TERRIBLE THINGS by hwaweon


Reviewer's Note:

Thank you for requesting! Good luck with your story ~ And please don't request when we're closed next time! :)


Reminders:

Don't forget to credit the shop using this banner and linking it back to the shop!

Thank you for requesting! Please do come again ~ 

Title: 2 over 5

It's too common. The title is relevant to the story, yes, but there's no originality. When I looked it up, about 8,150 results appeared on my screen. And no, that is most certainly not a good thing. Why? Because you want to differentiate your story from others. You want your story to be known as the story, not one of those stories. 

When they see a story with the same title as other stories, some readers tend to presume that it will be about the same plot again. So what do they do? They scroll down, ignoring your story and what may be an awesome plot line. To be honest, I wouldn't check it out either. The title, the description, the whole thing in fact, screams cliche for me.





Poster & Background: 0 over 10

No poster and no background. These two are important to the story as well. Don't assume that a poster and a background is just for appearances - just so that your story would look pretty. It's a bonus, but I think that the main job of those two is to set the mood of the story. When you see a beautifully made, angst-filled poster or  background with miserable characters, you'd feel sad. Just looking at their faces, you could tell that it won't be a very happy story, and so, you continue reading with this heavy weight in your heart. Have you ever felt that?

I suggest getting those right away. I know some really, really good graphic shops. I can give you the links if you want.

Description & Foreword: 5 over 10

Your description didn't interest me in the slightest. If anything, it just increased my disinterest in the story. Who cares if life can do terrible things? Everyone knows that. The only part that caught my attention was what he was going to say. And even that wouldn't be enough to make me actually read the story.

What were those to lines for? Design? It's good to have designs, but I suggest removing them. 

The inconsistent use of font color has always been a pet peeve of mine. You don't need to change the font color if you want to highlight something! That's what bold and italics are for.

Original: "Now, son. I'm only telling you this because life... can do terrible things."
Revised: "Now, son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things."

Plot: 15 over 35

I was right. The story is cliche.​ It's a plot that I have read so many times before. The father refuses to tell his son or daugther his past, and it turns out that he lost his wife due to some accident or disease, and he can't move on from her. I wish you added some sort of twist, but since it is a one-shot, I won't be too strict.

What surprised me was the fact that Kyungsoo asked his son not to fall in love. Most parents would beg their children to give them grand kids! Not the other way around.



Flow & Consistency: 5 over 15

One thing that I found annoying was the overuse of the pronoun 'he'. It made your story harder to follow, and at times, I didn't even know who you were referring to.

Okay, so the mother was gone, right? Never to be seen again? I don't understand how Kyungsoo can tell his son their story with a happy smile. He was in love with her, that was obvious. Kyungsoo pro