hehehehehehe :D

I'm in a super super good mood today!!!

I WILL BE GOING FOR BOTH SHOWS OF BIGBANG ALIVE TOUR IN SINGAPORE!!!

on the 28th I'll be at Standing pit while 29th I would be at the seats facing the stage!!!

how awesome is that?!!

hehehe all thanks to my brother!!!

I think I mention his brithday is actually 29th itself right? kekeke :D

And mine is 30th so it's definitely going to be a blast!!!

who's going for the concert too?!!

“The reports are in and from what we have…” Doctor Ho said as he stop at the very point that causes us to hold our breath.

“What is it Doctor Ho? Is there really something wrong?” Jiyong oppa asked.

“Well there is something going on definitely…just that we can’t figure out why.”

“Neh?” I asked, looking at the doctors, then to Jiyong oppa and back to the doctors, hoping that they could further elaborate on what they were talking about.

“Well because your reports tell us that you are perfectly fine, we’re really confused now.”  Doctor Ho said.

“It isn’t the nerves, it isn’t anything bad, simply nothing that could trigger your legs to give way.” Doctor Im said as they made sure that they have told us what was needed to be told.

“Yeah you’re good!!!” Jiyong oppa said as he hugs me tight.

“I told you I would be fine oppa!” I said while he smiles at me as if he was a toddler who was given a new toy.

“It would be really good if everything would be fine. After all this report is rushed out within hours and I’m afraid that they would miss something out. Only when the final and detailed report is out would we then feel safe.” Doctor Im said.

“I agree with Im. After all I would definitely want you to be healthy as well and your report tells us you currently are. How long are you going to be here in Korea Yoon Ji ah?” Doctor Ho asked.

“Close to two weeks.”

“The detailed report should be out by then. If not we’ll mail it to you. We can safely say you are 99% healthy but we just want to do another deeper analysis just in case we miss something. In the mean time if you face something like that again you better inform us alright?” Doctor Ho said making me nod.

“Don’t worry Doctor Ho, Doctor Im, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Jiyong oppa said as he pat my head.

With that, the two of us were free to go but along with the plan that Jiyong oppa has drafted, saying that if there isn’t anything wrong with the report, we should go talk to Doctor Kang incase this is something related to the mental. Even Doctor Ho and Doctor Im agree as they too didn’t see that there wasn’t a possibility that my mental could be the one that is playing a trick on me. Therefore as soon as we head out of the hospital we head for the café for the second time in two days to find that Doctor Kang was already waiting for us to arrive.

“Hey guys what’s up?” Doctor Kang asked as we all took a seat.

“Well you see, Yoon Ji have been losing strength at her legs and we’ve been to see Doctor Ho but her reports seems fine.” Jiyong oppa briefly explains.

“Yoon Ji ah I want you to tell me what happen before and during the time when your legs lose strength.” Doctor Kang said making me nod.

“The first time I experienced this was last night when I was at the wardrobe getting my nightwear. Jiyong oppa came from behind me, hugging and whispered some words into my ears and as soon as he left, my legs just gave way. I tried to stand up after that but it was of no use. My hands were shaking as well but I wasn’t feeling anything special during that time like fear or anything, just caught off guard by his actions.”

“Okay and then?”

“The second time happened this morning when I was holding onto my son. We were going to wake Jiyong oppa up for breakfast and my legs just give way as well, at the very same place I experience this the day before.” I said.

“And what was Jiyong doing at that time?” He asked.

“I was sleeping at that time.” Jiyong oppa replied.

“Yoon Ji was Jiyong lying rather suggestively?” Doctor Ho asked making me shake my head quickly to disapprove.

“Aniyo~ Just his normal position.” I said as I felt my face blush red.

“Jiyong did you put on any shirt?” Doctor Kang suddenly asked.

“How did you know I didn’t?” He asked in shocked.

“And do you wear it previously? You know like when you were with Yoon Ji during this period of time when she came back? Or are you someone who don’t have a habit of wearing a top?” Doctor Kang questioned.

“I do have a habit of wearing clothes to sleep. Just that…I don’t know why but I didn’t have it on last night.” Jiyong oppa said.

“I guess I’ve solved the ultimate puzzle.” He declares happily.

“Neh?” Jiyong oppa and I asked.

“There are many reasons as to why one legs feel like jelly, especially after extreme physical activities but in the case where your leg muscles feel weak without any apparent reason like what you mentioning that your body checkup is fine, that could only be one thing. Anxiety disorder.”

“Anxiety disorder?” I asked making him nod.

“When you get anxiety attacks, adrenaline is pumped into the body. This adrenaline rush makes the muscles weak, including the leg muscles. Because they support the body, every time they become weak, it would feel like we’re ready to fall down. This feeling can be associated to a very common response during an anxiety attack, the ‘fight or flight’ response. This is a biological mechanism for the survival of species. When species are threatened, the mind and body react by either confronting the fear or running away from it. The same thing happens in an event of a panic attack. The blood rushes to your muscles and organs in preparation for a confrontation of any kind. In some cases, the increased rush of blood makes you feel that your legs are suddenly sore; however, your leg muscles are merely reacting to your feelings. Your legs are just getting ready whether you’re going to run away or just topple down.”

“But I wasn’t feeling any fear like I mentioned earlier.” I said, not planning to reveal that I actually felt instead of anxiety.

“You just didn’t know that my girl. Maybe at that time you were thinking of something strong that could hide your anxiety away from your mind. I’m sorry if my assumptions are going to be offensive but were you reacting in some way when Jiyong said things to you or when you see him half on bed? You know like ually?” He asked and immediately I let my head fall to hide my blushing face.

“At first she thought that she was the first night because of my words which is why her legs gave way but we didn’t though so when she mentioned that she didn’t felt anything special in the morning seeing me on bed.” Jiyong oppa answered on my behalf.

“Well the fact that you felt turn on was the reason as to why you didn’t feel any anxiety. I believe even in the morning you said you had no feelings, your body or somewhere deep inside you were affected by Jiyong without his clothes on. Because you thought you were , you didn’t realize you were feeling anxiety as I believe your ual feelings are a lot stronger.”

“But what would have triggered her anxiety attack in the first place?” Jiyong oppa asked.

“The incident. Remember how you guys are now staying at the exact room where everything happened? And according to what Yoon Ji said regarding her attacks majorly happening near the wardrobe, I’m thinking that something happened at that spot.” He said and at the same time the two man turn to look at me, who after thinking hard gave a nod.

I remembered how I stood by the built in wardrobe and overlook the bed from the exact place that I was standing earlier in the morning that day after the incident while fresh memories of the incident flashed in front of my eyes like a movie. The way he handled me like I was worth nothing, the way he inflicted pain in me, the way he treated me like he has hated me for years, it definitely was a traumatizing moment for me. I didn’t notice that I was so deep in my thoughts that I slightly jump when Jiyong oppa place his hands on my shoulders.

“Did you remember something you shouldn’t be remembering?” He asked as he caress my cheeks and it was only then did I notice that I was already tearing.

“Yoon Ji that’s all in the past. Don’t think about that anymore huh? Just close your eyes and take in deep breathes. It would make you feel better.” Doctor Kang said as he placed his palm on my head while Jiyong oppa held both of my hands in one of his while his other was wiping those falling tears. “Jiyong I guess your actions kind of remind her regarding that night even though it was overcome with her love for you, which is why she didn’t feel any fear or anxiety. Behave on your part and don’t hurt her anymore. You have to show her that you’ll not be using that method to hurt her anymore you get that?”

“I understand.” Jiyong oppa said as he pushes my head towards his chest, still holding both of my hands as he locks me in his embrace, hoping that this would help calm me down.

“Yoon Ji ah the fact that you didn’t know you had an attack because your feelings for Jiyong right now proves that you are in love with him and also you trust him. However these attacks just happen cause it’s within you. When you start to feel that your legs are like jelly, your typical reaction would be to give in to the feeling, sit down and wait until it doesn’t feel like it anymore. Do not do this. This is the worst thing you can do. Do not give in to your anxiety. You’re making it stronger by feeding its symptoms. Do not obsess on the thought that you’re about to fall down at any moment. You won’t. If you’re worried you might even faint. You won’t. You’re just carried away by the moment. You need to confront your anxiousness. Do not indulge it. Challenge the sensation. Focus. Concentrate. Fill your mind and body with positive thoughts. Stand up. Take solid steps. Run. By doing so, you’ll realize that your legs aren’t really weak. Your anxiety is just making you feel that they are. You’re bigger than any anxiety. Do not let it control you. You can get rid of it as long as you’re committed. Besides you have Jiyong there with you. But if you find that everything isn’t working and you’re still giving in to them, consult me immediately or any psychiatrist who can assist you alright?” He asked making me give him weak nods.

“Thank you Doctor Kang. If not for you we wouldn’t have known what happen.” Jiyong oppa thank.

“Jiyong you think the both of us can have a talk?” He asked Jiyong oppa and after ensuring I was going to be alright alone for a moment, he let me rest against the sofa, got his jacket off and covers me with it before they both exit from the back door.

-Jiyong’s POV-

“Doctor Kang is there something you missed out?” I asked but all he did was gave me a pat on the shoulders.

“You’re lucky to have someone who loves you so much, even when you are the one that hurt her the most. Promise me you wouldn’t hurt her again.”

“I wouldn’t. I can’t bear to do so either.”

“I know. From the way you were so anxious of her, I can tell. You guys already have a son and love between one another isn’t any problem basically. However your only obstacle and the most difficult to get rid of is her memories of that night. You guys can be kissing or even making out, but that doesn’t mean she would be fine with . If you want to engage any events with her, take your time and most importantly be patient. The more you force on her, the more she would get afraid neh? But at the same time, if you could get her to engage any ual activities with you and you let her feel good, feel cherished, feel like she’s the only one and that you would never bring her harm, that is also the only way you can get rid of those bad memories and eventually the obstacle between you two. Don’t give up and be patient because if things turns out right, you two are the one who would be benefitting eh?”

“Nah I would remember that Doctor Kang.”

“I guess Ho doesn’t have to worry so much about Yoon Ji anymore since it’s a mental challenge. I’ll ring him up and follow him regarding this. As for you, take good care of her and like I keep repeating, be patient and show her your love.”

“I will. Thank you so much for your help.”

“You don’t have to send me off anymore. Go in and stay with her. She needs you now.” Doctor Kang said before he left to his car.