JESSICA

The next day, we readied to go to Sylvania. This is it. There’s nothing gonna hold me back. It’s better to go back early than worsen everything. It’s better to get back to my safe haven—my parents, my home. I smiled to the thought.

I was packing my things when I heard the door opened. “Donghae, are you done packing?” I asked, knowing it was Donghae. But the moment the person spoke, I froze. I looked up at him and said, “Suho-ah.”

He nodded and smiled, “Jessica,” he said.

Remembering what happened, I stood up and crossed my arms on my chest and said, “Out, Suho. Donghae might see you.”

These past few days, I’ve tried to stay away from him and not even say a word to him. I—I don’t know. I know that’s too cruel but I also know it’s the best for us. After all when this all ends Donghae and I will get married.

“Ow, but Donghae allowed me to see and talk to you,” he said.

My expression softened and I dropped my arms. “He did?”

“Yeap, and he said, we really have something to talk about,” he took a seat on the stool and stared at me for a moment. Oh, Suho, what have I done to you? It’s too obvious he’s not the cheerful Suho I know now. I have done something so bad and I wish I could turn back times.

I nodded and said, “You’re right. We have something to talk about.”

Smiling, he said, “But first, I wanna go with you.”

“What?” What is he talking about? But where?

He just looked at me for a second and stood up and turned around. When he faced me, I saw a small smile on his lips and then he said, “I just wanna go with you. I feel like I want to see you as the princess of your kingdom. I just wanna make sure you’re happy. I just wanna know you’re gonna be safe and sound.”

“But I will be okay,” I said, though that’s the unsure thing I know that’s been running on my mind. Am I really safe?

“Unless I see you going back to your parents,” he said and put his hands on his pockets. He shrugged, “I just want to see and know you are safe.”

I walked few steps toward him and tried, “I’m gonna be all right, Suho. You need to go back to Taeyeon. I’m really sure she’s worried sick.”

He stepped closer and tucked strands of my hair to the back of my ear. He held me cheek and I felt that warm feeling. It’s the greatest feeling I have ever felt. He filled in the spaces and kissed me on my forehead. I didn’t stop him nor protested. I just let him. I closed my eyes and when I opened, I saw him, smiling softly at me and he said, “Let me see you back safely, and I promise that would be the last time I ask something that’s too frictional.”

Pursing my lips into a thin line, I nodded. I don’t know what to say. What do I need to say anyway? When he said that, I know deep in my heart he really cares for me. And sometimes I feel responsible for everything. I can’t match that care he always makes me feel. I grew guiltier every time. But I also know it’ll be hard for us if he continues to do it.

And if he continues to do it, he’ll be hurt in the end. Because even though I tell him what I really feel about him, something needs to be ended. And that is our supposed love story. We never really started anything and I know it’ll go nowhere. My relationship with Donghae is the one I need to save and that I will marry him. And if ever these feelings are real, I know it’s only infatuation. You cannot love two men at the same time; one must be real and the other must be not. That’s the real love.