BLIND HEIR by bts_kimtaehyung

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Title: 4 over 5

Your title is very unique. I love how catchy it is, and how it is very connected to the story. However, I am reminded of the drama 'The Heirs' when I read your title. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. All I'm saying is that it may drive away some readers who disliked that drama. 



Poster & Background: 8 over 10

I love your poster and background! The characters are recognizable, the title, as well as the quote, is readable, and it's HQ! I applaud the designer for making such a beautiful poster. I only have two complaints concerning the poster. I know that Baek is also a main character, but with their placement, it seems like he's the one that the story will follow. Isn't it the girl (or me) the one whom the story will circle to? 

I love the quote, but there are also errors in it.

Original: "You are the only one who I trusted but why did you have to leave?"
Revised: "You were the only one whom I trusted, so why did you have to leave?"

As for the background… it was a bit too eye-catching for me.


 

Description & Foreword: 6 over 10

It's a description, so why is everything separated when it can be written like this: ( I will revise it while I'm at it.)

Revised version 1: She is a girl who is rich but blind due to depression. Her only chance of survival in this cruel world is to listen through her ears. The only thing she loves doing is playing the piano because it shows her true emotions. She wasn't blind back when her father was still alive. She was adopted by a rich business man who owed a big company is South Korea, but he'd never treat her as his own daughter. 
 

Revised version 2: Yoo Jung's father died and left her, and that caused her blindness. She was then adopted by a rich business man who would never treat her as his own daughter. Yoo Jung was literally living in a dark world. But one day, someone came into her life to change it for the better. And finally, finally, she could see the light again. But then he left, and she was left in the hands of a cold man who may just fall in love with her.

As you can see, I combined the two parts of your description to make a shorter one. The second part consisted of way too many questions - which was really irritating. I don't really know your whole plot, so forgive me for any mistake in either version.

You should remove the quotes. The first one is connected to the first part of your description, but it's already in the poster, so it became redundant. The other two just came out of nowhere. Whose life changed? Who said that life was cruel? It's too vague.

Your font color is too gray. It should match the color of your poster and background. That's why your background is too eye-catching. Because it looks like the text is trying to disappear to give more attention to the background.

I think you meant 'sacrifice' not 'sacrifition'. 
 

Plot: 20 over 35

I don't remember reading any blind story here so good job on that. But minus her disability, the story is quite predictable. She's depressed, she meets someone, she's finally happy, and then he leaves. There are only three chapters though! So there's a lot of room for twists and plot development! 

Okay, on to the complaints. 

First of all, how can someone be blind due to depression? Believe me, I searched for any website that may prove your statement true, but I found none. 

These are the causes of blindness. Maybe you could change it so that your story will be more believable. 1

* Glaucoma - refers to four different eye conditions that damage the optic nerve that carries visual information to your brain.
* Macular degeneration - destroys the part of your eye that enables you to see details. It usually affects older adults.
* Cataracts - cause cloudy vision and are more common in older people.
* A lazy eye can make it difficult to see details and may lead to vision loss.
* Optic Neuritis - inflammation that can cause temporary or permanent vision loss.
* Retinitis pigmentosa - refers to retina damage, but leads to blindness only in rare cases.
* Tumors that affect the retina or optic nerve can also cause blindness.
* Birth defects
* Eye injuries
* Complication from eye surgery 

Blindness may be a potential complication of the following:
* Diabetes
*  

Second, why wasn't she allowed to make friends? Is her father a psycho or something? Sure, he didn't care about her, but last time I checked, pouring tea on someone is a clear sign that you hate them. I do hope that you clear this up! 

Third, I find it odd how everyone is so respectful and kind to her. She's adopted isn't she? There should be at least one maid who doesn't think that she belongs there. 

Fourth, I am… uneasy with Yoo Jung's personality. She's blind, depressed, and she's adopted. She should feel ou