JESSICA

Days have passed by.

“Jessica!”

I turned out only to find Yoona running fast to me. The shrubs maybe taller, but hey! It’s Yoona we are talking about here! Duh, she’s taller.

I put down the basket I’ve been carrying since I visited my orchids. “Why are you running?”

Yoona looked at me, then to my bracelet. Bowing my head, I covered it with my hand.

“You are a devil!”

My eyes went wide. I was stunned by what slipped from her lips. “Yoong, what now?”

She rolled her eyes, crossed her arms. “You’re seriously asking me that?” I remained silent, trying to think of something that she might be mad about. But there’s no any.

“Yoona, wh—“

“Suho left.”

“What?”

She raised an eyebrow, “Don’t act as if you still care, Jessi. You made Suho do that.”

I was shocked that my tears escaped my eyes. It’s sure that I don’t want to see him but that’s because he hurt me. But it doesn’t mean I want him to go back… S-Suho.

I closed my eyes to prevent tears from escaping my eyes. It hurts.

“Jessica, he wanted you to know that he loves you so much.”

I broke down, still crying. I don’t know. I don’t know what I should do or even think. It’s when I noticed Yoona was hugging me, comforting me.

“Y-Yoong,” I said between my sobs.

Consoling me, she said, “He loves you so much. He wants you to be happy.”

I parted the hug and looked at Yoona with tears streaming down my face, “But he’s my happiness.”

“I know,” she smiled. “He said you always know where to find him. You can always choose. You can always tell Donghae what you truly feel of this marriage. For your happiness Sica, for once, please do the thing that makes you really happy. If you really love Suho, you can always go and be with hi—“

“No,” I said.

“Jess, yo—“

“I can’t leave,” I said, wiping my tears.

Her forehead creased, “What do you mean?”

I sighed and stared at her. “I can’t leave because Donghae is sick.”

“What?” she sounded so shocked.

I sat on the ground, looking afar. “He has a heart disease.”

“H-How did you know? Did he tell you?”

“No, I heard it. I heard it when he and Tiffany were talking about telling me the truth about his condition,” I exhaled, trying my best not to cry and feel guilty or pity him. “All this time he kept it a secret. When he had a heart attack, he didn’t even tell me after. I remembered how Tiffany reacted when it happened. I guess I was just so dumb not to notice.”

Yoona held my arm. “Are you marrying him because of his condition?”

“No. Never,” I said. “I’m not. I have thought about it but no. I won’t marry him just because I pity his condition. I’m marrying him because I always know that I am happy with him. He has proven so much. When I think of those memories with him, I feel so bad that I even ditched and cheated on him.

“I mean, look at him, Yoong. He’s so perfect. You could ask no more. Donghae is the type of person a woman must grow old with. He’s so understanding, caring; protective at times but it’s because he loves me so much. And it’s so hurtful to even think that there would be no forever for the both of us, that in any time, he’d be gone… permanently.”

Again, I was crying. When would I get tired of crying?

“Jessica, stop crying,” Yoona consoled.

“One concrete reason why I’m still marrying him is because, I love Donghae. I don’t know why I love two different men. I do love Suho but the truth is, how much I tried to deny, I still love Donghae. The feelings are still there.”

You can always love more than one man but it depends who sticks with you until the end.

When the night came, I let out all my pain and cried million teardrops. I did that for when the morning comes, I’d get better.

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8/21/14#1