You woke up feeling drowsy and tired. You rubbed your eyes but noticed that your face was wet and your eyes felt puffy. *Eh? What's wrong with me.......?*

You realized that there was a weight on your bed. *Huh?* You looked to the other side and found Sungjong sleeping there with distraught written all over his face. Your eyes grew wide. *What is he doing on my bed?* You looked to your other side, and saw Sunggyu, Dongwoo, L, Sungyeol, and Woohyun all spread out across your room sleeping with the same distraught look as Sungjong. *Did oppa's stay over last night?* you were extremely confused. For some reason, you didn't remember the events of last night at all.

You shook your head and went into the bathroom to wash up. You looked in the mirror and your eyes widened in horror. What you saw were your eyes that were were all red and swollen, your face taht was swelled up as well and your nose which was all red. You touched your face *What happened?!* Baffled, you brushed your teeth and washed your face.

*Is Oppa in his room? Did he wake up already?* you wondered and headed to his room. You turned the doorknob, and pushed the door open.

The room was clean, the way you had left it yesterday. The blanket was neatly folded on the side of the bed and his bed sheet and pillows were smoothed out.

You tilted your head to the side. *Where'd Oppa go?*

"Haerin?" a groggy voice behind you asked. *Oppa-?* You turned around, expecting to see Hoya but you didn't see your brother, you saw L squinting his eyes at you from the doorway. He looked tired and sorrow was evident on his face.

"Haerin," he croaked. "What are you doing here?" he whispered.

"Looking for Oppa." you said casually. "Is he downstairs already? Wow, Oppa never wakes up on his own. Let alone on a weekend! He even tidied his room!" you exclaimed.

L stood there, stunned. "Haerin...." he called softly.

"Yes Oppa? What's wrong? Are you not feeling well? What's wrong with your face? What about the other Oppas? Speaking of them, did you guys sleep over yesterday?" you asked him questions innocently.

L's eyes were filling with tears, ready to fall at any moment. "Haerin...."

"Why do you keep calling my name?" you said, giving him a confused look. "Do you know where Oppa is? I have to congratulate him for waking up so early!"

"He didn't wake up in the first place......" L whispered quietly.

"Huh?" you gave him a surprised look. Without another word, L turned aorund and went back to your room. You grew puzzled and went to the top of the staircase.

"HOWON OPPA!" you called down, expecting him to reply. "HOWON OPPAA! OPPA!"

"Haerin-what-"

"What happened?!"

Infinite came out of your room. All of them looked the same; Sad and empty. You turned around and looked at them.

"Oppas? What happened to everyone's faces? Mine was all swollen and puffy this morning too..." you said.

Sungyeol opened his mouth but then covered it with his hands and went inside the room again. Sungjong and Woohyun followed, and you could have sworn you saw Sungjong crying.

"What's going on?" you asked suspiciously.

"Haerin.... you don't remember?" Sunggyu asked quietly, his voice filled with grief.

"Remember what? What's going on, oppas?" you headed inside your room as well. "Is this some sort of prank-" you stopped dead in your tracks when your eyes laid on something.

Your bag was on the floor, beside your desk. The contents were spilling out. That wasn't what got to you though.

Your sketchbook was lying 3 inches from your bag. Your eyes turned the same shade as the beetle black cover. As your eyes travelled over the black cover, you could feel your heart turning black as well. You started breathing hard.

It all came back.

"Let's just do what we came to do." he took out a knife and in one swift second had jabbed it into Hoya's chest.

"OPPA! OPPA!!! HOWON OPPA!"

"Live well Haerin. Make sure Infinite takes good care of you. Don't live in regret. Be happy."

"Infinite forever...."

Dead.

Your heart exploded and you took the sketchbook, in two seconds you were out of your room and had locked yourself into Hoya's. You leaned against the back of the door, shaking.

You heard footsteps running in the distance.

"HAERIN! HAERIN! HAERIN, OPEN UP!" the door jiggled and voices that seemed to be miles away were yelling at you.

"HAERIN OPEN UP!" you heard Sungjong's tearful cries, far far away.

You let out a shaky breath and slid down the door. Your tears had already made their way down to your cheeks.

"H-Howon oppa." you whispered. Reality was too much for you. Hoya was dead.

First you lost your dad, and now your beloved brother. *Oppa.. Oppa's dead.... Oppa's gone.. I'm never seeing him again..... He's- he's- he's-*

This was... unbelievable. You.... never seeing Hoya again? You couldn't describe what you were feeling with words, it was just too shocking and sudden.

Never seeing his goofy grins, or his overprotective side, or shaking your head at his silliness.

Because he wasn't here anymore. Hoya was gone. You were never going to see him again, you never got to say goodbye, and he was already out of your life. You were never going to see him or hear his voice again. He was out of this world, he had left you behind.

You were never going to be able to wake him up from his deep sleep because now he was in a deep, deep sleep. A sleep so deep, that he'll never wake up. He wasn't going to be a part of your life anymore. You were alone now, no mom, no dad, no brother. You were alone.

"Howon oppaaa." you said a little louder this time, now you couldn't even hear Infinite. Your silent tears kept flowing.

You clutched onto the sketchbook tightly, not letting go of it.

"My fault...." you whispered. "It's all my fault...." You held onto the sketchbook and then suddenly threw it across the room and let out a scream.

You sobbed loud and clear this time. Hoya was gone, and it was your fault. If you hadn't been so whiny and stubborn and just listened to Hoya, he'd be here right now. If you hadn't been a baby about not having your stupid sketchbook with you for one night, Hoya would be here. If you hadn't been so forgetful and brought your sketchbook with you, Hoya would be here.

"HAERIN!" you heard Woohyun crying from outside. "OPEN THE DOOR!"

You just shook your head and kept crying, it was all your fault that Hoya was dead. Hoya was never coming back, he was permanently out of your life. He was gone!

This was too much for you. The shock of Hoya dying and not being here with you anymore and the guilt that was consuming you whole.

You fell to the ground and lay there, crying your heart out all alone in Hoya's room.

Hoya.

Your big brother.

Your big brother who cared so much about you.

Who would do anything to make sure you were happy.

Who had never let you down before.

Who had risked so much and worked so hard.

Was dead, because of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:'(

I don't feel like looking at Lay right now....... D: