For most of his life, Felix didn't really understand why his family could've been considered dysfunctional.

His parents had good jobs. His mom worked as a professor for a local university and his father was in the IT department of good, well-paying company. Felix himself went to a nice school and was able to indulge in many extracurricular activities. They were living fine, better than fine really, and Felix always knew that.

So, he never questioned anything. Not his father working ridiculously long hours or missing his recitals or forgetting his birthday repeatedly. Not the smile he gave to his mother whenever he was home, the half drawn, distant one accompanied with bored eyes. Nothing ever made Felix think something was going on. But things never stay stagnant do they?

~~~

It was a regular afternoon for Felix. He'd reached the stretch of his walk from school where all his friends had already departed to their homes and Felix was simply soaking in the sun before making it back to his humble abode. While passing by a park on his way, Felix stopped suddenly as he noticed a man who looked oddly familiar.

The man was running around with some child, a boy, chasing him from below the jungle gym. The boy headed down the slide and the man caught him at the other end, laughing loudly. Felix was too far to hear them speak but could see the boy seemed defeated. A woman appeared by their side, ushering them over to a picnic table. That's when Felix finally got a better look at the man. He looked almost exactly like... his own father.

Felix watched them for longer and was almost certain the man was his dad. But, who were those people? Why did his dad look so happy with them? Happier than he had seen at home? The man started to turn his head in Felix's direction and Felix quickly began walking again, moving as far away from the scene as possible.

As he finished his trek home, Felix willed to himself that maybe it wasn't his dad, maybe it was just someone who looked very similar. Felix chanted this to himself like a mantra as his mother greeted him at the front door. And when they had dinner as just two for the millionth time, Felix suddenly realized his mantra had become a prayer.

For the next weeks, Felix stopped at the park to see if he would catch the trio again. He figured if he never saw them again then it wasn't real, it wasn't who he had thought it was and they were alright, his family was alright. They had to be.

~~~

A month had passed and Felix was confident what he saw was truly not what he thought. His father had come home quite a few days in between the incident and it felt normal again. They were in the clear. That is, until Felix saw the boy from before at the park again. He was sitting on the swings, swaying back and forth as other kids ran around to the other parts of the park. Before he could really recall what he was doing, Felix had made his way to the swings and was now seated beside the boy.

The kid looked over at Felix and tilted his head.

"You're too old to play here."

Felix didn't respond. The boy looked like him. He looked like Felix. That had to be a coincidence right? His eyes were so strikingly similar Felix had to look away.

"Are you a weirdo?"

"No, I'm not a weirdo," Felix finally said with a wearily chuckle.

"You act like a weirdo," the boy told him.

Felix shrugged.

"Are you sad?"

"What?"

The boy began to swing back and forth again while saying, "you look like you want to cry."

Felix, lightly rubbing his eyes, realized he was about to.

"I'm not going to cry, don't worry," the older boy muttered, swinging slightly.

"When I get sad, I tell my mom and dad and they go out and buy me lollipops and then we watch movies until I have to go to bed," the boy said with a toothy grin.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! What about you? Do your parents do that for you?"

Felix just hummed. "By the way, I'm Felix, what's your name?"

"I'm Henry!"

"Cute."

"I like your name too," Henry said with a smile. "I feel like I would name a cat that though."

"Hey!" Felix exclaimed, causing Henry to giggle uncontrollably.

"I'm kidding! You should've seen your face."

Before Felix can speak again, a woman, the same one from the last time he had seen Henry, appeared in front of them.

"Making a friend Henry?"

The boy nodded and then turned to Felix. "That's my mom. Mom, this is Felix."

Henry's mother smiled but her eyes watched Felix cautiously.

"I think it's time we get going honey," she said, changing the subject.

"Is Dad coming over tonight? He promised to watch Ghostbusters with me since it's my birthday!"

The woman chuckled and grabbed Henry's hand. "I'm sure he'll be coming. He promised, so don't worry."

Henry cheered and jumped off the swing to follow his mother off. He turned to Felix briefly, waving goodbye and Felix waved back, his heart heavy.

When Felix got home, his mother informed him that his father would once again not be making it home for the night and the boy's stomach squeezed. That night, he didn't have dinner. Instead, he sat in his room and tried to piece together everything he had seen. Henry looked like him when he was younger, looked like his dad and Felix was sure now that he saw Henry, Henry's mother and his own father together. They all had looked so content, acting like one cute, happy family.

The answer was there but Felix didn't want to put it together, couldn't. It had to be wrong. His family was fine. His father was just his father. He didn't have any siblings. It was just him, his mom and his dad. Just three. But as the night furthered on, Felix couldn't bring himself to believe it.

~~~

Pretend.

Pretend smile, pretend laugh, pretend happiness. Felix was getting really good at pretending. To his friends, his mother, and when he was around, his father. The boy figured, if he kept it to himself, it would go away. He'd forget about it and life would be normal. He stopped walking that way home from school so he wouldn't pass by the park and he spent more time with his mom, deflecting any thoughts he had about his father. It worked, to a point, until his dad would come back home and avoid them, and then Felix was thinking about it again.

It was so hard. He wanted to tell his mom but he was scared. How do you tell your mother that her husband, your father, has another family? And as he thought about it, he become more annoyed and angry and sad with himself. Why was this happening to them?

The night it all fell apart, Felix had been surprised to see his father home so early. It had been the third time that week and Felix was finding it hard to breathe. When it was just him and his mom, he felt okay. He didn't have to think too much about a different family because his mother didn't have one. Once his dad was home, all those dreaded thoughts came crawling back. He tried to play it off but it felt like his dad was catching on.

"Come help bring these in will ya?" Dae-Hyun told Felix as he entered the house. "I bought some stuff to make for dinner."

Felix just nodded, unable to speak. His mother was the one who was late tonight, so the boy had to suffer through a few awkward hours of helping his dad prepare dinner.

Once his mom came home, the house suddenly had an eerie air to it. Felix knew something was wrong, he could feel it. The family ate dinner together normally. Both his parents questioned him about school, talked about work and then they worked together to clean up. It felt so normal that it felt wrong.

"Hey, why don't you head up stairs and start on some of your homework? Your dad and I will finish up the rest."

His mother urged him up the stairs and Felix could do nothing but oblige. Taking his time, he watched as his mother walked back to the kitchen, a sigh escaping her lips. He knew he shouldn't but Felix stayed at the foot of the steps, listening in on their conversation.

"Who's Henry?"

Felix stopped breathing for a second and his father clearly did too.

"Wh-wha-what are you talking about?" Dae-Hyun stuttered.

"I called your work today, just to ask about you. I know, it's nosy and annoying but you haven't been home in forever and you missed Felix's birthday again last month and-"

Yong-Sun cut herself off, realizing she was rambling.

"Anyway, I called. I asked why you had to stay so late everyday or what offshore work you had. They told me there was none. And so, I thought, maybe something else is going on. Anything but the worst. And then you know what they asked me? 'How's Henry?'"

"Yong, I can explain, just let me-"

"And I wonder if maybe they were mixing you up with a coworker and so I asked, 'Henry?' And they said, 'yeah, Hyun said it was his birthday a few days ago. Ten years old is quite the milestone. Hope you all celebrated well.'"

Felix's father doesn't dare to try and speak again.

"As I hung up, I was stunned. I wanted to believe that they had you mixed up so bad but it didn't make sense. The details they knew were too deep. So tell me, who's Henry?"

Felix could hear his father groan. "Maybe we should talk about this another night. You know, when we both are more stable and-"

"Stop trying to stall! Tell me who Henry is and why you were celebrating his tenth birthday."

"He's my son!"

Yong-Sun released a sob and Felix had to hold his back. Everything that he had tried to forget was back because it was true. It was all true.

"Look, you and I weren't ever meant to be, okay? But then, you got pregnant and I couldn't leave a pregnant woman all by herself so, I stayed with you," Dae-Hyun explained so oddly, as if he were the victim.

Yong-Sun scoffed. "You could've left. If you didn't want this you could've left!"

"I couldn't leave!" His father exclaimed. "You wanted the baby, I couldn't ask you to abort it. And, I wasn't going to have you birth my son without me being there."

"So, in between all of this sick thinking you were doing, you decided that you also wanted to go and start a new family? But you just couldn't leave me be?"

Dae-Hyun sighed and a chair scraping against the floor sounded. "Look, I wanted to tell you, to let things go, I just couldn't find the right time."

"Don't touch me," Yong-Sun spat out. "You've been having an affair for ten years, you have a whole child who is not my son, and in the span of that time you couldn't have told me you wanted to end it? Get out."

"Yong-Sun, listen to me-"

"I said get out."

Felix was in a flurry of emotions. He had known the truth but not to this extent. Not down to the fact that his father didn't want him. He wanted Henry. He remembered Henry's birthday but couldn't show up for his. He didn't want his mom, he wanted Henry's mom. He didn't want them.

Dae-Hyun had made it out of the kitchen when he noticed Felix standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey, Felix, kid, you weren't supposed to hear that," he muttered embarrassed.

The boy wasn't even listening. Kid. He was just a kid. An unwanted kid who had no place in his life. Felix wasn't even sure if his heart was crushed, or if he felt anything at all. He just felt empty. Without speaking, Felix runs up the stairs and slams the door behind his back.

~~~

That was the last time Felix had met with his father informally. After that, it was solely due to the court meetings his mother had during their divorce process. He had seen Henry too. The boy had tried to talk to him. He was excited that Felix-from-the-park was his brother despite the whole situation; he'd always wanted a sibling and didn't really grasp the gravity of the situation at hand. Felix wasn't as enthusiastic and shunned the boy. He wanted to hate Henry but he couldn't. He was just embarrassed and disappointed in himself really.

He wasn't enough.

Maybe if he had tried harder, his father would've stayed. Maybe if he were a better son, his father wouldn't have gone to look for another one.

His parents had been divorced for three years and Felix and his mother lived quietly for the time being. Not peacefully, or happily, just quiet. It was when his dad suddenly decided he wanted to take the house from them (since it was registered in his name) that Yong-Sun realized she had enough and needed to get away, and Felix couldn't have agreed more.

~~

a/n

O_O

well, wasn't that eventful?

lol anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed learning about felix's backstory

i hope you were able to follow along okay with the plot line and the writing. honestly it's a little messy but i'm too lazy to really fix it 😅

also, do you guys have any thoughts on why felix's dad did what he did? i think when I finish this book, i'll write a little blurb fully explaining each character's motives, or at least our antagonists.

or we could do a q&a for the characters.

welp, thoughts for later I guess :)

love yall

~tallproud