Crying... this is what I'm doing right now, while writing this.

I'm not saying this because I want everyone to know the fact that "I'm crying", I actually don't like it when people see me crying, but it's because I feel like I have to write everything that's in my mind, everything that happens to me, everything related to Tao.

And if you ask me why do I HAVE to do it, I would answer you;

1- Because now I feel responsible for everyone reading this, even if it's not interesting to every time read the same words "Love, Miss, Cry, Tao...", even if I'm not even sure of myself if I'd reach the 1000 chapters, I feel responsible for everyone who's giving me their support. And so, even if I can't tell you everything or can't explain everything, even if I can talk mysteriously sometimes, even if I don't tell you the whole thing in my heart, i still have to give you a hint, at least.

2- Because I've honestly become addicted to my own writings, to my own changes of moods, from happy and cheerful to sad and pitiful, and all this because of just one person. I want to come and reread my own thoughts, i want to keep them, to treasure them, and one day, when all will be over, when even my 0.000001% of chance of meeting him would have flown away, I'd comeback and reread how stupid I was to believe in such nonsense; Being able to understand a person I've never met in my  whole life, being able to understand HIM.

It has been quite a while I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I just was confused with my own feelings and I've even stopped writing here for few days, not because I didn't want anyone to know but because I couldn't understand my own feelings, so how would I be able to write them down? And, how would I be able to understand HIS feelings.

But few days ago I've watched a fan-made video and I just burst into tears. I couldn't share it here because I told you I didn't have the courage to tell you anything (in a previous post). I just told him that I'm sorry. And now, again, because of the same reason, I'm shedding tears I haven't shed for a long time (maybe the last time was when I got into  a depression for about 4 days, because of Tao of course). From tomorrow, the 1st of August to the 10th of the same month, I won't be at home and so I will only have really few updates about him for 10 days (thanks to my phone) and I probably won't see him in Zhang Li Yin's MV in time, I will have to wait 10 days. So I uploaded some of his too many pics on my phone (because I