"Taekwoon-ah... "N sounds so broken, so wrecked. "How hurt do you think I am when the dongsaeng I love so much, the dongsaeng I would give my life for, call me disgusting?  "

"W-what? "Leo is completely shocked with the revelation. He remembered N calling himself disgusting not long ago, during the time when he had quite a breakdown, but he never knew those words were from a dongsaeng. He thought they were from anti fans. 

Hyuk's face becomes pale when N let out those words. Without a second thought, he drop to his knees, begging. " "I'm sorry, hyung! I never meant it! Any of it! "

N doesn't even spare the maknae a glance as he keeps his eyes on Leo, who's now staring down at Hyuk with a look of disbelief. 

"Hyuk, you... "Leo couldn't believe it. He could never believe that Hyuk would even utter such words to their leader. Sure, the maknae was rude but to go that far? That's just too much.

"It's not just that, Taekwoon-ah. "N speaks up again, ignoring the fact that Leo is already too overwhelmed and that Hyuk is now on the floor, begging his heart out and also the fact that even his bestfriend,Minhyuk and the rest of his dongsaengs, Ken, Ravi and Hongbin are witnessing his outburst . He doesn't care anymore. He's worn out. He's been keeping all his feelings inside and he just couldn't hold it in anymore . 

N let out a choked sob. "I'm thankful that all of you were there when I need you, when I crave for your support. I'm really thankful for that. "He says. "But do you remember, all these times,it was also all of you who hurt me? "

"When all I wanted to do was to give you some love, some affection, to show you how much you mean to me, how much I appreciate your presence in my life, you, all of you, pushed me away. You pushed me away like I'm a trash.  Am I really that disgusting? "

"Hakyeon. "Minhyuk, who pretty much have nothing to do with what's happening at the moment,feels his own heart break and he couldn't even imagine just how much N have endured. But rather than his own heart break, right now, what concerns him is the way N is wheezing,like he couldn't breathe properly. "Please stop. "He pleads. 

N pays no mind to what Minhyuk is saying. "So, Taekwoon-ah, can you imagine it now? Can you imagine all the hurt I felt because of you? All of you? "

Leo couldn't say anything because yes, he can. He can imagine it. And if each of those little refusal they made really did hurt N that much, then the pain that he felt because of Hyuk can never compare to the pain that N felt. 

N let out a small, tearful chuckle. "You can, right, Taekwoon? It's easy, just multiply the pain Hyuk gave you by infinity, that's how much pain I felt. "

"Hakyeon, please. "Minhyuk grabs N's arm, asking him to calm down because those wheezing sounds N is making really scares him. 

Once again, N ignores his bestfriend. "Now tell me, Taekwoon. If you have the right to beat Hyuk up because he hurt you, then doesn't that mean that I also have the right to beat all of you for the pain you caused me? "