I  still can't explain how I feel. So I won't be writing everything I have in mind.

But it seems like Tao's post yesterday, it was really him...

I don't understand anything anymore.

If only I could know how they feel now...

Maybe disappointed, lost, hurt... I don't know if they really have decided to continue without Kris or if they're doing it just because they HAVE TO, but if Kris is really not coming back, I know that they should at least protect their efforts of more than 2 years, as 12. If Kris has sacrificed himself, then the others will have to protect everything left.

You don't know how painful it is now for me to write this, I am hardly typing this while trying to contain the tears. I don't know how everything will be from now on but to be honest, I have lost all hopes. Kris may not comeback. It's just that I wish their friendship doesn't break up cause, maybe I was delusional thinking that other members aren't mad about it.  They surely are sad, but angry? Feeling "betrayed"? I have never believed it but, seeing other members' posts (and it's clear now that they ARE the ones posting), I feel like they want to forget about everything and just continue, even... even without Kris...

I hope I'm wrong, I'm praying I'm wrong.

Yesterday was hard. I couldn't even eat the whole day, from 8 am to 10 pm I only ate when my mom insisted and she saw me crying so I just lied that it was because of studies... and, mention