Okay I think I have been misunderstood. Or maybe I didn't really make effort to explain because I wasn't really in the mood to write something long enough to be understood.

"You have damaged me...

And I hate it..."

Yes that's what I said, or wrote.

And to the owner of this comment (I don't want to mention names) "you've damaged yourself" thank you for saying it, it kind of woke me up.

But let me explain first.

You have damaged me... Oh well, that's what I did to myself. True. I am the only one to blame. Because I am the one who fell in love with him, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who felt her heart drop when I first watched that magazine photo shoot and fell for the intensity of his incredible gaze, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who spent her days fangirling about him, wanting to know more about him, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one trying to lose weight just because he said he loves women with nice body, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who has done her best to protect him, even from afar, responding to every malicious or erted comment about him, blaming its owner because Tao is such a pure soul and he doesn't deserve bad or inappropriate talking about him, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who wants to protect him even from herself, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who worried whenever he was sick or not feeling good, whenever he forced a fake smile to satisfy us, his fans, he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who got mad at sasaengs constantly annoying him (and other members), he has never forced me to do it. Because I am the one who has mixed her feelings with real life and even if I totally knew that nothing will ever happen nothing will ever change, I kept hoping, he has never forced me to do it.

See? He has never really done anything that may hurt me!

But, you know, I'm not that lunatic of a person. I know where I should stop. I know my limits. "Hope"? Do you think I was hoping to one day get married to him and have a big happy family? As I said, I know my limits. The only thing I was hoping for was seeing him, in a concert or a fan meeting. Just seeing him. Nothing more. Or maybe just maybe a comment on weibo. Do you think that, if that day ever came, I would jump into his arms begging for a hug and claiming that I'm his best fan and the one who loves him the most? Please, I'm not a sasaeng! I know he already feels uncomfortable with fans all around and I know that, if that ever happened, he would even 'hate' me for doing it.

I can blame myself for everything, for worse