I find my way back home. It’s near so I used some walking to get to the porch. I was about to hit the doorknob when it swung open. There’s Suho, with his worried expression.

“Jessica,” he said, shocked.

“Y-yes,” I confirmed.

He hugged me all of a sudden. He hugged me so tight. I wrapped my arms around him. I never saw him like this. He’s really worried as hell.

He pulled away, then, “I was so worried. What happened? Where have you been?”

We got inside. And as soon as Yoona saw me, she ran and hugged me, taking me away from Suho. “Oh, god! Jessica, I was sick!”

“Yoong, I’m okay,” I said.

I saw Butler Yondong, mad. “Now, it’s settled, Miss Jung. We are going back!”

He yanked me away from Yoona and glared at me. I was so shocked and mad, too. I just don’t get it why he’s acting like this. He’s jumping into some stupid conclusion.

“Get you things and we’re leaving!”

“What the hell is wrong with you, Yondong? I told you, I’m not going home!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

He was staring at me with blazing eyes. “Don’t you get it? Everything is all planned now, Sica. We need to go home.”

I held my chin up. “No, I’m not.”

Butler Yondong was about to grab my arm but Suho stopped him. “Hey, hey, Mr. Kim,’ he said, stopping him, pulling me away.

“You’re not in this, Suho,” he said, coldly.

“It’s not right you’re dragging her,” he defended.

Butler Yondong grabbed his collar, “And it’s not your right to intrude. You were the one who was with her but you didn’t even know how she’d gone! So, don’t tell me what to do because you don’t know a thing!” Butler Yondong pushed him and Suho was thrown and sat on the hard floor.

Suho was about to take a revenge but I stopped him. “Suho! Stop it!”

“No, Jessica, he’s too much. He’s beyond his control,” he said, removing me grip on his arm. I held her arm so tight to stop him.

“And you’re losing control. Stop, now!”

But he won’t. He let go and grabbed Butler Yondong’s collar and punched him. My eyes widened. I heard Yoona scream.

Butler Yondong was about to give Suho a punch but I got in the middle and stopped them. “What the hell?! Both of you, stop it now!”

“Why are you letting him yelling at you, Jessica?” Suho asked.

“Because all I want is to protect her,” Yondong answered.

Suho glared at him and was about to punch him but I stopped it. “Suho, enough! You don’t know a thing!”

He looked at me and then, took steps toward me. “What now, Jess?”

“I want you to leave, Suho!”

“So, you want me to leave now? What is wrong with you, Jessica?” He asked, mad.

I glared at him. “Nothing is wrong with me. You have to leave, now!”

“Why are you always kicking me out when I want to know what’s really happening in this damn house, in this damn town, in your damn life?!” I looked at him, really displeased. “All I want is to protect you.”

I didn’t have the guts to answer nor look at him. I remained silent and turned my cheek away from him.

“You don’t have to. And I told you, young man, it’s not your place to know,” Yondong answered for me.

I cannot just let myself tell him that truth and I don’t want him to be in this mess. There’s something that’s really going on and I don’t want him to get hurt.

Suho looked at me then to Yondong but later remained his eyes on me. “You can’t tell me the truth, Jess?” He started. “I thought you want me to accept you. I thought you want me to be with you always even though I find out something so wrong about you. I thought you want me to love you and so do you to me,” he said. I didn’t answer nor say anything. Sometimes it’s best to not say anything.

I heard him chuckle. “Fine! I get it. It’s my illusion. If that’s what you want, I’m leaving. Unless you want to let me know the truth and why does he act so protective of you.”

But I didn’t say anything. I was bowing my head, avoiding his gaze. Because if I did look into those eyes, I would find myself spilling out the truth.

Next thing I knew, I heard the closing of the door. It was a bang. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And before releasing it, I opened my eyes to find Yoona looking at me, so sad.

“I think you should have really told him,” she said.

I rolled my eyes an about to turn around when she stopped by saying, “Why, Jessica?”

I looked at her. “Why what, Yoong?”

“Why can’t you trust him and love him?”

I heard footsteps walking away and it was Yondong’s. He was giving us privacy.

I glared at him. “Don’t ask me that question, Yoona.”

She walked near me. “Why can’t you just love Suho? It’ll help you forget about your past!”

“Because I can’t, Yoona! I cannot! No matter how much I try, I just can’t. When I am with him, everything he does or doesn’t, it always reminds me of what I had, what I had that’s now still left unsolved.”

She bowed her head, crying. “It is still him?” she said and looked up at me. “It’s still Donghae, right?”

She’s now asking me the question that I was scared to answer. It’s the question that I always ask myself but I can’t seem to give an answer. But there’s no point of denying it.

As I took a deep breath, I said, “Yes. It’s still Donghae. No matter what happens, it’s still him.”

“Can you just move on, Jessica?! You’re trying to wait for nothing!”

“I am not, Yoona!” I yelled. “I thought you are my best friend. You know how much I loved him back then and you know there’s still a place for him in my heart that cannot be replaced by Suho, or you!”

Her eyes went wide. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But I never knew I wasn’t that important to you.” She got her purse and walked to the door.

“Yoona, wait,” I said, but she didn’t stop. “Yoona!” I caught her before she could really walk out.

She looked at me, crying, “Jessica, don’t get me wrong. I only want what’s best for you. I don’t wanna see you hurting or crying because I love you. You are my best friend. And now, I am dying of worry of how could you go back to being the same person I am with months ago when everything is in good place. I want my Jessica back!”

She burst into more tears. “I don’t care if you’re a princess of Kingdom Sylvania or the baker of Jess Loves Bakeshop. I don’t care. I just want my Sica back; the one, though cold, loves me and cares for me, the one that I am comfortable with, the one that even though she’s really cold, she cares for everyone dear to her. I just want you to be Jessica who has dreams of living in a simple kind of living. I want back the Jessica who has dreams for us. Jessica, did you forget? You said you want us to go to Paris and have fun. But it’s been months since our plan of going. You totally forgot about it, about me!”

She wiped away her tears. I feel like I neglected her. I feel I forgot about every piece of her. I feel like I forgot how she makes me smile and how she’s been always there for me. It feels like she’s the only one understanding. I never listened to her. I feel like a terrible best friend. “I’m sorry, Yoong.”

“No. Don’t. I will always be here for you, Jess. I just want a peace mind for now. I’m sorry. But I will always be your best friend. I love you, Sooyeon.”

Just then, she turned her back, walked away, away from me. I never noticed I was crying when she left. She’s my only best friend and the one who knows even my deepest secret. I’m such an idiot for neglecting her and forgetting about her. I’m such a bad best friend.

I was crying so hard when I feel a light tap on my shoulder. It’s Butler Yondong. I hugged him for comfort.

“Am I a bad best friend, Butler?”

He caressed my hair. “Sshhh, nope, you’re not. It’s not your fault. Sometimes we just don’t know we hurt someone so bad. It’s not your fault, okay? Don’t cry.”

---------------

Apr 13 #3