I once remembered reading a biography about a woman named Lilian Dickinson. I enjoyed reading about lives of other people because they inspire me to do things I never knew I can do. They inspire me to think that life isn't just about problems. I once remembered her saying, "Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you can only spend it only once".

And that gave me a reason to think about other person's perception about taking away their own lives or 'suicide'. Don't they know that in proportion to them, they were more lucky to have a life and do the things they want no matter how hard it is to live. They were lucky because every minute that they breathe is a gift from God so why do they have to kill themselves without even considering a plan B.

Have they seen the people struggling for their own lives just to get another extension from God because they know that as long as they breath, they are still alive even though they were destined to die.

Wrong. We are all destined to die. 

Well for those people who have incurable diseases, they knew how long will they have the chance to live in this world. 

That's the most cruel fact about that.

And as for me, I don't want to die.

Back then I thought I have enough reasons to live. But now, I guess the 'enough' part was changed to 'plenty enough'. Now that I've reconcile with Chandoo, after all those years. Now  that I'm attending a very nice university wherein I can pursue my dreams in the future (if that's the case). Now that I have Dahae. Now that I have supportive friends who are here for me each and every hour. Now that I've experienced falling for someone, so hard, I want to be with him now.

Wait, I'm supposed to meet him right now. What if he waited? What if he's still there? What if he was pissed enough because I didn't show up and now he is seeing other girls?

What am I thinking? Atleast, If I'm gone there would be someone who will be there for him.

As much as I want to go away, I don't want to open my eyes. Not now. I'm scared. 

So scared that my instinct that I'm going to die, will happen.

But I have to face my destiny no matter what. And the sad thing about this is I've let myself attached with others not knowing that I'll leave them sooner than I think.

Yet it's early to speculate now, Right? 

To early to think what will happen in my life in the future. 

I am talking to myself now and I'm sure I've gained consciousness so there is nothing to worry about.

I just need to open my eyes and face this.

But you didn't need a second to do it. The rays of the sun streaming through the window, crashing through your face immediately woke you up. You squinted your eyes and looked at your surroundings. You knew it, You were confined in a hospital bed.

You grimaced at the ceiling, innocently blinking and thinking what happened and why were you here again. You swore to yourself that you will never return to this place. Atleast, Not because of your sickness.

You tilted your head to look for someone familiar to you but nothing is there beside you. Good thing you were much more okay now than last night. For once after 10 years, You've felt that pain again. That pain, that doesn't only kill people physically but mentally and emotionally.

You took a breath and searched for your phone. You wanted to talk to Woohyun and explain why you can't go to his place that day. And then it hit you, You can't tell him that you are confined in a hospital right now. You don't want him to worry about you or think that you are weak.

You never want others to think you are weak even though you obviously are.

You scoffed and hissed silently. "Why can't I find it?"

'Pyororong~ Jeonhwawatsseoyo~'

You stopped searching for your phone because of the alarming sound located somewhere near your pillow. Or maybe on the bed lying beside you. You don't know. All you know is the familiar tone was owned by Dahae's phone and you can feel her phone is somewhere near you.

The tone was too disturbing, it made you shift your attention from finding your phone to finding hers. Since that cutesy tone annoys you so much, you wanted to throw it away literally.

It was on its 5th repeat when you found it at the end of your bed. You grabbed it and said, "Maybe she forgot to bring this with her".

You became ecstatic when you realized who called her just know. It was your 'Mom'. And you were kinda happy since you've never heard her voice for some weeks now.

You smiled and press  'answer' without hesitation, "M-Mom".

You heard her stiffled sniffs and the way her voice works, she seems to be in a depressed mood right now. And you know just by the way she catches her breath, she has been crying for sometime now.

"Hello Aki. Is she alright now? Nothing happened right? It was all a misunderstood right? She's just stressed and all that's why it happened, right? Please tell me she's alright" She said with genuineness and reliance on her voice.

[for those who have forgotten, Aki is Dahae. Her real name is Hirotomo Akida, which was shown at the foreword section of this story]

You took a breath and said, "Mom, It's me, Wonhee. I'm fine now. Don't worry about me. I'm..". You were interrupted with what you are going to say because the loud banging in your head is showing up again and all you want to do is scream because of the pain.

"I-I'm okay" You winced at the pain and pulled your hair with all strength.

"Oh my god, baby. What happened to you? I should've been there with you" She sobbed.

"Mom. I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Aki's outside, maybe she just went to talk to the doctor about my health. But I can ensure you, I'm fine" You bit your lip as you show a meek smile.

"Well, whatever it is. I'm going to fly back there to be able to take care of you. Just.. Just be safe and always pray. You are okay" She said with firmness on her voice.

"Moooom!" You frowned.

"I'm going there and that's final. Anyway, I need to go now. I'm rushing to go to the embassy. I want to see you as soon as possible, baby" 

Before you could contemplate with her, She already hung up the phone which made you gag. You don't want to make your mom ever so said like then again. She've seen you in your weakest state and she've been your strength over the past few years. You'd be lying if you said, You don't want her to be with you in your state right now.

You just don't want her to be lonely and reserved again like then. She was so happy now. No, All of you were. BUt why is this coming again?

You buried your face on your pillow. *I hate this*

You rested your head on the head rest and think about the things that'll going to be in the future. You know your sickness. You've already checked yourself and you don't want others to know this because you thought that this is just a plain misunderstanding. 

It seems too viral to think that you can escape this sickness. Though you haven't got a doctor's say about your current state. You know that your sickness is back and more severe than ever. But you can't hide this forever. Instead, As the days would pass by, This would be very obvious than ever. 

And other people would notice it. And then you can't go with Infinite anymore. Nor work for them. 

You have to avoid them for good and cut the communications between you and them.

Then, You can't see Woohyun anymore.

"NO! You're wrong. All of these were just a mistake. Please. Tell me! This has to be a misunderstanding" You heard someone shout outside your room.

You were shaken out of your thoughts. You ended your trance and set foot on the cold hard floor. You pushed the blood bag and dextrose holder with you. You paced heavy steps up to the door. You've suddenly felt so abundant just taking each and every step towards the door.

"I'm deeply sorry for what happened to her. I think there is nothing that we could do. We'll just hope and pray that her state would become more stable but right now, I will suggest you to just let her relax and sleep all she wants. We are going to keep her on check for the mean time" The doctor muttered as he tries to console Dahae.

You bit your lip. *I knew it*

"Is there something that we could do to save her?" Dahae incquired as she wiped those silver tears which flows nonstop from her eyes.

The doctor held his note and searched for something he've wrote a while ago,  "As of now, I don't know. We've looked at her recored and we're shocked that she's been confined here before. More like 10 years ago and on her case there, she suffered-".

"Acute myeloid leukemia. Yeah! I know that. Mom always tells me about that" Dahae interrupted.

"But that was cured before! How come that she's experiencing that sickness again? That can't be true!" She protested in agony.

The doctor shook his head in disapproval, "I'm afraid that she refused doing sub-tratments after she was released form the hospital. It says here that after she was discharged from the hospital, she didn't came back for check ups and such thing and then later on we've just knew that she've migrated to America".

"Did she receive any treatments from any doctors there? Can you please tell me what happened, after her recovery?" The doctor asked as he write something on his pad.

"I was her first friend during her first few years in America. Actually, Both our parents were friends and my dad told her mom that they can start a new life there since there was only me and my dad there and my mom, she died a few years before that happened. I was traumatized when my mom died but after I met her, I felt like I'm much more blessed than her. We both live in the same house but I didn't see her go out or hangout or anything. She only likes to read and engage herself to studying" Dahae gritted her teeth, irresolutely.

The doctor nod his head knowingly and said, "I see now. She is suffering from Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia which showed up a few years after her recovery.  Chronic Leukemia gets worse slowly and may not cause symptoms for years and as for Miss Youngs's case, her disease has been with her for some months or maybe a year now".

"But that's absurdity! She looks fine!" Dahae argued. "I swear she's incredibly fine".

Your hands trembled as it looped the door knob. Your ears pressed on the door and still glued on it to hear whatever conversation  they are having, anticipating each and every detail he's going to say. You bit your lips trying to sink in everything he've said. 

Your knees suddenly gave in as your vision blurred because of that watery substance forming in your eyes. And finally you said, "I was right".

You can't contain your breaths since you are sobbing as much as harder as before. It's here again and it won't go away. It's here again and it will break you and your faith again. You wanted to tell yourself that you've already been convinced about this fact eversince you've felt it attack you a few days ago.

But you couldn't help it.  Knowing it from another person with an accurate confirmation, makes you feel hopeless since your state has already been critical. You mentally hated yourself for refusing to take on check ups since you were traumatized when you were younger and you never intended to go back again to a hospital.

Flashbacks of what you've been through when you were younger hit you. Injections piercing through your skin up to your flesh. The way your head spins after each and every treatments you would take. The way your stomach churns and lurches after you vomit the foods you've eaten or maybe sometimes worse, blood would came out of your mouth due to too much weakness of your body.

You never knew what childhood was because of your situation then. And then after you recovered from your sickness, you realized that your dad died and your brother was missing. No one would know how much that hurt you and until now the pain won't go away. Not even when you found Chandoo.

You sobbed and sniffed hard. You wiped those tears in your eyes and decided to open the door. You wanted to get treated. Not atleast for you but the persons around you.

"I want to get treated" You hurriedly said as soon as you came out of your room.

Dahae looked at you. You felt pity of her since her eyes are too puffy and swollen due to too much crying. And without any seconds, you felt her body crashed to yours, her hands clutching you tight to her. Bawling and chanting, "They were mistaken, I know it. Everything was just a mistake, Unnie!".

You rubbed her back, consoling her and trying to keep yourself from crying but you failed since the two of you are already bawling your way through the hallway. The doctor gave the two of you some time to have your moment together.

After the two of you stopped crying, You wiped her face once more and smiled. "I'm going to be alright. Nothing would happen. Everything's going to be fine, Okay?".

She gazed at you with hints of ambiguity on her eyes, "Unnie.."

"I'm going to be fine. Swear! I'm stronger than what I look like, Dahae. Believe me, so stop crying. Okay?" You assured her.

She nodded but immediately clung unto you again. You didn't mind her. Instead, You focused your attention to the doctor and said, "Can I get out of the hospital now?".

The doctor looked at you firmly, "I'm sorry, Miss Young but-".

"I'd come back, I promise. Just.. Please. I'll just go to something important now. Please let me" You begged.

But before he could answer you, You immediately rushed to your room to change to your clothes and removed the dextrose attached to your hands.

After you were done, You were blocked by your doctor and glared at you. "Before I let you go, You just need to talk to me first about the things you should and should not do now that your sickness is in critical level. I'm sorry but we just need to discuss first, some things before you go. I just want to keep you safe, Miss".

You gulped and let yourself drag your feet through the long, lifeless hallway. This is it, you know what the two of you would talk about. Prescriptions. As well, as to stay away from other people's lives permanently, indirectly.

[a/n: I could feel tomatoes and eggs flying everywhere. I could feel it now. You all were kinda disappointed right? Well, this is the real deal we are talking now. I've been planning this eversince I started writing this fic, I'm sorry for messing up your ideal plot :(( ]