You sat on your bed, fiddling with your phone in your hands. You sighed, *What should I do now?*

You knew all your crying and being depressed wasn’t going to get you anywhere. But you couldn’t help it.

In his room, Se Hun was having a panic attack. *What did I do? What should I do? Did I say something wrong? This is my entire fault! Great going, Oh Se Hun!* he scolded himself as he paced in his messy room.

*Oh! I’ll call someone for advice!* he found his phone on his pile of dirty clothes and wondered who to call. *Lu Han’s doing some errands for his mom. Suho hyung? He’s probably doing work. Oh I know! Kris hyung.*

He dialed Kris’ number and put the phone against his ear. The bell rang a couple of times before Kris picked up, “Hello?”

“Hi hyung.”

“Hey, Se Hun. What’s up? Why’d you call?” Kris asked, Se Hun never called people for fun. He hated talking on the phone with people and avoided it if he could.

“Noona’s sad agaaaain.” Se Hun said, sitting on his bed.

Kris sighed, “Se Hun, she’s going to be sad for a while. It comes and goes; we don’t know how she’s feeling so leave her alone for some time.”

“How long is ‘a while’?”

“I don’t know, it’s different for everyone. Some people get over the deaths of their loved ones fast and others dwell on it for months. It’s too early to tell for Haerin.”

“But she’s blaming herself too.”

“Yeah, she’ll realize soon that it’s not. I don’t know if she’ll figure it out herself or if someone will have to tell her, but she’ll know soon enough that it’s not her fault.”

Se Hun sighed, “Okay. Thanks hyung~ See you tomorrow.”

“Or not, I have work to do. Maybe another time, kiddo.” Kris said in tired voice. “I’ll buy you bubble tea or something.” He promised.

“Okay, bye~!”

“Byeeee.”

Se Hun hung up and threw his phone on his bed again. *I hope noona’s okay.”

~~

You fell asleep pretty early, you hadn’t eaten anything and maybe that was the reason you weren’t sleeping well. Maybe not.

You tossed and turned and had nightmares. Sometimes you would wake up covered in sweat after reliving through Hoya’s death. Or Hoya would be talking to you in a disappointed voice, saying that if you hadn’t been so selfish, he would be alive.

At 5:30 you got out of bed, deciding that you could no longer sleep.

You washed up and roamed around the big house, clutching your phone. You felt so alone in the house, even though Se Hun was there.

*Wait,* you froze in the middle of the stairs. *Did oppas know about his job?*

You looked at your phone, it was 5:53. *They’re probably not awake.* you went back to your room. You decided that you would get ready and catch a bus to the house of the Infinite member you closest to; L. You hoped that he wouldn’t mind you coming over without notice at 6 in the morning.

You glanced at the ‘RTD’ when you finished getting ready. You opened it and looked at his messy room, *Boys. Oppa’s room was always messy as well, I always cleaned it.* she almost smiled. She looked at Se Hun, who had the blanket wrapped tightly around him. *His blanket is either completely off, or he turns himself into a human burrito. Such a strange child.*

You debated with yourself whether you should leave a note or not. You decided not to, *I’m sure he won’t worry. I’m not such a big part of his life anyways, he has his friends to worry about. He probably won’t care.*

You left his room and the house. Heejung wouldn’t care where you were or what you were doing, so you didn’t bother even thinking about telling her.

You walked to the bus stop, dragging your feet as if they were weights. You looked at the rising sun. It really was beautiful. The way it would go down at night, ending the day and promising to light up and start the next. It was most beautiful when it was rising. Most people would be asleep at this time so they wouldn’t get to see the beauty of the sun starting a new day. Your dad had told you different things about the sun.

“Haerin, do you like the sun?” your dad asked randomly. It was the evening and Hoya, you, and the both of your dad were taking an evening stroll.

“Yeah! It looks so pretty! Especially when it’s setting.” You commented. Hoya nodded in agreement and you all looked towards the sun that was in the middle of going down.

“It looks prettier in the morning.” Your dad told you.

“Really?” your eyes widened. “I wanna see!”

He chuckled, “Okay, I’ll wake you up tomorrow to see the sun rise.”

“Me too! Me too!” Hoya chirped, jumping up and down.

Your dad nodded, “Did you know that the sun looks different every day?”

You and Hoya looked at him funny, “No it doesn’t!” you said. “It looks the exact same every single day!”

Your dad shook his head, “The sun tells a new story every day, and every story is different. This makes the sun look different.”

“What was the story today?” you inquired.

“It depends, what do you see?” your dad asked.

“Ummm.” You scrunched your face in a cute manner. “I think the sun says that today’s a good day. It was very bright and was shining so brightly. It looked happy.” She finally said.

Your dad nodded, “Yeah and tomorrow it will look different.”

“What if it’s happy tomorrow too? It’ll look the same.” Hoya said cockily, crossing his arms.

Your dad laughed, “If it’s happy again, it will show it in a different way. You don’t show your happiness in the same way do you? You can smile. Or laugh. Or you just look a lot happier and brighter. Or you hum a sweet tune. Or you do something nice for someone. There are lots of ways to express happiness.”

“But the sun can’t laugh or smile.” Hoya said.

Your dad laughed, “Why are you being so pessimistic today, Howon?”

“He’s always like that.” You snorted.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

Your dad grabbed both of your hands and began running to the nearest ice cream parlor. “Who wants chocolate ice-cream?”

You sniffled as you arrived at the bus stop. When the bus arrived, you got on and sat in a seat at the back. You continued to stare at the sun, *It really is beautiful.*

When you arrived at the stop nearest to L’s street you got off and started walking. The sun was almost completely up, starting a new day and telling a new story. You stopped in front of L’s cozy little house. You took a deep breath and walked to the porch. *Should I ring the doorbell? Or should I knock? Wait.. doesn’t he have a key somewhere here?* you looked around and poked through the things on his porch. It wasn’t much. The sign on the door that said his house number, two chairs, and a mat. You looked under the mat and the chair, but couldn’t find it. Then you remembered. You lightly lifted the sign the plastic sign that had his house number on it, and found the key behind it on the curve of the sign.

You held it, *This is weird, I can’t just barge into his house like this.* you put the key back. You decided to just ring the doorbell.

After two rings, the door swung open and a tired and messy-looking L was staring at you while rubbing his eyes.

His eyes widened and his hands moved away from his face. “Haerin?”

You nodded. He pulled you into his house and slammed the door shut. “What’s wrong? Why are you here? Did something happen? Are you okay? Is it Heejung? Did she do something to you? Or is it that stepbrother of yours? Was it him? And I thought he was okay! Wait till I get my hands on that little brat-”

You looked away and sat on a couch. L stopped talking and sat next to you. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you know?” you asked.

“Know what?” L blinked.

“Know that oppa worked at night.” You whispered.

L froze and looked at you, who was looking at the ground.

L paused but then said, “H-How do you know?”

“Does it matter?” you said, finally looking at him. “So if I hadn’t found out, you guys wouldn’t have told me. I would have lived without knowing that he worked so hard for us right before he died.”

L didn’t reply and looked down.

“We were going to tell you,” L said in a low voice. “But we didn’t know how.”

“Well the guy who I barely know sure knew how to tell me.” You snapped.

L stared at you intently, “Who?”

“Suho, who else.” You said.

“The boss? How do you know him?” L said, looking surprised.

“He’s one of Se Hun’s close friends. He found out I was oppa’s sister and told me. He even gave me oppa’s check. I’m glad he did now that I know you guys weren’t going to.” you informed, taking the check out of your pocket and throwing it on the table in front of the two of you.

He looked at it and then at you,  “I’m sorry, Haerin. But it’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, it is!” you said, looking at him directly in the eye. “Why would he need to work two jobs? And why would he not tell me? Obviously because we were in so much trouble that he had to work extra hard! And he didn’t want to burden me, so he gave himself twice the burden!”

“That’s not true.” L said flatly. “He didn’t tell you because he knew you would react like this and then you’d get a job.”

“Yeah, and what’s wrong with me working? Lots of girls my age do.” You stated.

 L laughed dryly, “No guy wants his younger sister to work.”

You shook your head, “He should have at least told me! I could have helped him figure out a different way instead of loading all that stress onto his head!”

L shrugged, “Hoya had his reasons.”

There was silence for a couple of minutes. L knew what you were thinking.

“Haerin, please, please, stop blaming yourself.” L pleaded.

“How can I not?” you said, blinking really fast. “Did oppa ever tell you anything about getting money from loan sharks?” you asked.

“No.” L’s eyes widened. “He didn’t, did he?”

“I don’t know for sure.” You shrugged. Then your expression became sad again. Your voice went down a tone, “But it’s the most likely thing right? Who else would kill him? While I was being a lazy , he was out working really hard. What if the working hard wasn’t enough and he had to go to them? He probably didn’t pay them back on time, and now” you choked. “It’s too late. It’s my fault.”

L groaned in his mind and leaned back on the sofa, he had been afraid of this.

“Haerin, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. So stop saying that it is.” he said in a firm voice, fed up.

You didn’t answer and looked at the floor.

L sighed, “Haerin, I highly doubt loan sharks killed him. I don’t think he would have, or needed to go to loan sharks.”

“Then who else would have killed him?”

L shrugged, “I don’t know. Has the police said anything to you?”

You shook your head.

“Wait, what about his body?” L asked.

“They haven’t given it back yet.” You answered.

“What?!” L grew enraged. “It’s been 3 weeks! Why haven’t they given it back?! Is this even allowed?!”

You didn’t answer and stared at the picture that L hung on a wall of all 8 of you and Ms. Kim.

“Gimme that police officer’s number.” L demanded, standing up.

“What?” you gave him a baffled look.

“Whats-his-face, Detective Minseok or whatever.” L said.

“Umm, it’s Detective Myunseok,” you opened your bag. “But I’m not sure if I have his card with me or not…”

“Oh come on, Haerin.” L snorted. “You carry the same bag around everywhere. The only place it would be, is in there.”

You pouted up at him, “Hey! Don’t make fun of my bag!”

L rolled his eyes but smiled. You found the card in your wallet and gave it to L.

“Maybe I should-” you said reaching back for it.

L held it away, “You’re too nice. Besides you’re going to sound so weird.”

You gave him a look and L dialed the number. You bit your lip, L could be pretty rude and demanding when he wanted something.

L held his phone to his ear.

“Yes, hello.” He paused. “I’m Kim Myungsoo. You know, one of the witnesses that you questioned about Lee Howon’s death.” Another pause. “Yeah, well I’m calling because it’s been three freakin’ weeks since he died. We want his body. What are you people doing with it anyways?” He snapped. You put your face in your hands, *Oh gosh, why can’t he be a little nicer? He’s embarrassing me!* Another pause. “3 weeks is plenty of time to investigate and examine a body!” Pause. “Yeah it’s a murder, but 3 weeks is lots of time to finish what you need to do with the body!” a long pause, L looked frustrated, and after a while he hung up with a “Whatever, bye.”

“He said that they have to keep it even if all the tests are finished.” He muttered, sitting down.

“Why?” you asked.

“Cuz if something ‘unusual’ comes up in the tests than they have to do it again or something.” L said. “But he said he’d get it to us as fast as he can.”

You guys stayed silent for a while and then L stood up again, “I’m going to go wash up. Don’t go anywhere.” He warned. “Help yourself to whatever’s available; I’ll call the others later.” He said, walking up the stairs.

You put your feet on the sofa and put your head against the armrest, not wanting to get up. L looked back at you when he didn’t hear a reply. He silently sighed.

He trudged up the stairs and quickly dashed into the bathroom. After showering, brushing his teeth, and changing his clothes, L went downstairs to find you in the same position. He walked to the sofa and peeked at you, *Did she fall asleep?* He bent down in front of your face and saw that you had. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw something glistening on your face. He wiped it and realized that it was a tear.

 He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants. He sighed again, *This is too much.*

He looked at the clock hanging above the calendar, it was almost 7. There was no use in trying to fall asleep again, once L woke up, it was impossible for him to go back to sleep.

He went into the kitchen and started making breakfast. He guessed- actually he knew that you hadn’t eaten yet so he made enough for you too. He looked at the batter he made, *She probably hasn’t gotten much sleep lately. I’ll let her sleep and we can eat together when she wakes up.* L decided and he put the batter in the fridge.

He went upstairs and brought down a blanket. It was the blanket that Hoya had used when he came over for sleepovers. He draped it over you and straightened your legs out so that you would be more comfortable.

L sat on the other sofa and grabbed his bag that was beside it, *I guess I’ll do some homework now.*

For two hours, L did homework and you slept. At 9 o’clock he decided he would wake the rest of the members up. It didn’t look like you were going to wake up anytime soon. But he was glad about that. It didn’t look like you got much sleep at ‘home’ so he was happy that you were catching up a bit here. Maybe it was because this was more familiar to you and it was more comforting than the big, empty mansion.

L dialed Sunggyu’s number and put the phone against his ear.

“Hello?” a girly voice said.

“Hi. Soomin?” L asked. Soomin was Sunggyu’s 7-year-old sister.

“Oh annyeong oppa!” she said cheerfully.

“Hi Soomin-ah. Where is oppa? Why do you have his phone?”

“I took it.” she giggled. “Oppa’s sleeping right now.”

“Ahh, okay.” L nodded but then stopped when he realized Soomin couldn’t see him. Soomin loved taking Sunggyu’s things and bothering him. And the funny thing was that Sunggyu could never get mad at her. “Wake him up and tell him to come to my house, okay? Tell him he has to. Oh and tell him to tell the others as well. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, oppa!” she chirped. “Goodbye! I have a box of hair gel and tub jello with me. I’ll get right on waking him up!”

L’s expression went from normal to confused. But he laughed, “Okay, bye Soomin. Do a good job~”

“I will!” she said and hung up. L also disconnected the phone and threw it on the sofa. Now he would wait for half an hour for the others to come. 

At 9:30, a doorbell rang at least 15 times.

*This idiot!* L thought as he stormed to the door. *He’s going to wake Haerin up!*

He opened the door and found Sungyeol ringing the doorbell.

“Stop!” L grabbed his hand.

“Sunggyu hyung said it was an emergency!” Sungyeol said, rushing inside. The others followed. “Where’s the fire?! Who robbed the house?!”

L rolled his eyes. “If there was a fire, why would I be inside the house?”

“Oh yeah.”

They all shook their heads.

“So, why’d you call us here?” Woohyun asked, rubbing his eyes.

L nodded at the sofa and they all looked.

“Haerin?!” Sungjong gasped. “What’s she doing here?”

“She came here in the morning. She was really sad and I need help cheering her up.” L responded. “She still thinks it’s her fault Hoya hyung died.” They flinched when they heard that, but other than that they kept themselves normal.

They all arranged themselves around the living room. Almost the way they did when Hoya had been alive. Except then they had been happy and were laughing. Now it felt more empty.

Sunggyu sighed, “What do we do?”

“What can we do?” Woohyun sighed. “We can’t just stop her from feeling what she feels.”

“She’s going to get over this whole depressing-blame phase by herself.” Sunggyu flicked dust off his pants. “All we can do is wait.”

“Only time will tell.” Sungyeol agreed.

They lapsed into a silence. The silence remained for a good 20 minutes, until you started to move. They all sat up, wanting to see you and ask how you were feeling.

You blinked a couple of times and rubbed your eyes. You sat up and noticed the blanket that had been keeping you warm. *Of course, Myungsoo oppa never lets anyone sleep uncovered.*

“Haerin!” a loud voice you knew very well said. You looked up and saw the six members of Infinite staring at you.

Then you were tackled with hugs.

“Haerin, we missed you sooo much!”

“How ya doin’, kiddo!”

“Glad to see you, bud!”

“H-Hi.” You managed to breath. You smiled softly under their warmth, *I missed them. Maybe all this time I was homesick?*

“Get off now.” L pulled each one of them away. Dongwoo, who had been quiet the whole time, sat down beside you.

“Soooo.” Sungjong said, trying to create conversation. But ‘Soooo’ was the only thing he could think of. “Nice weather…..”

Sungyeol snorted, “No it’s not. It’s getting so cold!”

Sungjong sent him a look and Woohyun laughed quietly.

“I’ll start on breakfast.”L said.

“I’ll help.” Sungjong said, standing up. The two of them went into the kitchen.

“So, Haerin.” Woohyun smiled. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” You said.

Woohyun’s smile slowly vanished as he fixed the pillow on the sofa.

“So you guys new about oppa’s job at that café.” You revealed.

They all froze and guiltily looked at you.

“Why did none of you tell me?”

No one had an answer to that because they knew what you were going to say. They knew how you were going to act. And they knew that you were going to blame yourself even more.

You didn’t say anything else. You weren’t mad at them and didn’t blame them, they were just doing what Hoya had asked them to do.

You got up and went upstairs to freshen up. The others stayed put, remembering the old times.

“Come and get it!” L called when you finished washing up. You went into the kitchen and could hear Sungyeol, Dongwoo, Woohyun, and Sunggyu following you. You weren’t hungry and didn’t want to eat, but you knew you would be forced to anyway.

“Eat up.” L put 3 very large pancakes on your plate, while everyone else had two.

“Why do I have so much? I’m barely going to finish one.” You muttered, looking up at him.

“Cuz you’re the skinniest.” L replied. “Not to mention the unhealthiest. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know.”

You kissed your teeth in complaint and heard a giggle. You saw Sungjong biting his lips to stop himself from smiling.

Sungjong giggled some more. Everyone stared at him.

“What?” he laughed. “The way she kissed her teeth was funny.”

Now the whole room was filled with people kissing their teeth.

Sungjong’s smile vanished, “No, only Haerin does it right.”

Everyone turned to stare at you. “Teach us, Haerin~!” Sungyeol urged, poking your stomach.

“No thanks, I’m not a teeth kissing expert….. weirdos.” You chuckled lightly. When they saw you smile, they smiled. You felt better, much better than before. But a part of you was chewing your guilty conscience because you knew you left Se Hun without an explanation.

“Hyung, what’s in your hair?” Sungjong asked Sunggyu, pointing at something red in his hair.

“Argh!” Sunggyu combed it out. “Soomin put jello and hair gel in my hair!”

“And you didn’t bother taking it out?” L raised an eyebrow.

“I did! But Soomin said I had to hurry so I didn’t do it properly! Evil little sister of mine…” Sunggyu mumbled.

“Or dumb older brother of hers.” Sungyeol snickered. Everyone else laughed too and the awkward, cold air that had been hanging over everyone, disappeared. The mood turned brighter, and so did you. Maybe not seeing Infinite for a while had been the reason you felt so lonely and depressed. Maybe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi~!

An update after a week. I guess this fic is on a semi-hiatus kind of thing.....

Yeah, it pretty much is since I don't update as often as I used to.

Exams are coming up as well (yay.... -_-) so I won't update so much then either......

It's official~! Semi-hiatus. I won't add it in the title because it just ruins it.

But on another note, Haerin seems happier~! ^_^

I'm gunna ditch the sad, depresseing stuff after a chapter or two, so yayy~

Okay, byebyeee~! :D

Comment~