A month ago, the big IT happened, though I admit much of the day remains a blur.

I probably should have brought along the camcorder, have it all recorded down, or even wrote a journal while my memories were still fresh. Everything had been a whirlpool since that day and I just kept spinning and spinning and it's only a month later on a day like this do I get to think. Yes, I finally made my breakout from the house - I mean I had promotion works today and had to be out of town for a while. 

A day like the big IT should be remembered in vivid detail --- not fuzzy snapshots that I am recalling now. The only reason I remember as much as I do is because of her. Every detail seemed etched into her consciousness, but then she was the one in labor and pain which managed to find a way to help sharpen the mind.

What I do know is this: Sometimes, in recalling events of the day, she and I are of slightly differing opinions. For instance, I considered my actions completely understandable under the circumstances, whereas she would declare alternately that I was selfish, or simply a complete idiot. Whenever she relate the day's event to our friends -- people laughed, or shook their head and offered her pitying glances.

In all fairness, I don't think I was either selfish or a complete idiot; after all, it was our first child, and neither of us knew exactly what to expect when she went into labour. Does anyone really fell prepared for what's coming? Labour I was told, is unpredictable; during her pregnancy she has trained me on how to manage unpredictability. From the moments where she could be laughing in front of the television yet crying her eyes out the next, or the times when she got me up in the middle of the night to satisfy her cravings just to tell me that she was full the moment I got back with the food.

Unpredictable - the pregnancy, the labour, and her.
But as much as that seemed, I would still take her as my referencing point. Like most young father-to-be, I considered my wife the expert and took her at her word. Afterall she was the one who'd read all the books to prepare herself for the moment.

It should also be noted that I wasn't entirely deficient that morning. I had taken my responsibilities seriously. Both her overnight bag and the baby's bag were packed, contents had been checked and re-checked. The camera & video camera were charged and ready, and the baby's room was fully stocked with everything our child would ened for at least a month. I memorized the quickest route to the hospital and even planned for an alternative just in case there was an accident. I had also know that the baby would be coming soon; in the days leading up to the ac