No Air by Goldenpeace

Reviewer's Note:

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Title: 3 over 5

Your title isn't very unique, but just from reading it, I had an idea of what the story's about. It kind of gave me the idea that the protagonist will be in a situation where she's trapped or feeling suffocated. She's in a situation that's so hopeless that she can't breathe. I love it, although I have no idea if that's the kind of message you wanted to deliver.  LOL 





Poster & Background: 8 over 10

I love your poster! Their expressions are so beautiful that I can already feel the angst and tragedy that will happen. I especially adore the quote, but I wish that it has proper capitalization. 

Original: "in a town full of strangers i was known as their queen"
Revised: "In a town full of strangers, I was known as their queen."

Personally, I think it'll sound better if you changer the word 'their' to 'the'. That's just my personal preference though! So please don't take it too seriously. ^^" 

Your background is simplicity at its finest. It adds color and angst, but it's not eye-catching. Thumbs up! 


 

Description & Foreword: 8 over 10

I love how your description validated my point about the title. xD Anywaaaay, it's really good! It's short but concise, and your writing style is really engaging. I don't like one thing though... See, my eyesight is pretty bad, and your font is too small so I have to squint at the screen just to read it. Readers who have the same problem will probably get irritated, so I wish you can enlarge it a bit. Or if you don't want to, you can change the font color to something softer. Maybe grayish black? 

I'm so sorry if this is too short. OTL. It's just that there's nothing to correct. Haha.

 

Plot: 20 over 35

I thought that Yoo Ri hated her self, but the more I read, it didn't seem that way at all. In the first chapter, I had an inkling that she's a masochist and is super scared but she didn't really hate herself. I didn't  really get the vibe while I read. Yoo Ri is wary of Luhan, but at the same time she's somewhat comfortable and dependent (she called him for help before calling Sehun) that it's kind of weird.

I don't understand Luhan's character at all. From what I read, he was a transferee, and she made his life hell, so was he bullying her for revenge? And then after wounding her, he acts like some sort of night in shining armor. Is he a sadist? Are they that kind of pair? The masochist and sadist? Or is Luhan bipolar? 

I really think that Luhan cares for her, if you try to see past all the bullying. And if he doesn't then he at least feels somewhat possessive of her. I think that's why he kissed her after she was attacked by the guy with the scar. It felt like he was claiming her or something. And if Luhan is that possessive, I'm scared of what will happen to Sehun. LOL

Flow & Consistency: 7 over 15

I have to admit, I was confused as hell while reading the first chapter. Not because you were being vague. I knew that you were being mysterious on purpose, but because I had no idea what the time frame was, especially on the fifth paragraph in the prologue.
 
The first sentence was about the guy being ignorant, and then about her classmates telling him everything, followed by him smiling. I had no idea that it was all happening at the same time, because your writing style didn't give that feeling. So when you added 'and suddenly' I was thrown off balance. 

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