I gripped the stirring wheel of my car real hard until I can’t feel the blood flowing anymore.

                        I need to be there. I need to get there fast.

                        My mind was shaken when I took Sungmin’s call. I instantly know that there’s something wrong because his voice gave him away. I heard fear and concern. I am doing okay and enjoying SHINee’s performance at Pentaport Rock Festival when Sungmin called and dropped the bomb at me.

                        “I’m at the hospital.” he said.

                        I frowned. “Wae? Are you okay?”

                        It’s weird that Sungmin will call me about him unless…

                        There was a pause. “It’s not me… it’s Kyuhyun.”

                        “Mou?” I asked. “What happened?”

                        “It’s his heart.” Sungmin said. “Ppali and come here.”

                        I know I have hurt Taemin’s feeling by walking away from him in the middle of an important performance but I can’t stand there and pretend to be happy while I know Kyuhyun’s life is in peril.

                        I can’t do it.

                        So here I am inside my car, driving like an idiot. I probably have broken a lot of laws in the process but I don’t care.

                        I parked my car and ran for the lobby.

                        “Can you tell me where I can find Cho Kyuhyun?” I asked the receptionist. “He’s been admitted a few minutes ago.”

                        “Mr. Cho is still in the emergency room.” the receptionist said.

                        “Tae Hee!” Sungmin called my name.

                        I turned around and rushed towards him. “Where is he?”

                        “In the ER.” Sungmin replied.

                        “Wae? What’s wrong with him?” I asked panic in my voice.

                        “Calm down Tae Hee.” Sungmin said leading me at the ER.

                        I silently cursed my heels for making me slow down. Outside the ER I saw Kyuhyun’s friends completely worried.

                        “Annyeong.” Leeteuk greeted me and I nodded towards him.

                        “Sungmin, tell me what happened.” I insisted.

                        “He collapsed right before we finished our concert.” Sungmin said. “We didn’t know he’s having chest pains again.”

                        “Again?” I frowned. “What do you mean again?”

                        “Kyuhyun has a weak heart and lungs.” Leeteuk piped up.

                        I shook my head. “That’s ridiculous. Kyuhyun has always been healthy.”

                        “Not after the accident.” Yesung said from the side.

                        “Accident?” I turned to him. “What do you mean accident?”

                        I racked my brain. I never heard of an accident and then I cursed myself again. I remember refusing to read the article about Kyuhyun when I was studying about the Super Junior members.

                        “We were on our way to our rehearsal.” Sungmin explained. “He was in the shotgun seat. Kyuhyun wasn’t that excited even though it’s his first rehearsal with the whole group. He seems preoccupied about something and I’m guessing that he has a problem.”

                        “We were on the highway when a car intercepted us and the next thing we know our van was turned over to the side.” Leeteuk continued.

                        Yesung sighed. “We were lucky that we survived but our driver and Kyuhyun took the blow. He spent six months in the hospital after a lot of surgery damaging his lungs and heart.”

                        My heart clenched. An accident that almost ended his life. My eyes filled with tears and it spilled without warning. I sat down on a nearest seat digesting their words. I never know what he’s been through.

                        The doctor went out of the ER and looked at all of us. He turned to Leeteuk and stepped in to say that he’s in charge.

                        “We need to give him an operation.” the doctor said without preamble. “He needs surgery immediately and he’s being transferred in the OR now.”

                        “He’s going to be okay, right?” I asked. “You’re going to do everything?”

                        “Neh, we’ll do our best.” the doctor said.

                        “What’s wrong with him again?” Sungmin asked.

                        The doctor removes his gloves. “His heart is failing rapidly. The stress might have triggered it and I have said before that he needs to avoid being worked up like feeling deeply sad because his heart can’t take heavy blows.”

                        The doctor excused himself and I slump in my seat again feeling the world betray me. I stood up and walk away from them.

                        “Tae Hee, where are you going?” Sungmin shouted after me but I ignore him.

                        I ran towards the hospital’s little chapel and knelt down in one of the pews, tears streaming down my face. I closed my eyes shut real hard trying to control my thoughts. I held my hands and cried.

                        Please don’t take him away from me. Let him live again and I promise to do what’s right.

                        I love him. You of above all should know that I do.

                        I didn’t know anything, I was stupid. I’m begging you; don’t take Kyuhyun away from me.

                        I stayed there for as long as Kyuhyun’s operation lasted, crying and praying. It was Yesung who come for me.

                        “It’s over.” Yesung said sitting beside me.

                        “He’s safe now, right?” I asked my eyes wide.

                        Yesung sighed. “Yes and no.”

                        “Wae?” I almost shouted.

                        “He’s still alive.” Yesung said. “He’s in the ICU. He survived the surgery but the doctor said it wasn’t an assurance that he’ll live through the … after shock.”

                        After shock?! What the hell is that?

                        “Can I see him?” I asked gripping his arm.

                        Yesung winced. “I think so.”

                        In the ICU they made me wear this stupid protection before I can see him. I was impatient but I comply afraid that they will throw me out and I won’t see him.

                        The tears came again when I saw Kyuhyun in his bed looking fragile and weak. His handsome face in agony even when he’s asleep with a bunch of wires attached to him. My eyes flashed at the monitor that checks his heart rate. It was beating faintly and I cried.

                        I held his hand carefully.

                        “Oppa.” I called him. “Wake up, don’t this.”

                        He stayed still.

                        “Pabonikka?” I asked through my tears. “You have to live. For me, for Cho umma, Cho appa and Ahra. You’re friends are outside too. We’re all waiting for you.”

                        I softly touched his face. “I love you. You heard me that night, right? I told you my feelings when we were in Jeju and I meant it. I love you. I’ve never loved anyone after you. So wake up, you have to wake up.”

                        My time was over and I need to step out. I would’ve stayed with him but it wasn’t possible. I fell in the comforting arms of Ahra and I pained for Cho umma and Cho appa.

                        This is the longest time for me. Waiting for him to wake up.