The conversation they were having is just mortifying for my ears, so pushed my chair backwards and stood up.

                “Unnie, what’s wrong?” Yoona asked. They were all looking at me.

                I smiled at her but I felt like I’m grimacing. “Er…excuse me. I’ll just go to the restroom.”

                “Arasso.” she frowned.

                I caught Kyuhyun’s eye but I averted my gaze and walked with my head down. I locked myself in one of the stalls and tried to restart my heart. I don’t know what Taemin is tying to do. He of all people should know that I don’t want to hear whatever it is but I know I shouldn’t be mad at him; he just wants to divert the attention from me. Sadly, the topic he chose where just as bad.

                I grabbed a tissue and re-applied my make-up. I should go out and get back to our table; they might suspect that something is wrong. What I wouldn’t give to just be back in my house, in my bed.

                I heard a knock on the restroom. I frowned, who knocks in a restroom?

                I opened the door and found myself face to face with Kyuhyun. He was looking at me with the same look he had when he ran after me that day at the parking lot. I know by the way he was looking at me that this will be another one of our confrontations.

                “Oppa, you seem to be in a wrong place.” I tried to joke about it.

                He touched my arm, ignoring my comment. “Gwenchanna?”

                I tilt my head to the side. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

                “Why can’t you just answer it?” he asked.

                “I’m fine.” I said rather coldly. “Such a great night.”

                He didn’t miss the sarcasm. “It’s your friend’s fault.”

                I slapped his hand away.

                “He’s my namja chingu.” I hissed.

                “How long are you going to put up this act?” he retorted back.

                “Why can’t you just accept it?” I asked, my temper already flaring. “What do you care about my love life?”

                Kyuhyun opened his mouth to argue but nothing came out.

                Taemin appeared beside him and looked at me. “Noona, is there something wrong?”

                “Nothing Taeminnie.” I told him. “Kyuhyun just wants to talk about something.”

                Taemin took my hand and together we went back to our table. I tried to put up an act for the sake of Yoona who doesn’t know anything, I owe that to her. I don’t want her to be caught up between whatever’s been going on.

                I was quiet all the way back to my house, Taemin and I managed to get away from Kyuhyun and Yoona after the dinner at the restaurant. It was already nine pm and Taemin and I were just hanging out at the back of my house.

                “Mianhe, noona.” Taemin said quietly.

                “Hmmm?” I looked up thoughtfully.

                He sighed. “I shouldn’t have agreed to go with them. It was thoughtless of me…”

                Looking right now at Taemin I can see that he’s really trying hard to be mature enough for the both of us, for the relationship to work. I ruffled his hair and smiled wistfully.

                “Don’t think too much about it.” I told him.

                “It’s okay if you’re angry.” he mumbled.

                I kept my silence; I don’t know what I feel right now. Everyday my world gets little and little.

                “What are you thinking, noona?” Taemin asked.

                “I’m thinking of going back to Japan.” I said truthfully.

                “Mou?” he stood up suddenly.

                “I can’t stay here Taemin.” I said sadly. “It’s suffocating me.”

                He grabbed my hand. “Noona please don’t say those things.”

                “You know I can’t stay.” I mumbled, voice trembling.

                “Can’t you stay for me?” He asked.

                I wiped his tears. I hate doing this.

                “Don’t cry Taeminnie.” I sighed. “I’ll try and stay, okay?”

                He nodded. “Mianhe. I know I’m being selfish.”

                “Aniyo.” I contradicted him. “You’re the kindest person I know.”

                I hugged him tight like I always do even back then he was little. I know he didn’t want to go back to his dorm but he couldn’t do anything, Onew already called.

                The next couple of days were hard. I tried to do my job as normal as possible, being pleasant with Kyuhyun as much as I can while keeping a safe distance. I tried to forget the incident in the restaurant. I felt guilty that Taemin is trying very hard to cheer me up, bringing me to places and doing stuffs for me. I know that he’s just afraid that I’ll went to Japan without looking back again, but even if I want to…I can’t because I know he’ll be sad and Taemin is the only person I can live with right now.

                It’s a sunny morning and I half dragged myself out of bed because I couldn’t waste this beautiful day. I made myself presentable and went to the mall to loosen up. There isn’t much to see about clothes and I’m bored within thirty minutes so I decided to grab an early lunch.

                I pushed my food around my plate, suddenly uninterested to eat. I wonder about the things that I will be doing if none of this has ever happened when someone talked directly at me.

                “You know, you shouldn’t ignore your food.” a voice said and I turned my head in the other direction.

                I don’t need to look far because the owner of the voice is sitting on the other side of the table.

                I smiled tentatively, hiding my confusion. “Annyeong, Sungmin-ssi. I didn’t notice you.”

                “You were very preoccupied.” he pointed out.

                “Uh-huh.” I answered noncommittally.

                We were silent and then a look of boredom cross his face and he started eating my lunch and really I don’t mind. At least the food won’t go to waste.

                “What brings you here?” I asked when I couldn’t take it anymore.

                He looked up and smile. “I thought you’ll never ask.”

                I rolled my eyes at him and he just laughed.

                “I’m just waiting for someone and I happen to see you.” he explained.

                “Oh, right.” I nodded as I check my watch.

                “Are you leaving?” Sungmin asked.

                I nodded. “Yes.”

                “Sorry…I ate your food.” he smiled.

                I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

                “I like free lunch.” Sungmin said.

                I laughed. “I bet you do.”

                I was about to say my goodbye when something caught Sungmin’s eye. He waved and before I can even look he was beckoning someone towards our table.

                “Kyuhyun, ppali and come here.” Sungmin said cheerfully.

                I froze to my seat. Kyuhyun?

                “Annyeong.” Kyuhyun greeted us and I made myself nod in his direction while mumbling a faint greeting.

                Sungmin looked from Kyuhyun and then to me. “Uh…is there something wrong?”

                Yes, everything’s wrong! I thought irritated but I just smiled at Sungmin. I’ll forgive him for now.

                “What do you mean?” I asked smiling at him and then to Kyuhyun.

                “Nothing.” Sungmin said, smiling like an idiot.

                “What are you doing here with Tae Hee?” Kyuhyun asked.

                “It was coincidental.” Sungmin answered.

                “He ate my lunch.” I supplied.

                Sungmin stood up. “Neh and because I ate her lunch, why don’t we three eat together? I’m still hungry.”

                I groan inwardly as Kyuhyun shrugged and sit at the chair exactly in front of me. Sungmin excused himself to go to the restroom and I was left with Kyuhyun.

                “Is Sungmin giving you a hard time?” Kyuhyun asked.

                I shrugged. “Not as much as you do.”

                He raised his eyebrow at me and I chastised myself for even saying that. Now he knows that I’m still pissed off about last time.

                “I’m sorry about… you know that day...” Kyuhyun said playing with the table napkin in front of him.

                “I don’t want to talk about it.” I answered as the images of that night whirled in my head.

                Kyuhyun sighed in exasperation. “Why do you keep rejecting me? Is this your way of getting back at me?”

                I stared at him dumbly, processing the impact and meaning of his words. In my mind I saw myself standing a few feet from the altar waiting for the man I love, realizing he wouldn’t come.

                I stood up and stared at him a few more seconds, the first sign of tears running down my cheeks.

                “Leaving me in that altar is the most painful rejection you have given me.” I said and I saw him recoil at my words. “Your rejection is nothing close to how you’ve rejected me.”

                I left the restaurant and locked myself safely in my car, where he couldn’t reach me. I revved the engine and drive myself away from that place.

                Yes, he’s right. Maybe I have rejected him. His words shocked me but he knows I’m right, I saw it in his face. How my words impacted him. I shut off my emotion and locked it all back inside. I can’t stand to lose myself in those memories now because they’re too painful and no one will hold me tonight.

Kyuhyun’s POV:

                Sungmin arrived announcing that he already ordered the food on his way to our table and then he noticed that Tae Hee is gone.

                “Where did Tae Hee go?” Sungmin said taking her seat.

                “She left.” I answered robotically.

                “I know, what I mean is why.” Sungmin said smirking at me.

                I looked away. “Because I made a complete idiot of myself again.”

                “Wow.” Sungmin said.

                Leaving me in that altar is the most painful rejection you have given me… painful rejection…

                Tae Hee’s words replayed in my head over and over again. I felt stupid and guilty. I shouldn’t have said those words to her. I know I’ve triggered something in her memory. The disbelief in her face made it clear, like I have the nerve to talk about being rejected.

                “I don’t know anything.” I said frustrated as I bury my face in my hand. “Her pain…”

                “Why don’t you try and understand her pain?” Sungmin asked.

                I turned to him and scowled. Sometimes Sungmin is too outgoing to know the intensity of the situation.

                He sighed as he sees the look I am giving him. “You wouldn’t understand her if you don’t know how she felt. The exact feelings she felt when you left her. You two didn’t get the chance to talk about it. You ended up fighting with each other because you never had the chance to say the words you kept struggling to tell each other.”

                I stared at him.

                “I’m trying to give you an advice here Cho Kyuhyun.” Sungmin said rolling his eyes at my slowness.

                I’m not slow though. I understand what he’s saying about talking about it. Tae Hee and I, we have put a big wall between us and we always block each other that make us both the loser. It wasn’t until Sungmin said it to my face that I understand that we really have to talk about it no matter how painful it may get.

                But how?

                It’s not that easy.

                “Of course it’s not.” Sungmin smirked and I know I have voiced out loud my dilemma. “If it’s that easy you wouldn’t be agonizing over it like that.”

                I sighed. “You’re right.”

                “Look can you just eat right now? The food is here.” Sungmin said patting me in the shoulder. “You have to think about it. Rushing things won’t help; she’ll just push you and run away from you.”

                “Arasso.” I conceded.