easy for you hyung to be so close to her honestly. Maybe the incident just scars her too much.”

“If it haunts me as well, I can’t help but to imagine how much more it must be for her.”

“Hyung you mean…”

“Just like her, I had dreams of me her as well. Seeing her beg for me to stop, cry because I cause her physical hurt and emotional hurt, how she shake in pain when I whipped her and how much fear in her eyes when she sees me, it keeps coming into my head as well and just like Yoon Ji, I have had sessions but it still comes to me from time to time.”

“Did you tell your doctor about this as well?” He asked making me nod.

“There’s limited things he could do. Like you say they aren’t God. If only brainwashing machines really do exist, even if they could only be used once, I would rather Yoon Ji get the incident out of her head. I really hate to see her suffer even if I was the one who caused it.” I ended with a sigh.

“You’re really willing to let her forget everything even if you suffer?”

“I’m the one who cause her hurt first so I don’t deserve to forget everything and let her suffer. Besides if I would be able to see her happy again without the incident in her head, that’s all I could wish for. It has been something I have been telling God ever since I see her suffer because of me the next day I left her after that incident.”

“Hyung I would really love to have Yoon Ji hear all this. Although you can’t prove anything to us right now but at least I know you’re sincere. I can feel it with my heart that you are.”

“When did you become so mushy?”

“Hyung~”

“Ahrasso thanks for your support. I guess that even God can’t help Yoon Ji forget the incident, at least the best that I could do is to make her happy. Not forgetting this boy over here.”  I said as I stoke his limited hair.

“I’ll hold it to your words hyung.” He said making me flash him a smile.

“It’s late. Go to sleep now.”

“Neh hyung you rest early too~” He said before bowing to me lightly and return to his room. 

When it was time, I carefully got Hoon up so rest on my shoulders before getting into the room. Although it was dark since the lights was not on and the curtains were drawn, the limited moonlight that manage to shine through the curtains and shine upon her face. I place Hoon softly in his crib and because of this actions it cause him to stir so in order to ensure that he is really asleep, I pat him lightly against his stomach and when I think it’s time to leave him alone did I then make my way to Yoon Ji as I set on the floor by the bed to take a good look at her.

I noticed how red the areas around her eyes were because of all that crying. Although she wasn’t tearing anymore, her face was still moist with the tears that was roughly smeared away from her face either personally or by Yoon Shik. Compared to her expression earlier, it was more relaxed but still it was obvious that the dream was still lingering around her mind cause from time to time I can see her brow twitch as if she wanted to frown. Gently I got those hairs that were sticking against her skin away so that I can see her face clearly. Usually when I did that to her when she is sleeping, a lip cracking smile would always creep against my face but this time, all I felt was pain to see her suffer.