blind heir by bts_kimtaehyung
Reviewer's Note:

i'm really so sorry for taking so long! thank you for waiting and good luck for your story! hope you didn't find me harsh and feel free to clarify anything with me as my interpretation of your story may not be accurate! :D 


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Title: 4 over 5

Maybe it's too early to say this or maybe there are other meanings to your title but "Blind Heirs"  literally gave me the impression of a bunch of blind chaebols.  However, there's so far only one of them being blind. Other than that, I see no problem with your title, it's unique and appealing to those who appreciate stories like this.

Poster & Background: 5 over 10

I felt that your story is tilted towards the more angsty side and that your current poster is a little too bright for its own good. Other than the character's expression, the rest of  the poster screams "happy!!" True, the designer made an effort in making it angst by using winter and animated snowfall but it just adds more to the merry effect I was talking about. It gives me a christmas feel to it and I don't think that's the message you are conveying. 

Description & Foreword: 6 over 10

Since your description is divided in three parts, I would talk to it part by part :)

The first part was fairly well done. Other than grammar errors and phrasings that could have been better, you have sucessfully let the readers know what to expect from the life of the blind girl without revealing too much information. 

The second part is confusing, probably due to the sudden change from "she" in the first part to "her" and "he" in the second. I think it would be better and more clearer to the readers if you kept to one point of view. Although I find myself annoying, but I have to mention again that there are still grammar errors and phrasings that could have been better. 

The last part, in my opinion, is not really neccessary. The four sentences does not link up and it's even more confusing than the second part, since now, we do not know the identity of the speaker that we could at least deduce from the second part. Maybe it is to keep the mystery element running and let the readers be in suspense, but in relation to what I said in the first sentence, I do not see the point of this part. 

Altogether, your description is elegant and has a slight angsty feel to it, which I think is good, be it intentional or not. Just pay more attention to your phrasings and grammar and you're good to go!

Plot: 25 over 35

I think I have come across many blind individuals before in stories on AFF, but a rich one is hardly seen so points up for that. I love that Baekhyun and Yoo Jung's interactions (aka first metting) aren't sweet and has lots of screaming involved. I think that's good, you would hardly react well to a stranger even if he's nice (not to mention that she's blind). Also, I think you keep your readers in suspense quite well, inserting scenes from the past in relate to the present. 

Now, for the not-so-positive comments. First, I don't get why her father is preventing her from making friends and even poured tea over her. That makes him seems like some thug. Why would he see pleasure in the torture of a girl (unless he has some psychological problems) even if he does not care much about hern? I hope there would be a reason for this in the future since only three chapters are up! My second concern so far has not surfaced much, but I do hope that this is ot veering into the typical unrealistic and cliche love story. I will be expecting plot twists and all :D Third, do focus more on her blindness as it is an important factor in your story (at least I interpret it so) as seen from your title.

Overall, this story may seem cliche at the start but it has the potential to have lots of plot twists that would surprise the readers. However, I do have to remind you that first impression always counts!

Flow & Consistency: 15 over 15

The flow and consistency so far has been perfect. Hope that you will continue this good work in your future chapters! :D

Grammar: 7 over 15

 I've spotted quite a few grammar mistakes so bear with me as I point them out! I will be addressing several phrasing problems too. 

Description

Original: she is a blind girl who is rich but blind due to depression
Revision: she is rich but blind due to depression. 
explanation: phrasing problem - the edi