(this is me while watching The Brightest Star In The Skies)

TAO is so perfect he makes me wonder how did I even manage to fall in love with someone from my surroundings I mean he's been there all this time setting the bar so high for everyone making it impossible to reach it yet I did manage to fall for someone who's not even 10% as cute/handsome/funny/......./perfect as TAO I feel like a traitor rn I know Tao always says to live our lives I'm not being delusional here I'm just saying it could have been a lot easier if things only continued being as before, cherishing TAO the most, with only my dream of meeting him carrying me on, no delusions no anything just loving wholeheartedly the person who kept me and still keeps me going on in life, I owe him so much he made and is still making my life brighter I only want to thank him properly one day for being who he is and for making me what I am... it would have been so much easier being in what I call a platonic love for one person instead of having two persons share your heart and it's not even the same kind of feeling, what TAO is is something beyond description tbvh and I wish I can see him one day to thank him for everything he is...
This post is so confusing I'm talking about two topics at the same time but I guess this only reflects what a mess my mind and heart are rn //sigh