We checked out early the following day to go back to Seoul without hassle on the road and to avoid anyone who might recognize us. It was again silent on the car and I know we’re both thinking about the night on the beach. The things we’ve talked about and finally the realization of our true feelings.

                        Of course, I’ve known my feelings all along. The reason why I’ve put up a wall between us, why I’ve always been hostile and distant towards him, is because I still love him. After all these years I still love him. The love for the one you choose to marry doesn’t go away like that.

                        I don’t know what made me admit it to him last night. I am resolved on keeping my true feelings to myself; always keeping a front of hating him but last night was different. We didn’t fight; we didn’t talk about the past. We are just who we are.

                        He still loves me.

                        I don’t know what exactly I am feeling about this. I’m happy that he still feels the same. I’ve always thought that he just want to make amends on the things he’s done so that it will something less to carry on his conscience but after last night when he uttered those words, I know he’ll never lie about it.

                        Yeah, I’m happy but I’m sad at the same time. Like I said to him last night, even if we feel the same for each other there’s nothing right about what’s happening. There’s Yoona and Taemin. I love Taemin as a brother and a friend. I care for him and I don’t want to hurt him but I know coming here with Kyuhyun is already something to be feeling guilty about. And Yoona, Kyuhyun and I both love her to a different extent and if there’s one thing that I won’t lose is her friendship and trust. So no matter how we feel for each other the sad truth is that…it’s never going to happen.

                        Not now and not ever. It’s impossible.

                        We both have people to protect.

                        Fate really has a sick way of playing with people’s hearts but then again maybe we’re the one who’s at fault here.

                        The car suddenly stopped and I realize that we’re in front of my house.

                        “I had a great time last night.” Kyuhyun said looking at me.

                        I nodded staring at my hands.

                        “I just want to say these things before you leave.” Kyuhyun began. “I don’t know if you’ll ever listen to me for saying this but I’m sorry. Those three years were horrible for the both of us. You shouldn’t carry it anymore and it’s my entire fault. I know you blame yourself too but you’re wrong. You didn’t do anything to deserve what I did. Mianheyo.”

                        I nodded and then opened my mouth to speak before realizing I don’t know what to say.

                        Kyuhyun brushed a tear from my cheek. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want to get it out of my chest.”

                        He opened the car door for me and I stepped out. My heart feels heavy as I see him go away.

                        I played with Momo all day, trying to preoccupy myself from thinking of Kyuhyun. My phone rang and I just want to cancel it but I saw that it’s from Yoona.

                        “Yeoboseyo?” I answered on the fourth ring.

                        “Unnie!” Yoona’s ecstatic voice said. “Are you at your house already?”

                        “Neh.” I replied.

                        “Please tell me that Kyuhyun oppa has the decency to drop you off your house.” Yoona said.

                        I bit my lip. “He did.”

                        Yoona made a sigh of relief. “How’s the trip? I know it’s short but I hope you enjoyed it. Kyuhyun oppa looks like he enjoyed it.”

                        “Yeah, we enjoyed.” I said guilty.

                        “Gwenchanna, unnie?” Yoona asked suddenly.

                        “Neh, I’m fine.” I answered.

                        “Oh! You must be tired.” Yoona said suddenly. “I should hang up now.”

                        “Yoona.” I said before she hangs up.

                        “Neh, unnie?” she answered.

                        I paused tentatively. “Mianhe.”

                        “Hmm?” she murmured. “Wae?”

                        “Because…because you couldn’t come.” I mumbled lamely.

                        “Oh it’s fine!” Yoona laughed. “I want you both to be happy.”

                        Yoona hangs up and I stared at the phone for a very long time. I want you both to be happy.

                        I sighed.

                        This is really driving me crazy.

                        “Momo-ah.” I said petting the dog. “Do you think I’m a horrible person?”

                        Momo rolled over and ignored me. I sighed; even my dog doesn’t have an answer.