The awkward silence in the car continued even as we arrived at Jeju Island. We checked in the hotel and they paid us no attention at all. It’s a relief since being seen with Kyuhyun will mean rumors about him and Yoona.

                        I didn’t notice that I am frowning when Kyuhyun nudge me. “What’s wrong?”

                        “Eh?” I blinked.

                        “You’re frowning.” he pointed at me as he carries both our bags.

                        We were in the elevator when I answered. “I’m just thinking about whether it’s safe to be seen with you.”

                        “What do you mean?” he asked.

                        “I mean everyone knows that you and Yoona are going out.” I explained hurriedly. “Being seen with me will stir rumors.”

                        Kyuhyun looked at me for a very long time.

                        “Mou?” I asked.

                        “What do you mean everyone knows that Yoona and I were going out?” Kyuhyun asked.

                        “You’re a couple.” I pointed out.

                        “Neh.” he agreed.

                        I don’t think Kyuhyun is getting my point so I tried to phrase it better.

                        “Yoona’s relationship with me is the same as your relationship with Taemin.” Kyuhyun said.

                        I slowly processed that information and then it clicked. “No one knows about your relationship?”

                        “Neh.” he nodded.

                        The elevator opened and we got out. I was still thinking about that even on the hallway towards our room.

                        “But the fans were crazy about you two.” I said slowly.

                        “They likes us to be together.” Kyuhyun explained. “It just happens that Yoona and I were together in real life but they don’t know anything about it.”

                        I thought about this. It’s true, the fans have the fantasy of partnering their biases that seem to look good together but I have always thought that Yoona and Kyuhyun’s relationship were public.

                        “Does it still bother you?” Kyuhyun asked.

                        “A little.” I admitted.

                        We arrived in front of our suite. Yoona apparently have booked an adjoining room. We faced each other awkwardly and we were silent.

                        “So, I’ll just be on the other room.” Kyuhyun smiled sheepishly.

                        “Arasso.” I nodded.

                        I settled myself on my room, savoring the beautiful view of the beach. I’ve never had a vacation trip before, it’s always we work even when I travel. Surprsingly, coming back to Korea seems to mean that I get to do the old things.

                        There was knock on the door and I opened the door for Kyuhyun.

                        “I was wondering whether you want to go down to the beach.” Kyuhyun said.

                        “Sure.” I agreed because what else there is to say.

                        I asked for him to wait for me in the lobby and fifteen minutes later I saw Kyuhyun waiting for me outside wearing a beach shorts and a white shirt. I approached him and I couldn’t help but notice how his eyes lit up when he saw me.

                        I was wearing shorts and a loose shirt paired by my handy slippers. We walked on the beach for a while and then we started digging for seashells.

                        “Look at this!” Kyuhyun said calling me over.

                        I walked towards him and shrieked. Kyuhyun is holding a crab. “Yah~ put it down.”

                        Kyuhyun laughed and went closer, still holding the crab. “It’s just a crab!”

                        “You know I hate crabs!” I said indignantly.

                        “I just want to see your reaction.” he laughed and put the poor creature back on the shore again.

                        “You’re so evil.” I said throwing sands in his direction.

                        “So I’ve been told.” he smiled.

                        I put the seashells we have collected on Kyuhyun’s bandana and I cradle it in my arms with happiness.

                        “How about dinner?” Kyuhyun offered pointing at a restaurant by the sea.

                        I tried to think for a moment. “Only if we get a table outside.”

                        “I’ll do my best.” he promised.

                        We ordered some weird seafood platter and I cringed again when I saw that there were crabs included.

                        “Don’t be afraid.” Kyuhyun smiled. “They’re already cooked.”

                        “They’re still crabs.” I smirked.

                        “Suit yourself.” he shrugged and started eating one.

                        I sipped my apple shake and looked at the booth outside the restaurant where a DJ is playing a song for those who wants to request something.

                        “This is a cool place.” I commented as I look at the booth.

                        “Do you want to request a song?” Kyuhyun asked.

                        I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

                        Kyuhyun stood up and approached the booth. He seemed to be writing in a piece of paper and then he went back to our table.

                        “What did you requested?” I asked eagerly.

                        “Secret.” he smiled.

                        “That’s so unfair!” I whined.

                        Kyuhyun winked at me and continued to eat. I waited for the song and burst out laughing as a children song played. It was from the cartoon Dooli.

                        “Yah~!!” I laughed. “Why did you pick that song?”

                        “I like Dooli.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “He’s cool.”

                        I was in a better mood because of that and even tried the crabs he was eating. And then the next song played.

                        I froze. At first I thought Kyuhyun is singing at me but that can’t be because he was busy studying me and his mouth is definitely not moving but I’m sure it’s Kyuhyun’s voice.

                        The song being played is our favorite song, a theme song even. Kyuhyun wrote it for me. Hope is a dream that never sleep.

                        “I was able to record and released it when I was accepted in SME.” Kyuhyun explained.

                        “Wae?” I asked quietly.

                        “Because it’s our song.” he said simply.

                        I was silent for a moment and then I looked up at him. “When I was in Japan, sometimes I would wake up and wish that you hadn’t left me and then maybe I’ll be your wife.”

                        “I know what I did really hurt you but...” Kyuhyun began. “…you’re not the only one who’s hurt. Even now the nightmare of not having by my side is haunting me.”

                        As I looked at him I know that he’s sincere and he means every word of it.

                        “I keep pretending that I don’t know you but in my heart, I know, I love you.” I mumbled.

                        “Nado saranghae.” Kyuhyun said touching my hand.

                        I smiled at him sadly. “I know but it doesn’t mean we’re doing the right thing. We shouldn’t even be here.”

                        Kyuhyun nodded defeated and I know that he realizes what I was saying and it’s sad. The realization is always sad.

                        We finished our dinner silently and he excused himself for a moment. Kyuhyun left his phone on the table and I stared at it curiously. I looked around and took it from the table. His phone still has a password just like then.

                        I punched a code and I was surprised that it opened. He didn’t change it; I was even more surprised because I am the one who made the password combination. Getting more curious I opened some folders. I know it’s wrong but I couldn’t help it. I looked at the pictures and I browse through it. It was just him with his friends and then on my very last scroll I saw my photos.

                        There was me holding a teddy bear and making different kind of faces. And then there’s me eating a Popsicle and the last one, a picture of me holding a paper with Kyuhyun’s name on it.

                        I checked the details and just like I suspected it was from three years ago.

                        I put back the phone on the table and gave an innocent look when Kyuhyun came back. He didn’t seem to suspect anything and then he walked me to my suite. It still feels surreal that he keeps those photos after all these years.

                        Does he really still love me?