“What the hell is going on,” the newly arriving girl shouted.

Sunny was back. I didn’t have to open my eyes, but I knew it was her.

That was a good question though. I didn’t know what was going on either.

“Unnie she’s been like this ever since you called,” I heard Seohyun say from beside me. I heard a sigh.

“Come here.” The next thing I know, Sunny is holding me too.

I appreciated their presence, but I didn’t want this.

I wanted Taeyeon. This ache I felt throughout my body was torture. I wanted his arms around me, for I knew they could remedy it.

Ugh, I just wanted him here, no.

I needed him here.

Why did he leave?

He didn’t even give me a chance to explain…

I guess I didn’t really try to stop him either did I? UGH! How could I be so stupid?

I think I was too in shock though. Taeyeon has never acted that way toward me, ever. I didn’t even know how I should react!

Oh god, what did I do?

What did I do to make that beautiful man leave?

“Now Tiff. What happened?” I shook my head. I had to know something else first.

“Wa-was Taeyeon okay?” I saw her smile as she moved her hands to my face.

“I don’t care about Taeyeon right now. Are you okay?”

“I care about Taeyeon though,” I said as my tears started falling again. Letting my face fall in to my hands, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened.

I didn’t even know what had just happened to be honest. The only thing I really knew is that I let the person I love the most walk out the door… In to the rain…By himself…

I couldn’t get the picture of his sad, tear stricken face as he left.

I swear that face alone could have put an end to wars. Everyone would drop what they were doing to help defeat the monstrosity that caused this perfect, sweet, caring guy to hurt.

Hell, I would probably help too, even though that monstrosity was me.

I can’t believe I hurt my Taetae. I caused him to cry like that, I caused him to leave without a goodbye.

I should have made him stay… or at least gone after him. God Tiffany why are you so stupid? I felt my breaths get quicker as another pain went straight through my heart.

 “Unnie,” Seohyun whined. “Look what you did. Tiffany unnie, you’ll be okay. You two will get past this.”

“He cried... Because of me,” I said in between my sporadic breathing.

“Tiff, he’ll be fine. You two will be fine, just calm down.” I groaned.

“Sunny, he walked home in the rain,” I said sadly. “Alone!”

“Tiffany I swear to god if you don’t stop this I will slap you.” I gasped for air.

“Wha-what?” I looked at her. Why was she being like this?

“I’m not kidding.” Omo, why was she going to hurt me? Wasn’t I already in enough pain?

“Unnie, you can’t slap her!” I nodded and wrapped my arms around the younger girl.

“Yes, I can Seohyun. If she wants us to help she needs to stop whining and tell us exactly what happened.”

“Ha,” I laughed once. “You can’t help me. Taeyeon probably hates me now.” Flashbacks of his sad face and his quivering lip rushed in to my brain. Ugh, it just broke my heart knowing that it was all because of me. Sunny started laughing. What? “Sunny~ I’m serious.”

“I’m not laughing at that Tiffany, I’m laughing at how freaking stupid you are,” she started. I just stared at her, well a blurry her , for my tears hadn’t stopped.

“Wae,” I asked softly. Did I really just ask that? Of course I was being stupid. This was Taeyeon.

My Taetae, no, my fiancé! And I let him go right out the door…

“Tiffany if you really think Taeyeon is just going to hate you over something that I’m sure isn’t even that big of a deal, then maybe you deserve to get dumped.” I winced at the word.

“I agree unnie.” What? Seohyun too? “Oppa ­­­wouldn’t do something like that. You both are probably just overreacting.” I took a deep breath and tried to think about what they were saying.

Were they right? Taeyeon wouldn’t l-leave me because of this, would he? 

No. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t!

He would hear me out before he did, right?

Right. That’s exactly what Taeyeon would do. He wouldn’t just break off our relationship after one argument. That wasn’t like him.

I knew my Taeyeon better than anyone.

I loved him, and he still loved me, he would definitely listen to what I had to say first…

Wait, then why did he leave? He said that he would give me time and then left.

Hold on! If he’s giving me time that totally means he’ll be back! Right?

Oh my god Tiffany, you are overreacting. Omo!

“You-you’re right,” I said after I sniffed.

“Of course we are. So what happened?” I took a few deep breaths and started to explain the best that I could.

“What started it all was when h-he asked if I was having second thoughts, and-.”

“Are you?”

“Well no but-”

“So what’d you tell him,” she cut me off again.

“I said that I wouldn’t call it second thoughts I ju-“ Sunny scoffed.

“So what would you call it then?” I fought back my tears as the sound of Taeyeon asking the same question rang in my head.

“That’s what he said.”

“Well, what do you expect Tiffany? Ugh,” she took a deep breath. “What did you say then?”

“I just said that with everything that’s been happening we should talk about this more and then he brought Siwon in to it and-“

“Siwon?”

“Would you stop cutting me off?!” I let out a quick breath. Gah, I couldn’t even explain. “This is exactly what happened with Taeyeon,” I mumbled.

“What is?” I groaned.

“I was trying to think of a way to explain what I’m feeling, but…but he just kept assuming things and not letting me talk and then we got on another tangent and he asked me to choose between him or my career, and I couldn’t,” I said, taking the wind out of me. “And then… and then he left.”

“Seriously? That’s what he got so upset over?” I nodded as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I knew it was going to be something stupid like this,” she groaned. “Why couldn’t you just choose? That would have solved literately everything…”

There were major reasons why I couldn’t just ‘choose!’

“Because I couldn’t Sunny! I think you all forget that I literately gave up everything for this. I gave up my life in America to be able to do what I loved. To go in to this whole new world thousands of miles away from home,” I paused. “I think I’ve seen my family what, five times in the past seven years... I can’t just toss this aside without a second thought.”

I think that those reasons were the biggest reason I keep hesitating. It’s not because I don’t love him or don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him or anything ridiculous like that, because I do. I truly, truly do. I can’t even picture myself with anyone but Taeyeon. It’s just so scary. Exciting, but very scary.

For someone who left her family in her mid-teens, I’m now making the decision to basically start my own? I think that that’s what’s making me so nervous too.

I was starting my life with Taeyeon. I wouldn’t be Tiffany Hwang anymore, I’d be Tiffany Kim. Although that did rather excite me, it still scared the hell out of me. How was I supposed to start a family with him? I had no idea how! I had no idea where to even start.

My family for the past seven years had been three girls, three almost sisters, and now I was supposed to live with one boy?

I’ll have to admit, living with Taeyeon was probably the thing I was most excited about, but also maybe the most nerve-wracking.

The whole thing also worried me. It took so much for me to get where I am today and I didn’t want it to all go to waste because the fans or LSM decide they don’t want to listen to me anymore because I’m married.

Hell even since I started publicly dating my fans haven’t been the same. I think I had double the amount of antis now too. All the girls that loved their ‘Taeyeon oppa’ were teamed up against me because I ‘took him from them.’ Whatever…

It wasn’t just me that I was worried about either. SNSD’s fan café lost even more members since the engagement and I didn’t want that for my girls. I didn’t want them to suffer in my happiness.

I’m not even sure if I could be happy if it did end up that way. I would feel so guilty. I wouldn’t allow that.

Ugh. I really wish Taeyeon would have let me explain that this is what I meant by ‘everything that’s been happening recently.’

Not anything to do with stupid Siwon oppa. Ugh, I didn’t even want to talk about that idiot right now.

“Unnie, we know,” Seohyun said as she wrapped an arm around me again, bringing me back from inside my head. I know it was probably a little selfish of me to put it like that because I know all of us gave up something for this. I mean Jessica was 11 when her family moved here from America and Seohyun was what, 12 when she was casted? Sunny too made some sacrifices, I’m sure.

“You do realize that you weren’t being asked to actually give one up pabo.” I sighed.

“I know that, but I couldn’t lie to him… I mean I didn’t lie to him, I really don’t know which I would choose.” Sunny crossed her arms and then uncrossed them again with a sigh.

“Fine. Tomorrow would you rather spend time rehearsing or with Taeyeon?” Seriously?

“Taeyeon.” Duh.

“Okay would you rather go perform in Madison Square Gardens or go on a weeklong vacation with Taeyeon?”

Oh, that was a hard one... MSG was one of the biggest and most respected places to perform at in America, but a whole week with Taeyeon… alone?

“Uhm, Taeyeon, but-”

“Tiffany I think it’s pretty obvious what your choice is,” she grinned. “Last year you would have killed someone to perform there.”

Oh my god. She was right, but I still didn’t see why I couldn’t have both?

“And I don’t think Taeyeon would actually want you to give up your career Tiff,” she started. “I think he just wants to be more important to you than it.”

‘I don’t want to be a second choice.’

His words rang in my head as my breathing picked up.

“Ya know?”

I did know. I know that I have to have Taeyeon by my side no matter what.

He was more important.

Even while we were busy as ever in Japan with schedules and everything, the thought of him never left my mind.

Ugh! Why did it take some stupid game for me to realize this?!

“Oh my god.” I stood up. “I have to go tell him.” Sunny pushed me right back down.

“No you don’t.” I frowned.

“Why not? Sunny I need to see him, I need to tell him he is my first choice, I need to tell him why I hesitated.” I don’t know why, but this sudden urge of confidence had come over me.

Was it because I was finally able to realize that Taeyeon was my first choice? My only choice? Maybe it was because the reality of losing him had finally kicked in.

No, I couldn’t lose him.

That wasn’t an option.

I don’t really care where the confidence came from, I just know I needed to see him.

“You need to give Taeyeon time to think.” I jumped up again.

“No!” Time is just what he doesn’t need. “I don’t want him to think any more about b-br-breaking up with me than he already is Sunny.” She sighed… again.

“You said Taeyeon left without hearing you out and I think you need to give him time to think everything over with himself. He doesn’t strike me as the person to just talk it out with s like you did.” She was right… Taeyeon always kept everything inside. “Just give him the night to think and then fix it tomorrow.”

“You can get all your thoughts together too unnie. It’ll be a win-win,” Seohyun smiled.

Alright, so maybe that made sense, but still. I groaned. “I need to see him.”

“And you will.” Uhh.

“What? How?” I thought we were going back to Japan tomorrow morning?

____________________________________________________

It was just past 11am and we were all in the elevator heading toward the broadcasting room.

“I can’t believe you did this,” I said quietly. I heard Sunny laugh.

She had somehow talked oppa in to pushing back our flight. Instead of leaving at 10 this morning we were supposed to leave at 5 this evening now. I just hoped it would be enough time.

“You’re the one that wanted to talk to him,” she whispered back. Ugh!

“Not like this!”

Apparently TYS had a radio interview this morning…and we were about to crash it.

Well I guess we weren’t technically crashing it since everyone knew about it, except Taeyeon that is.

“Welcome,” a middle aged man greeted a few minutes later. We all said our greetings as he motioned for the door. “You guys can go in whenever. Shinyoung-ssi knows you’re coming.”

“Ah ne,” Sunny said back cheerfully.

“They’re only about fifteen minutes in, so this is perfect.” I sighed.

Yeah, perfect alright.

Taeyeon hadn’t texted me back once last night, or this morning actually, he didn’t even look at them. I could tell too due to the setting on our phones. So I was a little worried to see him. Aish, I just hoped he was okay.

I knew I shouldn’t have been texting him either after the whole ‘give it until tomorrow’ thing, but I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t sleep most of the night and I needed to let him know I love him.

Sunny started in the door. Oh god, here we go.

I quickly followed her as Jessica and Seohyun followed behind me.

“Ahh! What do we have here?” The boys’ heads all turned toward us as we all started greeting. “Ne, ne. Annyeonghaseyo. Everyone, SNSD has arrived in the studio. Wow, what brings you all here?”

“We wanted to visit you of course Shinyoung unnie,” Sunny called cutely into a microphone.

“Yah, Sunkyu do you think I’m an idiot?” We all laughed. “I know it’s because of TYS here. You’re not the only girls crazy over them.”

“Are you guys staying,” Sooyoung asked happily. He was in on Sunny’s master scheme.

“Can we,” Sunny asked again.

“Of course,” Shinyoung cheered. “Have a seat.” She motioned for the chairs across the table from TYS. “Ani, ani. Tiffany, you can sit by your fiancé~. Sooyoung-ssi move.” He laughed as I internally groaned.

Taeyeon hadn’t even taken more than a quick glance in my direction.

I followed her orders though and took the seat beside him.

“Hi Taetae,” I said as cutely and quietly as I could. I watched him take a deep breath.

“Hi Fany-ah.” The next thing he did surprised the hell out of me.

He pecked my cheek and then wrapped his hand in mine.

Omo. Was he really not that mad at me? Or was he putting on a good show in front of the cameras?

My heart sank. I really hoped it wasn’t the latter.

“Ne, I was just asking about their new single that I’ve heard very little about. With TYS I’d expect to hear many, many things since you all are so well loved by the fans.”

“You mean TaeSoo,” Yuri chimed in.

“Ah that’s right! I keep forgetting that it’s going to be the subunit’s debut. Can you tell us a little about your song or debut? Who’s the one that usually introduces the new albums or songs?”

“Taeyeon.” “Taeyeon hyung,” the two boys said at once.

“Ah jinjja?”

“Ne, since he’s the one that usually writes the songs.”

“Oh, so because you made it.” They all agreed. “Do they give you something to memorize so that you can say it?” Everyone laughed.

“Aniyo,” Taeyeon said from beside me. “There’s no-uh-AHCHEH!” Everyone started laughing again at his very loud sneeze. “I’m sorry,” he laughed awkwardly. “I have a slight cold today, but no. There’s nothing like that, I just kinda make it up as I go.”

Omo. That was another hit to the heart.

He was even sick because of me. I halfheartedly smiled as I entwined my fingers with his. I needed him to know how much I care about him, that I’d always be here for him.

“It’s no problem… Tiffany-ssi aren’t you worried you’ll catch the cold from, if you keep holding on to him like that,” she teased.

“Aniyo,” I answered with a smile. “I don’t mind if I catch it.” I heard a few groans from my members as well as Shinyoung.

“Alright. Enough of that. I hate to ask this since SNSD just arrived, but it’s time for a song! What will we be hearing first?”

“Uhm, since we can’t perform our newest single yet, we’ll go with ‘ADOTY’.”

“Alright! TYS live! Let’s go!”

They all went to their positions and performed the song. I could tell Taeyeon’s voice was off a little too and I knew it was all my fault. Aish, I felt horrible.

As they came back to their seats I heard Shinyoung unnie start praising them, but I was just focused on my Taeyeon.

“You did really good Taetae,” I said as I took his hand in mine. Even if he was just putting on a good front, I was definitely going to use it to my advantage for the next forty or so minutes. He wouldn’t be able to get angry with me while we were being filmed either. Just then he sneezed again, so I gave his hand another squeeze.

I’m so sorry Taetae.

“We’re back with TYS and SNSD in the studio! You just heard TYS’s latest song, but what about the new single? Can you tell us more about it?”

“Uh, ne,” Sooyoung started. “First off it’s going to include a few of our friends from f(x).”

“Ah jinjja?”

“Ne, Krystal-ssi and Luna-ssi are both in it with us.”

“Oh wow. That should be great!”

“Yeah, I really liked how it sounded when I heard it,” Yuri said.

“Ah so you got to hear the sneak peek?”

 “Ne,” Yuri confirmed happily.

“So how did this subunit come to be? Did you play rock, paper, scissors or something?” We all laughed again.

“Aniyo,” Yuri replied. “They were going to have to wait another month or two before I would have enough time to promote and everything with my drama and I didn’t want to hold them back.”

“Wow, daebak” Shinyoung commented. ”So your subunit debut will include f(x)s Krystal and Luna?”

“That’s right. We haven’t worked with them before either, so it was really fun.”

They went on to say that it would be released on the 8^th and then they mentioned about how their unit concept would be different from TYS because they’d be singing songs for singles instead of couples.

Oh god.

I started caressing his hand with my thumb. I love you Taeyeon.

The next topic was Yuri and his drama, which only brought Jessica in to the conversation as well. They mentioned how it was going to start here in a week or so and then it got to the fun part.

“Are your members excited to see you in a drama too?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon answered. “He really enjoys doing them and ah-AHCHEH,” he sneezed again. I felt a pain in my heart as he began again. “Oh um excuse me I’m really sorry… As I was saying, he really likes them and his last one went so well that it even helped us as a group,” he laughed. Shinyoung questioned him. “Ne, since people watched him they stumbled upon our group and started enjoying our music as well, so it helps all of us.”

“I’m just anticipating a kissing scene,” Sunny cut in. Shinyoung lost it there. The next few minutes they spent talking about it, but neither of them would confirm if there was one or not unfortunately. Ugh. They probably weren’t allowed to say anything though…

“Speaking of drama, Taeyeon-ssi, Tiffany-ssi.” Oh no...

Did she…did she know we had a fight? Er, argument? Aish! Whatever it was called?

“How are you both handling your sunbae Choi Siwon’s confessions?” I let out a deep breath.

Oh thank god.

“It was a bit shocking since I had no idea and then all of a sudden he admitted it multiple times to different shows and everything.” Taeyeon laughed as he sat up straighter. Oh no.

“He can admire her all he wants,” he started.

Oh my god. Everyone looked taken back by his statement. They all had wide eyes as they waited for him to continue.

I felt my heart start to speed up. He wasn’t going to announce our break up or anything was he?

“He just needs to remember that it’s me who is in her heart and me that gave her this ring,” he said as he held up the hand he was holding. I looked at Sunny and she looked impressed while I was still shocked that he would even say such a thing.

Not because we weren’t in the best of conditions right now, but because It was Taeyeon.

Sweet, nice, caring Kim Taeyeon. He would never be this bold while on air or well…ever, until now that is.

I sort of loved it… It was almost as he was marking his territory or something.

“Uh, wow! Tiffany-ssi do you have anything to say as well?” Oh my… Did I?

Well I obviously did, but how should I put this?

“Ne, uh, Siwon-ssi, I’m sorry but Taeyeon-ah comes before everything in my heart.”

“Everything,” she questioned.

“Yep, he’s the only one for me,” I said as I looked up to him. I could see a slight smile and that just made this even better.

____________________________________________________

The end of the interview came quicker than I wanted it to, but it happened. Thankfully though Tiffany didn’t let go of my hand. Even as I stood up her grip just tightened as she pulled herself up as well.

Not even during our silent walk to my van did she let go.

Did this mean she forgave me?

After I got home yesterday I couldn’t even change out of my wet clothes. I laid down immediately and thought about what I just did.

I walked out on Tiffany.

I walked out on the person that meant the world to me, and why?

Because I’m an idiot. I let my emotions get the best of me.

I didn’t listen to her, I didn’t hear her out, I didn’t stay. That’s what I should’ve done, right?

I should have never left her side. Gah, and I know she was still hurting because of me.

I could see it in her eyes. Her big beautiful brown eyes that showed everything, even though her weak smiles tried to say something else. I knew and I felt terrible. Thankfully as we neared our vans, that were parked just across the stalls from each other, I gained the courage to speak.

“Do-do you have to go back to Japan now?” I clenched my jaw waiting for her response.

“Ani,” she said softly. “My flight is at five.” I hummed as I cheered inside my head. Alright, now come on Taeyeon, you can do this.

“Wi-will you come back to my dorm… with me?” I heard her intake a sharp breath before she looked at me and nodded. I could feel a smile form on my lips before I broke eye contact to open the door on our van. “A-after you,” I smiled again. She did too as she stepped inside, heading toward our usual seats in the back of the van. Before I got in though  I wondered where my members went? I didn’t hear anyone behind me?

I looked to the other van to see everyone getting in the SNSD van.

“Uh hyung?” He hummed. “Where are all of them going?”

“They’re dropping Jessica and Yuri off at the set and I guess Soo is going to their dorm? He’s been spending an awful lot of time over there recently… He’d tell me if something was going on right?” I looked in to the back row at Tiffany who I could see now had her brows raised and a small smirk on her face.

Looking over to their van I saw Soo waiting to get in. He caught my glance and gave me a glare. What the hell?

He pointed at me and then in the van where Tiffany was and what? The next thing he did was take his closed fist, thumb sticking out, across his neck.

Alright, now I got it.

My members, as I’m sure the SNSD girls, wanted us to make up and quick. Apparently, to quote the great Choi Sooyoung, ‘If you two can’t make it, how do you expect Sunny and I to?’

They tried to talk to me last night, but I didn’t want to hear it. What would they have told me different from what I already knew?

That I should have stayed? I know. That I’m the biggest idiot in the world? Fully aware.

I nodded and looked back to Tiffany, who seemed to be playing with her ring, again. It definitely made me happy to see that she was still wearing it. Ugh, ugly flashbacks of last night popped in my head again.

I had to fix this. Soon.

“Taeng you gonna stand there all day?” I shook out of my thoughts and got in the van right beside Tiffany.

“Sorry hyung.” He hummed and started the van.

We made quick eye contact and looked away. Aish, I hated how awkward it was right now. I just wanted to hold her, and to kiss her, but I couldn’t. I glanced over to see that she was yet again touching her ring. That’s it.

I’m saying something.

I took a deep breath.

“Yo-you’re still wearing it.” Taeyeon. Of all the things you could have said? Ugh, at least it didn’t sound rude, like I did yesterday.

She stopped and looked up at me. “Of course I am Tae, we’re engaged,” she said quietly. I smiled and looked away.

But wait… was that a good thing? She wasn’t wearing it because she felt she had to… was she?

“I-is that the only reason?”

Please say no, please say no, please saa- omo.

Her head came down on my shoulder as her arm wrapped around mine, finally letting our hands meet once again.

“I lo-“

“So have you guys decided a date yet?” I took a deep breath and tried my best to not murder him right then and there. I needed to hear those words from her. “Hmm?”

“No hyung, not yet. Not anytime soon.” He hummed again. I turned back to Tiffany.

“What were you saying?”

“You know if you set a date, I’m sure LSM will work around it. I think he’s excited about the whole thing too. Having the first idols to get married like this both under his company?” Ugh, he didn’t even give her a chance to say it again. “I bet he’ll start putting you in wedding magazines once you do decide on one.”

“Ne hyung,” I answered shortly. I hoped he would pick up on the tone so he’d stop talking, but he didn’t. “I’m sorry Fany-ah.” She squeezed my hand.

“It’s okay Tae.”

The rest of the ten minute ride home consisted of him asking us even more questions. Questions that I had no answer for.

Where are we going to honeymoon? Is it going to be a traditional wedding? Will we move in together? Ugh! Out of all the times I really wanted to hit him, this might be the day it happens…

Finally though we pulled in our parking garage. I didn’t hesitate to hop out as soon as he stopped the van, I might’ve not even waited if Tiffany wasn’t with me. I just needed to get out of there.

I helped Tiffany out and we were soon waving goodbye to Hyung. He was thankfully going back to the set to stay with Yuri. I really wouldn’t have been able to handle it if he stayed.

Whew.

We rode the elevator in silence and it stayed like so even as we went in to my dorm. Okay deep breath. You can do this.

“Fany-ah?” She looked at me. “Do you want…do you want-“ Oh god.

I sneezed loud enough to wake the whole building up, if it wasn’t already past noon that is.

“Sorry,” I laughed. “Do you want anything to drink? Hot chocolate? Juice?” She shook her head.

“Ani, I’m okay.” Well crap…

“Okay, well I was going to make some anyway,” I laughed again. “So give me a few –ACHOO- a few minutes.” I turned toward the kitchen, but then I felt a hand on my arm. I looked back at Tiffany and she was worriedly looking up at me.

“L-let me do it.” What?

“Fany-ah, it’s just hot chocolate, I can do it.” I smiled down at her, but her tense face didn’t change.

“You’re sick.” I laughed again.

“It’s just a cold silly, don’t-“

“It’s my fault… Please let me help.” Her bottom lip was quivering and I could see her eyes glossing over. Screw the drink.

“Come here,” I said as I quickly pulled her in to my arms. “Don’t cry Fany-ah, please don’t cry.” I squeezed her even tighter. I hated seeing her like this. Thankfully I haven’t seen her cry too many times, but this one was no doubt, the worst.

This time it was 100% my fault.

I never wanted to see her cry again, unless they were happy tears… but probably not even then.

Oh god, I could feel my own eyes start watering.

“Tae, I’m-I’m so sorry,” she cried into my chest. I shook my head.

“Please don’t apologize Fany-ah.” I moved her back a little and cupped her face in my hands. “This is all my fault.” After wiping her tears away, I placed a long kiss on her forehead. “Everything is my fault.”

“It-it’s not all-“

“Yes it is,” I cut her off. “I should have stayed, I should have never just walked out on you like that. Please forgive me,” I begged. “I let my emotions take over and-and I’m sorry Tiffany.”

I think that’s why I left at least.

I was confused, angry, and upset. I knew not everything had been perfect with us because I mean we were miles and miles away! That’s not ideal at all, but when she said that other things had been happening recently, I lost it.

I jumped to conclusions and didn’t even let her explain. I just accused her of having feelings for that scumbag.

Hell I don’t even care if I’m her first choice anymore. I could be her fifth, as long as no other guys were ahead of me, and be perfectly happy with it. I just wanted to be with her, like this, minus the crying though.

Oh great. I felt the tears that I had been trying so hard to hold back finally escape and run down my cheek. I looked away.

With one arm still around me, Tiffany moved her other hand to my face and guided it back so I was looking at her again.

“It doesn’t matter now Tae, you’re here.” I nodded.

“I’m here, I’ll always be here. I’ll never walk away from you like that again.” I pulled her in and wrapped my arms snugly around her.

“Promise?” I grinned and kissed the side of her head.

“I promise Tiffany. How many times have I told you you’re stuck with me?” I heard her chuckle once.

“Mmm, good. I love you Taetae.” I gave her a squeeze and then loosened my grip so I could look her in the eye.

“I do think we have to talk about a few things though…,” I trailed off. She hummed and tightened her hold on me once more.

It was about five minutes later and we had finally made it to my bed. Since Tiffany wanted to cuddle, I decided the sofa wasn’t comfortable enough and picked her straight up to carry her in to my room.

She wrapped her legs around me and giggled.

Ah~! Her laugh. It was so nice to hear that.

I know it’s not even been 24 hours since our little… dispute, but it felt like a month.

Knowing that she was hurting because of me? I shuddered. I never want to feel that way again.

“What’s wrong?” I looked at the girl who was now leaning against my headboard.

“Nothing,” I smiled. Not anymore at least.

“Taeyeon,” she warned. “Tell me. From now on you have to promise to tell me every single thing that’s bothering you, okay?”  I nodded and took a seat right beside her.

“I promise, but It really was nothing. I was just thinking about how sorry I am.” She quickly covered my mouth.

“No more apologizing. Let’s just talk.” I nodded. “Hold me,” she said with her bottom lip sticking out just a tad. I grinned and moved her hand from my mouth.

“I was going to Fany-ah, you didn’t even give me a chance,” I teased. I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled in to her rightful place. I kissed the side of her head and asked, “Where do you want to start?” She sighed.

“First I want you to know that I in no way whatsoever have romantic feelings for anyone but you Taeyeon. You’re my only one, you know that right?” I hummed.

“I know Fany. The only reason I said that is because I couldn’t think of anything that has happened recently except for his confession. I had no idea what you were talking about so I just assumed. I’m sorr-“

“Yah~, what did I say about apologizing?” I grinned.

“To not.” She hummed.

“And I mean it.” I kissed her head again.

“Okay babe. Let’s just figure us out.” I heard her hum as her grip tightened around me. “What did you mean by that then?” She hummed again, this time it was more pensive.

“Hmm, I think I know how I want to explain it, just… let me finish talking before you say anything okay?”

“Of course.”

I heard her sigh a few times as she mindlessly caressed my abdomen. I smiled. It felt nice, it felt comfortable, it felt like home.

I have never been as relaxed as I am with Tiffany in my entire life nor have I ever been this comfortable. There's no pressure to act a certain way when I’m with her, she loves me for me. Even when I’m being weird, or lazy, or even a byuntae she loved me with her whole heart.

Even when I lived at home there was a bit of pressure to be the perfect son and older brother, but not with her. I could be lame old me and she still loved me regardless.

“I’m scared.” Omo. “And nervous and worried and I just don’t know what to do.”

Those all sounded like bad things…

“Ar-are you not happy,” I asked, breaking her little rule. Her hand stopped on my stomach and she turned up to look at me.

“Of course I’m happy Taeyeon. Just being here beside you makes me so happy.” I let out the breath I had been holding in. ”And I’m excited. I really do want to marry you one day Taetae. Omo, to become Mrs. Kim. Ah~,” she voiced. I laughed as a huge sense of relief came over me. I started to say something, but then something she had just said struck me.

“You know in Korea the women don’t usually take the man’s last name.” By usually I meant like never, but I didn’t want to crush her dreams too hard.

“What? Jinjja?” I hummed. “Well I want to… take yours I mean. Is that okay?” Did she really just ask that?

“Seriously?” She nodded. “Of course that’s okay baby. Why would I ever say no to that,” I laughed.

Ah~! That made me feel so special. Tiffany Hwang wanted to be Tiffany Kim. Kim as in ME! This made me ecstatic, omo. I would probably be bouncing around if it wasn’t for Tiffany holding on to me.

Wait a second.

“Why do you feel scared and worried though?”

This was what we were here for, and I needed to know anyway. I wanted to know what was bothering her so I could help get rid of that feeling. Quick.

“Because we’re starting a life together Tae. Aren’t you scared? What if I mess up or-“

“Fany-ah,” I cut her off. “You’re just over thinking it. I’m not scared at all,” I smiled. “Maybe a little nervous, but not scared… And I’m sure we’ll both mess up, a lot, but that’s part of it isn’t it?” She sighed.

“I guess so.” Worry began to fill my head again.

____________________________________________________

“A-are you scared or are you not ready Fany-ah? There’s a difference.”

That was a good question.

I thought about it for a minute or two until I heard Taeyeon hum. Right.

“It’s not that I’m scared to marry you Taeyeon, it’s just I’m scared about what will happen afterward,” I admitted surprisingly.

That was the perfect way to explain this, good job Tiff. He chuckled.

“What’s the worst that could happen afterward? You have to deal with my crazy family more often? Your fans hate you? Our bedroom won’t be pink?”

“Yah~,” I whined. “I really like your family Tae and our bedroom will for sure be pink,” I teased. “It’s just that… I want to keep my career, I’ve worked so hard to get where I am.”

“Who says you can’t,” he questioned. “I want to keep my career too baby. I want to become a singer who can sing even better than before.” I found that hilarious because he was already the best singer I’ve ever listened to. “I love singing Tiffany, I’m not going to stop singing just because we get married, that’s just silly.”

“But what if all your fans stop listening to you once we get married?” He laughed again.

“Then were they really my fans?” I looked at him and he looked down at me. “Tiffany, if my fans can’t be happy for me because I’m happy, then they can leave my fan café right now. I don’t need those kind of people supporting me or well… fake supporting me,” he chuckled. “ I’d rather have 20 true fans than 100 fans that like me just because I’m cute or whatever.” I grinned. “Plus our dating scandal and engagement haven’t gone so bad have they?”

Thinking about it, I guess he was right. We did both lose a good number of fans, but we had both been doing great with our groups these days. Our success in Japan was crazy, and TaeSoo’s debut was very highly anticipated.

“Ani,” I started, but was then cut off.

“Exactly, so how would us being married be any different?” I paused to think, while he kept talking. “Fany we have our own fan club. Just us two.” He kissed the side of my head. “And you have your biggest fan right here. I’ll support you in anything you want to do.”

I smiled again from all the warmth he had just given me.

We’re my worries uncalled for? He sure made it out that way.

“Okay let me ask you this,” he started with a grin. “Where do you see yourself in, oh I don’t know… ten years?” I rolled my eyes. Was he really doing this?

“Seriously Taeyeon?” He laughed.

“I’m serious. Tell me what you see,” he said as he tightened his grip around me. Alright, I’ll play along.

“Hmm,” I voiced. “In ten years I’ll be thirty-two so…,” I trailed off as I thought about it.

Where did I see myself in ten years? Would we still be-

“Wanna know where I see myself?” I looked up at his face and hummed.

This would be interesting.

“Hmm in ten years I will be doing exactly this,” he started as he gave me a squeeze. “But not with you.”

What? My smile quickly faded.

“Yah,” I shouted as I moved out of his arms. He just laughed. Was he serious right now? “Then who would it be you jer-.” He silenced me with his lips. I gave in for a quick few seconds before I remembered I was supposed to be mad.

I pushed him away. “Yah, who would you be here with Kim Taeyeon? Hmm?” Ugh he was so going to-

“Our daughter,” he answered simply. My anger completely subsided and my heart skipped a beat. Omo. “Or son,” he laughed. “Or our multiple children.” He was grinning like a fool as I’m sure I was.

I was in no way ready for actual children right now, but in ten years… I could definitely see it happening.

The thought of a mini Taeyeon running around was making my heart beat double time, but wait a second.

“Where would I be then?”

“Don’t pout baby,” he said as he grabbed my hand. “We would be getting ready to watch SNSD performing on some music show.” I laughed.

“You really think we’ll be together for ten more years?” He hummed. I really hoped so too. I mean we’d definitely have to stop shaking lollipops around by then, but we could still perform.

“I think you might have to change your name to Ahjumma Generation though.” I smacked his chest.

“Yah~! We could still be called girls.” He laughed even harder.

“I’m just teasing babe.” Something else crossed my mind.

“Why wouldn’t you be performing Tae? You know everyone,” and I mean everyone, “is anticipating your solo career.” He scoffed.

“Don’t worry Fany, I would still be doing that. This would just be my night to watch our kids,” he grinned.

Our kids.

Those words awoke something inside of me, for I was the warmest I have ever been. Something must have clicked.

He wanted to have children, with me and I wanted the same exact thing. Omo.

It was ridiculous how easily Taeyeon put such a big question in my mind to rest with just a few words. That was probably one of the things I loved the most about him. He always made my decisions so simple, so easy.

“So where do you see yourself?” I shook my head.

“Uh uhh, you keep going.”

“Me,” he questioned. I excitedly nodded and laid back down on him. “Okay. Hmm,” he said. “Well we would be married with children and we would be living…” He paused. “Where do you want to live Fany-ah? A cool apartment in the city? Oh! Or a nice cozy house somewhere?” I couldn’t control my smile as I thought about it for a moment.

“An apartment!” He questioned my choice. “So we could have a pretty view over the river and still be in Seoul.” He hummed.

“You’re right… We’d have to stay in the city so we could both keep up our careers.” The butterflies now in my stomach had no end in sight. Is this what Taeyeon had been feeling throughout the whole engagement? Omo, no wonder he was so happy about it.

I couldn’t believe I let myself worry so much over this. Why did I think marrying Taeyeon would be so problematic? This was the opposite of a problem. If I could feel this happy every day, omo, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself.

“We’d have to find one that allowed pets though so we could keep our dog.” Uhmm. Wait a minute…

“Our dog?”

“Yep. I’ve decided I’m getting you a dog in the future.”

"Uh why,” I questioned.

“So it’ll be practice for when we have a baby.” I laughed aloud. “I’m serious Fany-ah, if you can take care of a dog, a baby is just the next level.”

“Taeyeon, I am so in love with you.” He chuckled.

“Where did that come from?”

“You just make me so happy. Thank you for making everything so simple for me.” He brought his brows together.

“What do you mean Fany-ah?” I grinned.

“I want the same thing, in ten years,” I added. His eyes went wide as his brows rose as high as they could.

“J-ji-jinjja?” I nodded. “All of it?”

“All of it,” I said right before he pulled me on top on him.

Dozens of kisses were being painted across my face when he suddenly stopped.

“You mean this right?”  whined.

“Of course I mean it Tae. I want to marry you.” His grin returned and he placed a kiss on my lips.

“When?”

“When?” He hummed.

“When do you want to get married?” Wha- What?

“I don’t know Tae, do we have to figure this out right now?” He sat up, casing me to follow suit. Ugh.

“I’d like it if we did babe,” he said with the most earnest expression. “I want to know the date I need to look forward to.”

“Tae,” I said softly. That was so sweet.

“Don’t worry about me babe, just tell me when and I’ll agree. As long as I get to marry you I can wait as long as you want Fany-ah.” My heart melted. How could he always be so perfect to me?

I loved him so much and he was right. Almost nothing would change once we got married, would it? I mean my name would change and I’m sure I’ll be even more in love with him by then, but it wouldn’t be that different from now. We’d just get to sleep and live in the same place.

Omo. Sleeping with Taeyeon…every night? His arms around me and his body just a few inches away.

Oh god.

That settles it.

Our wedding will have to be sooner than I originally wanted it, but still not too soon…

“I’ve been thinking,” Taeyeon started. Uh oh… “Do you think we should tie the knot on our anniversary? So we can always say for certain how long we’ve been together,” he laughed. “I remember my parents saying that they don’t even remember how long they were dating before they got married. I don’t want that. I want to tell people exactly how long I’ve been with you baby.” I pulled him in for a quick kiss.

“That sounds like a great idea Taetae,” I smiled and started to think.

This October was too soon. Next year though…

It could totally work. That’s what? Nineteen months away? That’s almost two years.

That would give us plenty of time to get everything we needed done. Omo! It would also give LSM enough time to make time in our schedules. He wouldn’t even be able to argue since we gave him so much warning.

Yes. That was it.

“Next year.” Taeyeon went stiff as he just stared at me. “Did you hear me.” I questioned with a smile.

“Th-that was real?” I nodded.

“I want to marry you next year Kim Taeyeon.” I felt giddy just saying it.

“Seriously?” I nodded again. “Pinch me.” I grinned and quickly reached to pinch his cute little . He yelped when I did it, but then he cupped my face as he stared in to my eyes. It was almost like he was still trying to figure out if this was actually happening.

“It’s all real Taeyeon. I love you so much.” I caressed the hands that were on my cheek.

“I love you too… Mrs. Kim.” I felt my smile reach as far as it could before he literately knocked me down with the force of his hug.

His face was just inches from mine and I’ve never felt more inclined to kiss him. It was a whole new feeling. The want to show him how much I loved him, how much I wanted to be his for forever was bursting inside of me.

Our lips met briefly at first. I with short pecks, I know how much he loves when I get playful with him.

His hands roamed my body and I could not wait for this to go to the next level. I was about to do something about it, but then he stopped… Wait a minute.

“Wae,” I whined. He looked me in the eyes.

“You do want children right?” My rough breathing almost completely stopped.

Seriously? He’s asking that question now?

“Wh-what,” was the only thing I was able to say.

“It just popped in my head that I don’t think I’ve ever asked you if you wanted to have babies with me. I’ve always just assumed.”

Wha- I mean, is he serious?

“THAT’S what you were thinking about when you were kissing me?” Oh my god. He moved from over top of me and laid down beside me.

“Well, not really… I-I was going to say that we should practice ma-making babies, b-but then that popped in my head and…,” he hesitantly explained. My anger flew out the window yet again.

“So you were trying to use one of your cute little lines on me,” I grinned as I rolled almost on top of him. He hummed.

“Well?” I kissed his lips once.

“Of course I want to Taetae,” I responded. “Not for a while though… so we might have to do a lot of practicing.” I saw his little grin spread in to the most amazing smile I’ve ever been witness to.

____________________________________________________

Ah! Sorry it took so long to update! I was a little busy and then I had trouble deciding on wheter or not to keep up the drama.
In the end I just couldn't do it!
Please forgive me^^
정말 미안해!!!!

I hope this explained things a little better too though?
If not, I apologize. I hope it's not too bad.
Also, it's sort of a long chapter. Whoops!

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