Flashback a year ago

"Wake up Sumin, it's your first day of high school!" Donghae appa cooed me awake. I stirred in my bed,"OMG! It is~!" I excitedly jumped off my bed, Donghae appa smiled and kissed me good morning. I ran to the bathroom to take a shower. Im actually in high school now~!

After taking my shower I put on my uniform for TS High. "Wow, I look cute~!" I combed my long wavy hair and put a red head band on my hair, matching my red shoes I was going to wear. 

I walked downstairs to the kitchen and found a perfect breakfast on the table. "Eunhyuk appa already left for the studio, so I'll be taking you ok?" Donghae appa smiled when he saw me. I spun around,"How is it?" He stood up and hugged me,"You look beautiful, now lets eat." 

Donghae appa took me to TS High and took tons and tons of pictures before letting me go inside. I walked down the halls looking for my locker ,"Aish, why do I at directions?!" I pouted. I finally found it, problem was that it was  crowded by a bunch of boys. Blond boys. What the heck is up with the blond hair? Are they related or something?

"Excuse me." I said. The blond boys didn't hear me, they kept chatting and hanging by my locker. I looked at my green watch,"Im going to be late." I muttered angrily. "Hey! Move it!" I said bit louder. They all peered at me,"What?"

"I said, move it, I need to get to my locker!" I pushed threw them and found my locker. I laughed,"Whoo, finally." I opened my locker but it wouldn't open. I pouted,"Are you serious?! Aish Im going to be late." I stomped. I shook the locker with all my might, but it wouldn't open. I hit it with my fist, but that just left me with a small bruise forming. 

"Stupid locker!" I shouted at it. A hand hit my locker too and opened it,"There you go." A kind voice spoke. I looked up and saw one of the blond boys smile down at me. H-he's kind of cute... I blushed and bowed,"Thank you blond boy!" I smiled up at him and put some of my things inside and closed it again. 

"What's your name?" The boy asked. 

"Ooh, looks like Zelo has a crush." One of his blond brothers teased. I looked away. His name is Zelo? Weird name..,but it's nice.

"Shut up Himchan hyung!" Zelo glared at his friend Himchan. He turned his attention back to me and smiled,"Im Zelo. Nice to meet you."

I nodded,"Im Song Sumin. Can I ask you something?" Zelo nodded with a friendly smile,"Sure."

"Are you all related?" I pointed to all his friends,"You guys look like brothers or something. It's kind of creepy." I shook my head,"Wait no, I mean, ugh, Im sorry. I take that back, that was rude of me to say. Sorry!" I bowed and attempted to run away in shame. But Zelo's hand caught my wrist. 

I gasped as he gently forced me to face them. All of the blond boys looked at me, then burst out laughing,"She thinks we're brothers?! She's kind of cute." One gave me a wink. I stepped back.

"Yah, don't scare her you idiot." One blond with a deep voice slapped his head and smiled at me,"Sorry. They're kind of hitting puberty. We're a group called B.A.P. And Im the leader, Yongguk, nice to meet you Sumin." Yongguk smiled.

I grinned,"Cool, are you a gang or something?" He laughed,"No, we're just regular boys." 

"Hey, you may be the first girl that is more beautiful than me, I give you props for that. Im Himchan, the visual of our little group." Himchan flipped his blond hair with a confident smile. I nodded,"Your gay huh?"

"Bwoh?! M-me g-gay?!" Himchan stuttered. I nodded,"Yeah, I mean you just have that gay feel. Or your just a narcissist who loves himself." Himchan looked defeated and slumped his shoulders,"I got told by a first year..."

"Yeah, she told you your gay. Aha. Anyway, hi Im Youngjae." He bowed and gave me a sweet smile. I giggled,"Nice to meet you."

I met eyes with a tall silent dude. He kept staring at me with his pretty face. "Hi." I waved. He waved back,"Im Daehyun." I looked at him with an awkward face."O-ok. Daehyun...oppa."

"OPPA?! How come you call him oppa but not me?!" Yongguk and Himchan pointed to themselves,"We're the oldest!" I bit my lip,"Sorry, my bad oppas."

"And finally I am Jongup a handsome fellow. Nice to meet you Sumin." The boy who winked at me smiled. "Hello." I nodded,"That's a lot of names to remember." I kept note of myself to try to remember. This is going to be hard since they're all blond!

"He's our maknae." Yongguk hugged Zelo's neck,"So take care of him ok?" Zelo and I blushed,"What am I a babysitter?" I muttered. I looked up at Zelo,"Your a tall maknae.." He gave a goofy laugh,"I know. Get used to it cause your going to see me a lot around here." He winked. 

Gosh, these boys sure are something with their confidence level. "Then Im going to warn you guys, I, Song Sumin, is a hard girl to handle. So watch out!" I pretended to shoot them with my fingers. They looked at me with an amused face. I giggled,"See you around. B.A.P." 

~~~

The first months at TS High were full of fun and laughter. I grew close with the B.A.P members, especially with Zelo. It didn't take me long to realise he was my first love. At the time I kinda knew that a first love was something unforgettable. They've successfully imprinted themselves in your heart, that special love. The truly first person you fell in love with. And mine was Zelo.

I don't know if it was his childish personality that always had a way to make me smile and laugh, or was it his laugh, his curly blond hair, the way he was carefree. I don't know, but I just fell for him hard. I couldn't wait to see him at school, and if I did, I'd get all nervous and blush like an idiot. I wouldn't be able to breathe for the times he'd catch my eyes. Zelo was my true happiness. 

I didn't know Zelo loved me at the time. I just thought he was friendly and liked me only as a friend. That stupid friend zone. During the middle of school, I met a girl, Eunji. She was the first girlfriend I've made at TS. She was my bestfriend. I could tell her everything,  but I kept my love for Zelo a secret, which I learned was a big mistake. I should've told her. But I didn't. And because I didn't Eunji confessed to me she'd been in love with Zelo. 

Of course after hearing that, my heart broke into a million pieces. My best friend was in love with Zelo, my Zelo. We both loved the same guy, and that made me crazy. I was a coward, and didn't fight for my love. Eunji probably knew I had feelings for him, but my feelings I knew she wouldn't be able to understand. Yeah, it was obvious I loved him, but my love was undefined. How much I loved Zelo, she would never understand, and she would never know, just like Zelo.

During winter vacation we all decided to go to on a trip, just B.A.P, Eunji, and I. I thought I'd give it a try and talk to Zelo, it took me a lot of self convincing to actually plan to confess my love to Zelo. I reasoned with myself, saying Zelo deserves to know, or you'll regret giving up on this love. I thought I deserve Zelo, much more than Eunji. I didn't get him a gift for Christmas though. I thought my gift to him, if he accepted me, would be my first kiss. I mean it would go, Zelo was my first love, he'd get my first kiss, the most special kiss. That was my plan, my special plan. Sadly, when we got there Eunji told me she was planning to confess her love to Zelo. 

Again, being a coward. I chose friendship over my love. I was stupid and miserable during that trip. Eunji told me to back off of Zelo, so he wouldn't be too attached to me. Also so she can spend time with him. Oh how I hated her for making me do something like avoid Zelo. Even if I couldn't have him, I atleast wanted to be by his side as a friend. That was enough for me. 

One night I was walking in the woods, I stumbled into a conversation between Zelo and Eunji. She was confessing, and he was listening. I couldn't hear cause I was blocking my ears. I decided I couldn't listen and walked away. I remember how I felt so alone that night. I cried while walking in the starry path, I didn't care if I was loud, I just wanted the pain to be gone. Spill out easily like my tears, I wished so hard I could easily wipe them away. 

Zelo found me, he told me he was looking for me. By that time, my tears were gone, and my eyes were red and puffy. Thankfully Zelo didn't notice since it was dark. He told me he wanted to talk to me. We sat on a bench, and for a while we didn't talk at all. I really wished I lost my voice so I wouldn't have to lie to him.

"Eunji told me she loves me." Zelo quietly spoke, he looked at me. I cleared my throat, I was scared he'd notice my shaking voice,"What did you say?"

I closed my eyes, Please don't love her. Please don't love her. Zelo sighed,"I didn't say anything." I looked at him,"What? Why?"

He smiled at me,"Cause, I already have someone I love." My heart started to beat fast. Maybe I still had a chance. Hope was growing. "Really?" I whispered. Zelo nodded and gave me the sweetest smile,"Yeah."

I blushed, but then I remembered Eunji. How she must've felt some hope too.., Guilt started to grow fast, and my hope soon died. "Eunji really loves you. I think...you guys are...p-perfect." I whispered, lying. I felt that horrible lump in my throat, any minute my feelings would burst. But I kept it in. 

"W-what?" He asked, I could hear disappointment, but I ignored it. "You think that?" I nodded. 

Zelo laughed,"That's bull." He shook his head in disagreement,"No! I don't believe your being honest Sumin. I know you." I shook my head,"Im honest Zelo."

Zelo got down infront of me and looked at me with his beautiful eyes,"I love you Sumin." He softly whispered. My insides were going crazy. Zelo loves me...but I can't...Eunji loves you too pabo.

I looked at Zelo,"No, you can't Zelo. You have to love Eunji." Zelo shook his head furiously,"No!" He grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes," I love you not her! Understand me Sumin! I love you and want you only!" He searched my eyes,"I know you feel the same. I've felt it for a long time. You love me too."

My tears started to fall, and Zelo softly wiped them away, I shook my head,"N-no." But Zelo kept persisting,"Yes, I know you Sumin, STOP LYING! Please tell me the same thing. Please." Zelo desperately begged. But I resisted and looked away,"I don't love you." 

"N-no, you are lying. I know you Sumin. I think I know you better than anyone on this ing planet. I know that look in your eyes...it's the same way I look at you. Tell me straight in the eye, my eyes, that you don't love me." He whispered in a rasp voice. He waited and turned my head so I was facing him.

It took me all my strength to force myself to lie to Zelo that night. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I looked at Zelo,"I don't love you Zelo." I firmly said. Deep down, I knew it was over for me. Zelo probably wouldn't forgive me. He looked at me with so much sadness. I took away both our happiness. It hurt me more when tears fell out of his beautiful eyes,"Your lying. Why are you lying? Please Sumin, please don't say that. I love you so much...don't break my heart...please don't lie to me...tell me your lying. Sumin." He shook me hard, but I kept silent. Zelo cried and hugged me tightly.  "Im not lying." I lied.

When I saw his tears, I knew if I didn't leave, I'd tell him I was lying and that I loved him so much too that my heart ached for him. I pulled his arms off of me, but he kept clinging. "Z-Zelo let go of me! Please let go of me!" He shook his head,"No! Your lying to me Sumin!"

"LET GO!" I screamed and panted. Slowly...Zelo let go. I cried and ran away back to the hotel. I left Zelo crying by himself..

 That was the last time I'd love Zelo. That night was the night I lost my first love. Why did you let go of me Zelo? was what I thought when I ran away.

Just Sumin's past on how she broke Zelo's heart.

....night TT_TT

happy 4th of July....