“Baby are you alright?” Jiyong oppa asked.

Our first day in Seoul passed by really quickly and soon it was night time. Jiyong oppa accompanied me back to the dorm to help Yoon Shik oppa and I settle down. He prepared dinner for us while we unpack our luggage and I must say his skills have improved tremendously although he has been a very good cook ever since the beginning. After dinner, he even offered to clean up so that we could wash ourselves as well as Hoon to get ready for the night.

The wardrobe that used to be filled with my clothes that I sent it back to Gwangju two years ago before I left everything behind was  now turned into a simple bedroom for Yoon Shik oppa to stay in during our time here in Seoul. Apart from that there is even a cot that was rather pricey prepared by Jiyong oppa. His excuse for spending that large amount of money for just a crib? He wants the best for his son. Other than that it seems like everything is kept almost the same as how I left it and it was obvious that Jiyong oppa have been preparing the dorm and stayed here for a few days prior to my visit.

“Hmmm?” I asked as he rubs my temples in circles.

“Are you feeling unwell? Is it because of the winds earlier?” He asked worriedly.

“Oppa I’m fine.” I said giving him a faint smile before pulling his hands down from my head but the persistent him insist of at least having his palm against my cheeks.

“Is there something that you would like to share?” He asked as carries me up and place me softly on my side of the bed with my back against the headboard, join me on the side before he pulls the blanket up to cover our legs. His arms then wraps around my shoulders, making me cuddle against his embrace.  

“Where’s Hoon?” I asked.

”He’s in his crib. See?” He said pointing to the crib and I nod when I see the sleeping angel resting.

“He must have been jetlagged.”

“What about you?”

“Neh?”

“Babe is something wrong?” He asked when he kind of notice that I wasn’t paying close attention to what he was saying.

“Nothing is wrong oppa. You’re just paranoid.” I said giving him a smile.

“I noticed you’ve been rather quiet after what Bommie noona said earlier on.”

“Bommie noona?”

“You know…about Dae being a monster and him trying to…”

“ Minzy?” I asked making him nod as he kisses me on the forehead.

“Is it still haunting you? Honestly?” He asked me.

“It doesn’t go away no matter how hard I try.” I said as I look down at my hands that were intertwined with one another and soon he had his hands on mine.

“It’s my fault.” He said softly.

“Oppa I--”

“Do you want to stay with the girls over this period? There’s way too much things in here that you shouldn’t be remembering. I’ll inform the girls and help you pack…” He said making me stop him.

“Oppa I’m fine here.”

“You sure?” He said as he my hair while I just give him a smile and nod.

“I’m just a little tired.”

“You’re jetlagged. A little sleep would do the trick. Come on.” He said as he pulls the duvet up for me to slide down and rest my head on the pillow before he tucked me in.

“Aren’t you going to rest for the night too?” I asked making him shake his head.

“I’ll go back when you’re asleep.” He said as he pats my stomach lightly as if I was Hoon.

“Back? Back where?” I asked, my hand grabbing his wrist.

“Back to the dorm with the boys. Is there a problem?” He asked making me shake my head. “Alright go to sleep now alright? It’s going to be a long day for you tomorrow.” I nodded before I was asked to close my eyes.

As promised, Jiyong oppa went back to his own dorm after I feel asleep because when Hoon was crying at night and I was up to take care of him, Jiyong oppa has already left. Or at least that I what I think cause when I left the room just wanting to move around and calm Hoon down, I saw Jiyong oppa rolling off the couch and was about to enter the room until he saw us coming out. Immediately he came to my side and pat Hoon lightly on his head, whispering to the young one that it was just a nightmare and not to worry since his appa would be there to protect him.

The both of us then decide to take a sit on the sofa where Jiyong oppa was previously sleeping on as Hoon was now in his arms, all calmed down and soon falling asleep. Whenever he turn his face away from Hoon to look at me, he would always give me his gummy smile although it’s obvious that he is forcing his eyelids to open up. In return I too gave him a smile before I rest my head against his shoulders.

“What were you doing here? Weren’t you going back to the boys?” I asked softly, staring to the front as if there was something interesting instead of his face.

“I forgot you might need my help.” He said as the both of us look down at the baby boy that was sleeping peacefully.

“Then why didn’t you come in?”

“I might scare you if you find me sleeping beside you. I promise Hoon that I would protect him and I was keeping guard of the door…”

“And fell asleep?” I said making him nod and the both of us ended up giggling. “You’re weird oppa~”

“Wae?” He asked and now we were looking at one another in the eye.

“Do you think monsters in baby world go through the front door just to give kids nightmares? Even if it’s Monster Inc they come through wardrobe or room doors and not the main door.” I said making him pinch my nose.

“Tease me for all you want~” Jiyong oppa said making me stick my tongue out at him.

“Come on we should return Hoon to the crib.” I said making him nod as we got up and head into the room.

“Sweet dreams my boy. Appa would be here to protect you and I assure you no monsters would harm my baby boy~” Jiyong oppa whispered softly before giving Hoon a kiss on his forehead. “If you need me I’ll be outside--” Jiyong oppa said and before he could finish I pulled him towards the bed.

“Oppa you’re not a guarding dog. Besides every dog has their own bed too instead of the sofa right? You’re tired too.” I said and before I could tuck him in, I was pulled down to the bed to rest my head against his stretched out arm and with a smile I snuggle closer to him so that my cheeks was against his chest. “You’ve been working out haven’t you?” I asked looking up to see him smiling proudly.

“I have to be stronger in order to protect Hoon don’t I?” He said making me nod slightly. “We’re going to make our comeback soon after the girls.”

“I’ve heard oppa.”

“Have you heard the song that I’ve send to you before you left?”

“That demo?”

“The song is called “Bad Boy” and it’s going to be in the coming album.”

“Really? That’s good cause it’s a really nice song oppa.”

“The other members love it too. And for once all of us seem to like a particular song in the album.”

“You all are done recording?” I asked making him shake his head.

“Songs are finalized but we’ve yet record much. Besides you know how YG hyung works. We’ll never be coming back on the same date so we still have a bit more time. Title songs are done recording and we still have a few more songs to go before we’re done. And it seems like hyung would be flying us to New York.”

“Really? For the music video?” I asked making him nod. “New York’s really beautiful.”

“What about you? You’re not staying this time round right?”

“I know I said I would try but working with Rihanna isn’t as simple as it seems. She’s practically trying to involve me in everything she is doing now even to working out outfits with Jeremy oppa for her tour. I don’t know how producing one song would lead to being one of her fashion consultant but things happen.”

“That’s good isn’t it? Bom noona is right. You’ve gotten so many opportunities ever since you left Korea.”

“Of course it’s nice. But I just can’t help but to feel like something is missing.”

“Me?” Jiyong oppa asked making me look up at him before giving him a smack against is chest. Aigoo this narcissist oppa! “Alright alright let’s go to sleep huh? You barely slept for an hour before Hoon start crying. Let’s try to sleep more now before he wakes up again.” Jiyong oppa said and getting his arm back to the side, afraid that it would cause him temporary numbness if I continue sleeping on his arm and not let the blood flow, I rest my head on the pillow.

“You don’t love me anymore?”

“Oppa no…”

“You don’t love me?”

“I love you but…”

 “How did you get this? I said how did you get this?!! Did Youngbae give this to you?!! You met him earlier on?!!”

“Where were you when I needed you?”

“So when I can’t be there for you, you look for Youngbae?!!”

“If you were there for me would I have to look for him?!!”

“How dare you talk back?!!”

“At least Youngbae oppa would never do that to me!!!”

“Looks like this time I have to marked you mine so that Youngbae doesn’t do anything stupid!”

“Let me go!”

“Baby? Baby!”

“Let me go!!!” I shouted before I open my eyes to see Jiyong oppa in front of me.

Subconsciously I curled my body and inched backwards until my back hits the headboard, my knees against my chest as I buried my face in it. I was shaking really hard and tears just continue flowing down my face. Hoon was crying as well, most probably because of me shouting but I didn’t want to move. Even if he was crying, I didn’t want to comfort him because I was afraid if I move something would happen to me. The bedroom door flung open so hard that it hit the walls, causing me to flinch.

“What happen?” I heard and immediately I recognize it to be Yoon Shik oppa’s voice. “Hyung did you do something to her?” He asked and before I knew it I felt someone holding him, most probably Yoon Shik oppa but that cause me to jerk away as well.

“Shik you know I wouldn’t do that. She had a nightmare. Can you calm Hoon down first? If you don’t trust me you can leave the door unlocked.” Jiyong oppa said and soon Hoon was crying even louder, something that he would always do when he is being lifted from the crib when he is crying and soon the cries got softer and I knew I was now alone in the room with Jiyong oppa, while Yoon Shik oppa left the door closed but not locked.

That dream…it was clearly a dream but it felt so real. Over the two years since I’ve left, there were many times when I had such nightmares but never did they felt so real. Was it because I was in the room where everything happened? And in addition to that Jiyong oppa was with me in the room? It’s normal for me to wake up shaking and having tears roll down my cheeks when I had such nightmares. Yoon Shik oppa was aware too but ever since the time when I lost Hoon’s brother, I had nightmares of miscarriage and seeing the baby die in front of me more than this scene so why is it back now?

“Baby?”