The emotional onslaught of breaking up with Taemin is unbearable. I promised myself not to hurt and betray him but still I manage to do both. He was a mess Onew told me when I called. I keep reaching out for him but Taemin he just keeps me away, hating me.

                        I’m free of the lies around us but that doesn’t mean that I’m completely happy. In gaining something I lose something important too. My mom would hate me for this but I know she’ll also comfort me no matter what.

                        I sat on my parent’s kitchen and cried.

                        “I’m a horrible person, umma.” I cried.

                        She patted my hand. “You can’t save someone from all the misery. You’re hurting too, let Taemin cool down for bit. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

                        “I miss him.” I cried.

                        “There’s nothing you can do for now, honey.” my mom said consolingly.

                        “Do you think he’ll forgive me?” I asked.

                        My mom smiled. “Let’s just hope he does.”

                        I went upstairs and locked myself in my old room where my things were still being kept like I have never left. I look at my bed and smiled remembering how Taemin likes to sleep there when he was a kid and there’s no malice between us.

                        It’s all gone now, all because of me.

                        I looked at my huge closet and opened it. My favorite dresses where still there but too little for me to wear. I slumped down on the floor and looked at the bottom drawer of my closet.

                        I pulled it open and stared at the box for a very long time.

                        It was big and I can imagine it screaming at me to open it. I opened the lid with shaking hands and gasp when I saw the contents.

                        Lying there, neatly, is my wedding gown.

                        I touched the fabric and sighed. I took the gloves and wear it wondering if this is real, I guess it is.

                        “I wonder when you will be able to wear that again.” my mother said standing in the doorway wearing a dreamy expression.

                        I keep wondering about that too.

                        “I probably won’t be able to wear it.” I mumbled still looking at gown.

                        “Wae?” she asked.

                        Because I can only wear it if Kyuhyun is my groom.

                        “It doesn’t feel right.” I said instead.

                        “How’s Kyuhyun?” my mom asked.

                        I looked up, surprised. “He’s doing okay.”

                        My mom sighed. “I miss that boy.”

                        I stared at my mom and watched her disappear downstairs. I always thought that my mom hates Kyuhyun for what he has done but I guess my mom has long forgiven him. They were close too.

                        I looked at my wedding gown once again and gingerly lifted it. I stood in front of my vanity mirror and held the gown against me. I imagined Kyuhyun standing by my side as my groom and smiling happily.

                        I am lost in the moment and memories, it almost feel like reality.

                        I can’t find in my heart to hate him anymore. The only feeling in my heart right now is how much I love him and the feeling of being vulnerable. There’s nothing more to protect me from Kyuhyun.

                        He has completely invaded my heart.