Luhan's Maid III : Our Kitty by inloveexo

Reviewer's Note:

This is my first time reviewing a story… Please forgive me if the review is somewhat lacking.


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Title: 2.5 over 5

It's not common, that's for sure. It's also connected to the story, so good job, but it's too long. Judging by your title, this is something like a series, correct? Then I can't really blame you for the long title. It's not that catchy, because, a) I don't read OC stories and b) I'm somehow reminded of a story that I read before. It was also a maid story and they also may have ed each other. So yeah, your title isn't really all that appealing. But worry not! If it was a HunHan story then I might have checked it out.





Poster & Background: 7 over 10

I love your background! It's simple , pretty, and kind of cute in it's own way. It wasn't eye-catching too! Good job! As for your poster, well, it's pretty too. But I think it can have some improvements. Like, for example, maybe Sehun and Luhan are both wearing clothes that makes it obvious that they are rich, and the girl could be in maid clothes. I like how the designer made it so that the background is a bedroom. It was a clear sign of what was about to happen!

Description & Foreword: 4 over 10

Please, please, be consistent with your font color. I don't care if it looks pretty. It's not formal. Also, why is everything separated ? It can be written like this:

Revised 1: My name is Kim Nana… and I'm Luhan's maid… and Sehun's maid.
Revised 2: I am Kim Nana… and I am Luhan and Sehun's maid.

On another note, you should only use three periods when indicating pauses. Also, you shouldn't use too many ellipsis next time. Use them too much and some readers will be turned off.

Your foreword isn't that interesting. But that may just be because I have no interest in , so don't take it personally.

Original: Another usual day in the morning. Wake Master up…clean the room…cook the breakfast…“Kitty…” Master Luhan called. I quickly rushed to his side where he now at the door…preparing to leave the house for work. “Yes, Master?” Then suddenly his hand wrapped my waist and pulled me closer to him. “I’ll be at home around 10pm…I have something that I want you to do…there a box with a pink ribbon in my closet…That is your new uniform…make sure wear it before you sleep…remember…nothing inside~” He whispered at my ear. “Neh...Master!” I nodded. He smiled and gave me a peck on my lips.

Revised: It was just another day. Wake up the masters, clean the room, and cook the breakfast. 

"Kitty," master Luhan called. I quickly rushed over to his side by the door.

"Yes, master?" His hand suddenly grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. 

"I'll be at home around 10PM. I have something that I want you to do. There is a box with a pink ribbon in my closet. That is your new uniform, and make sure to wear it before you sleep. Remember, nothing inside," he breathed in my ear.

"Neh, master!" I nodded, and he smiled and gave me a peck on my lips.

That looks better, doesn't it? Separating them like that makes the whole thing less tedious to read.
 

Plot: 20 over 35

It's a two shot, I know. But I wish that you had added something - anything - to make it more interesting — to make the story yours. Not just one of the many maid stories out there that contained a . I've seen it before. Master and slave relationships and the like. What made it interesting was the fact that you made