Leaving the dorm, Hyuk doesn't go far. He just ran into their private practice room and locked himself inside. 

He's panting hard. Ken's slaps still sting.  A lot. 

He unceremoniously sits down on the floor, facing the mirror. He raises a hand and gently caress his own face, wincing at the pain. But the physical pain is nothing compared to the pain inflicted on his feelings. 

'I'm embarrassed to have a dongsaeng like you! '

'It's better if you're forever gone from our sight! '

'No one will miss you! '

Those words hurt him a lot. 

'He's not our dongsaeng. '

'We don't have such rude person in our team. '

Without realising it, Hyuk starts crying. 

They really hurt him. 

He knows it's his own fault. He was the one who started it by being rude. But he have his reason for being that way. 

What is his reason? 

Lately, he has started being self conscious. He starts realising that he isn't as good as his hyungs. 

He doesn't have a good look like Hongbin. He certainly can't be considered as an artwork. 

He can't write or compose songs like Ravi. He can't rap.

He doesn't have a vocal as good as Ken's. He can't sing. He can't even beat him at acting cute even though he's supposed to be the cute one since he's the maknae. 

He certainly can't reach the 4 octaved high note like Leo. He doesn't have Leo's mysterious charm either. 

But most of all, he can't be like N. The perfect leader. He can't lead like N. He can't dance so ily like N. He can't be all smile like N. He doesn't have that unique voice which N's.He doesn't have that beautiful skin which is N's. 

He envy his hyungs, especially N. 

As if realising that he's lacking in everything isn't enough, his hyungs made him feel even worse. 

Hongbin always make him jealous especially when the visual gets praised for his good look. The fans swooned even when he says a word. 

Ravi makes him feel so upset especially when the rapper yells at him for being loud or disturbing when he's trying to write or compose his songs. It made him feels extremely useless. 

Ken makes him feel upset because when the main vocalist do aegyos, he makes people coo at how adorable he is but when the maknae himself do aegyo, people cringe as if he's disgusting. 

Leo makes him feel upset because the second eldest always glare at him even when all he's trying to do is crack a joke to cheer him up. Leo also scolded him for each of his voice crack when they are having vocal training. He isn't as good as him in singing so why couldn't he be a little understanding? 

Most of all, he's upset at N. Without fail, the leader always notice his mistakes, especially when they're having practice. N might be kind but when it comes to dancing, he's not. The maknae have lost count on how many times he has sprained his ankle and wrists due to the leader's harsh treatment.  

He knows everything his hyungs did are all for their team's benefit but he couldn't help thinking that they're too much. 

These days, it has occcured to him just what is his role in their team? 

As he thinks about it, he realise that he doesn't really have any vital role. 

So, would it affect their team if he's gone? 

No. Of course not. 

Leo and Ken's word just now has confirmed it. 

They doesn't need him. He's just dragging them down for being disgusting and useless. 

They're better off without him. 

After crying for so long, he starts to feel dizzy. Everything around him spin. 

It doesn't take much longer for darkness to overcome him and he wish to never see the light ever again. 

He wish to never wake up.