“Are we waiting for someone oppa?” I asked.

Jiyong oppa brought me to the café where Junho oppa was working at and right now we were in one of the private rooms, with me and him sitting on the same couch. The both of us were quiet so I thought that maybe Jiyong oppa was expecting someone to come since he kept staring at his phone, then to his limited edition Takashi Murakami x Casio G-Shock Frogman watch before looking back at his phone.

“Yeah kind of.”

“Who?” I asked as he puts his cup down on the saucer before turning to me and held both of my hands.

“Babe I hope you wouldn’t be angry at me if I were to say that I’m waiting for Doctor Kang to come.”

“Doctor Kang?”

“Remember Doctor Kang? The one in charge of my temper?”

“The psychiatrist?”

“Uh~”

“Why are we meeting him? Is something wrong?”

“Don’t take it as a session with him alright? He’s…he’s my friend yeah friend so we’re just going to catch up with a friend of mine who happens to be a doctor and a psychiatrist and--”

“Is…is it because of last night?” I asked and I heard him sigh.

“Babe I know you’ve seen AJ’s sister about this and the things between us, it’s something that we shouldn’t tell everyone although Doctor Kang already knew but just know that I’m worried ok? However I’m not going to force you into doing this if you don’t want to. I have to talk to Doctor Kang as well so just consider you sitting in alright?” He asked making me nod.

“Hyung he’s here.” Junho oppa said through the intercom that was built in the room for ultimate privacy when in the case where we need more drinks but don’t want people outside to know who is in the room with who, orders can be given through the intercom and for now also for Junho to inform the people inside if they are expecting guest that would be coming in from the front door.

“Get his order and invite him in.” Jiyong oppa said before letting go of the intercom and soon there was a knock on the door.

“Hey Ji~” Doctor Kang came in and gave Jiyong oppa a handshake.

“Doctor Kang, Yoon Ji. Yoon Ji, Doctor Kang.” He introduced and I shook his hand as well.

“Nice to meet you~”

“Me too. Let’s take a sit shall we?” He asked making us nod as we settled down on the couch.

“So…” Jiyong oppa trailed off making Doctor Kang smile.

“Why are you guys so stiff? Relax neh? I feel like I’m a school principle talking to the student and his mom.”

“See I told you you were mummy~” Jiyong oppa said making me blush.

“Yoon Ji-ssi do you mind if I just call you by your name?”

“Please do~” I said politely.

“You too. Just call me Im like how this young man is doing.”

“Neh~”

“How are you Ji? Still having those nightmares?” Doctor Kang asked as he took a sip at his coffee cup as soon as Junho oppa left the room after serving it.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to attack me straight? Where did the you-tell-me-everything-when-the-time-is-right doctor went?” Jiyong oppa asked.

“Aren’t you bored doing that all the time? Besides what if you have no plans to say and I need to know so that I know if the sessions are of any use or if I have to change another method?” Doctor Kang reasoned. Speaking of which, Jiyong oppa had nightmares serious enough for him to want and talk to Doctor Kang about it? Has it be haunting him like how mine did?

“Well the frequency has dropped but it’s still here.”

“Uh-huh. Well all I can say is it would get better to the point where you would have it once a year or maybe half a year. I’ve told you before right? That it is unlikely to go away cause you’re guilty and all?”

“Well I brought that to myself. Who can I blame but me?”

“Just don’t take things so hard. Besides, seeing that Yoon Ji is here with you, I think everything is going to speed up.”

“Me?” I asked making Doctor Kang nod with a smile.

“Haven’t you told her Ji?” He asked making me look at Jiyong oppa.

“Ah well I told her brother yesterday but not yet to her. She’s having the same problems with me as well.”

“Really?” Doctor Kang said as he looks at me all confused. “You don’t mind if I tell her right? I think I could work things out.” With a nod as consent to go ahead, Doctor Kang got my attention and cleared up all the doubts I had in my head right now. “Jiyong has been having nightmares of that night.”

“That night? The night I was…I mean the night when everything happens?” I asked when I finally understand the situation.

“It’s something common that always happens when someone do something or experience something extreme. For Jiyong’s case his guilt ate him up so he would always dream about your reactions and emotions during the incident. And for victims like you they would always have nightmares of suffering from that incident and although it is the same nightmares, the feelings are different. One triggered by fear and the other by guilt. Call me sadist for all you want but I am really happy for those who have such nightmares because of guilt because that means that they know that they are in the wrong and regret their actions.”

“Jiyong oppa didn’t tell you to tell me this so that I can forgive him right?” I asked suspiciously making him shake his head while Jiyong oppa was shaking his hands really quick to show that he really wasn’t behind this.

“I have no reason to lie Yoon Ji ah because it’s something you can conclude as well. If they aren’t sorry for their mistake, would you think it would be a nightmare haunting them? For those who are really sick in the mind it would be a good dream to them. Ever since the first time I’ve seen Jiyong, I knew he was sorry and wants to make up for his mistakes cause if he doesn’t, why would he ring up a psychiatrist personally? Besides you would never believe how many times he cried in front of me during the first few sessions as well as the time you left without a word.”

“I did not cry!” Jiyong oppa said making us laugh a little. Aigoo this oppa and his pride.

“Jiyong just see it that I’m helping you to gain Yoon Ji’s trust. As for Yoon Ji, what I’m saying is real~” Doctor Kang said making Jiyong oppa bury his face in his palms.

“I know. It’s not like it’s the first day I know Jiyong oppa. He’s a crybaby~”

“Yah not you too?!!” Jiyong oppa asked as he tickles my waist.

“Jiyong do you think you can give me and Yoon Ji sometime alone if Yoon Ji doesn’t mind? After all you called me today because you want me to talk to her right?” Doctor Im said and seeking my consent, which I gave a yes after hesitating for a moment, he left the both of us in the room. “Chill alright? I’m not going to interrogate you nor remind you of what happen that night. Just treat me as someone who can allow you to release all your secrets on and not worry if they will leak out cause this person is going to die the next moment neh? But if there is nothing you want to ask we can--”

“Jiyong oppa…how is he?” I asked carefully to start.

“Jiyong? Well he made great improvement after his first session with me. He’s starting to see things a lot differently, of course in a good way and his temper as well has gotten a lot better. This is something that everyone in YG who knows that he has sessions with me reflected and he didn’t know anything about them reporting to me. I’m not going to claim all the credit cause you were the one who helped him a lot.”

“Me?”

“He was so happy that night when you said that you two were soul mates that he rang me up and boost about it for almost half an hour. If only I wasn’t his psychiatrist who is suppose to hear him out I would have already hang up the phone on that lunatic.” Doctor Kang said making me smile. “When you were hanging for your life, he already had nightmares of you dying in front of him or the heart monitor going flat even when he seldom gets sleep, which means these nightmares haunt him even in his nap.”

“But he acted like nothing happened.”

“I believe it is the same for you as well isn’t it?”

“I just don’t want to burden my oppa but he found out eventually.”

“Sometimes Jiyong would have mixed dreams. Scenes of that night and then suddenly to the hospital where you almost lost your life. Whenever he had such nightmares he slides to depression and kept blaming himself for what he has done. He felt so much hurt when he see you popping up in his dreams crying and pleading that he even asked me if there was a way that he wouldn’t have to sleep to avoid all those nightmares. I can see that it was a moment of folly, and he really loved you.” Doctor Kang said as I close my eyes. Seems like I’m not the only one suffering and it really made me felt bad.

“I thought I was the only one…”

“Yoon Ji this is not something you should be blaming yourself. In fact earlier on when I say you helped him a lot, it was actually more then what I’ve said. When he saw you and his son, he told me that those nightmares didn’t haunt him anymore and you know why? It’s because he has you. It was shocking for me cause I was expecting those dreams to come to him a lot more than previous times when he sees that you had his kid and he can’t be there for you but maybe it was because he decided to not let the past affect him and instead work hard for his own family that he hope to form with you, it just disappeared momentary.”

“I’ve been happy with Jiyong oppa as well and we share the same goal but why is it that my dreams felt so real last night?”

“The atmosphere definitely plays a part. After all you’ve been in Hawaii, you know he wouldn’t be there to harm you but now he is right beside you, sharing the same bed at the exact place where the incident happen, it would feel more realistic because of the atmosphere around you.”

“How can I get rid of it?” I asked.

“I’m sorry my dear but I would say that there is no way I can help you get rid. It is actually down to you yourself and even Jiyong. If you guys are able to create a new memory which I’m 50:50 about it cause you guys seems ok with skinships yet the incident has been so traumatizing to you two, I’m not sure if this works. But if you try to open your heart to Jiyong naturally, not through forcing and from him you seek comfort, it would get better.”

“How about the one revolving babies?” I asked, knowing that Jiyong oppa would have told him about it.

“Babies?” Okay he didn’t.

“Well I was expecting twins because of that incident and unfortunately one passed away barely an hour after he was born so I have been having nightmares regarding that.”

“Sometimes, it’s good to let go and this goes to both incidents. Jiyong and you clearly love one another so if you can trust Jiyong that he has changed and let go of the incident, it would harm you less. As for the baby’s one, I would want you to let him go. I know it’s not easy going through pregnancy alone and see one of your babies die in front of your eyes but there is nothing we can do to bring him back. He must be in heaven right now watching over all of you and I’m sure that he would never want to see you suffer because of him, especially after you have taken care of him for 9 months and he couldn’t even give you anything before he left. This is all fate and if this is how things are, even if we were to revive the other baby he would still eventually leave you get what I mean.”

“I know. I would love to let go as well. I’ve tried but it isn’t easy.”

“At least you’ve tried. I don’t want to force you nor do I want you to put a lot of pressure on you. Just let things happen naturally and when one day you realize you have let everything go, you would then be release from all this fear. Just don’t give up and it’s important to say out your feelings too. If you keep them inside you, it’s going to make things worse. Talk to Jiyong more, and who knows you two would be able to help one another out? You two are a match make from heaven be it on screens or behind cameras. But the only thing that is blocking you two is that the two of you are stubborn blood type A who bottles up their feelings and explode one day. Just like how Jiyong exploded and cause you harm. If only you guys talk to one another, things wouldn’t have happen, agree?” He asked making me nod. “Alright I would take my leave first since I think my job is done. I’ll get Jiyong to come in?” He asked and once again I nodded.

“Thank you Doctor Kang, you’re really of great help~”

“If you need me again, just ring me up. Jiyong has my number neh?”

“Neh. Thank you.”